Drawing Closer to Him

I can't believe it's been 2 and a half weeks since our miscarriage. It still seems like it was just the other day. We are moving on, but it is still heavy on our thoughts.

We've been struggling, a lot. I've uttered words, to our friends, that I regret. This is hard to discuss, because I know I have many Catholic readers, but I also have many non-Catholic readers who likely don't understand my faith completely, don't understand why I ever left the Protestant church and faith I grew up in. I don't want to offend, or hurt anyone and their faith. I've said many times, I think all Christian denominations can lead to heaven, I just think the Catholic faith has so many more things to make you holier and get you closer to God. Are we not called to be like Jesus? In the Catholic faith, we have all of the Sacraments that bring you closer to Him, and we have the Eucharist, where we can partake in His suffering.

One of the issues in our family causing a fair amount of strife will make some Catholics laugh, and others, anyone really, to say "I can see why there's strife over that." My husband grew up in a VERY traditional, conservative Catholic family... Homeschooling, 14 children, Latin mass, praying the rosary nightly, etc. What more do you think of when you think of a very Catholic family?

We knew from the beginning of our marriage that we wanted a large family (but knew God was in control of that) but not large in comparison to his family. We figured like 5 kids, but open to what God had for us. My husband knew we'd homeschool. It wasn't until we had kids that I knew the same.

But Latin mass. Oh heck-to-the-no. That was NOT something I was willing to do. But I knew my husband loved and missed it. When we were in CO, I became willing to attend the Latin Mass (TLM) for one Sunday a month. I really didn't want to, but knowing he was the head of our home and missing it greatly, I was willing. For some reason, it never did happen.

When we moved here, we learned the closest Latin mass was about an hour away. I wasn't willing to go there, and I don't think he was/is. However, we have a very traditional, wonderful priest here, who has been talking to people and finding out that there is a desire for TLM here. I didn't believe it'd come about.

Long story short, and lots of personal details left out, our priest is trying to get the first Latin mass said here in our military community (With an English instead of German homily) for Aug 15, the Assumption of Mary, with my husband as the choir leader. I went crazy, to say the least. Mad at my husband, mad in a way at our priest, mad at the Catholic Church, not even wanting to go to Adoration and pray before the Blessed Sacrament, I even started saying "I hate TLM, I hate the rosary." As I said in my last post, Satan was using the emotions that were here from the miscarriage in our marriage. To me, this was a BIG problem, and to come right on the heals of our miscarriage, I was completely broken by this.

It took me several days to discover the root of my problems. There were a lot of roots. Hurt from the miscarriage, Anger and fear from the miscarriage and other things. Then I began to feel like God was calling me to a holier life, but dang, I wanted nothing to do with it. I was ANGRY at the Church over things, ANGRY about TLM, angry about the rosary. The last thing I wanted to do was to do things that were "more Catholic". I just wanted to wallow in my sorrow and anger.

After many conversations together, I was telling my husband "I've grown so angry, that I can't even pray any more. I was in the shower, and would get about 5 words out, out loud, and couldn't pray any more." Immediately, the phone rang, asking us to pray for a friend on the way to the ER. Immediately, my husband and I sat down and started praying what I'd been claiming I hated... the rosary. Somehow, even though I don't enjoy the rosary necessarily, sitting there, meditating on the Sorrowful mysteries with my husband, brought out a wave of emotions, especially surrounding everything we had and were going through. And somehow, the next day, while driving for 40 minutes alone, I was able to pray again. It was like a huge weight was lifted.

I came in and told my husband. "I think I know why I don't want to do TLM. And you're going to laugh, but please don't." I went on to tell him that when I think about very devout Catholics, they homeschool, use Natural Family Planning, have large families because they love each other and can't stay away when they're bodies crave each other, go to daily mass, pray the rosary all the time, study the Saints, go to Latin mass, wear skirts all the time, and all these other stereotypical things. And honestly, usually, most people see them as WEIRD! And well, I just don't want to be WEIRD!

He did his best to stifle the laughter. He really did. He said well, out of most of those, there's about 3 that we don't do... YET. And I'll never say you have to wear skirts every day, so we'll ignore that one. He said So, what's wrong with all of that? And I repeated "Most people see them as weird. I don't want to be WEIRD!!"

But since then, God has placed a lot on my heart.... He has pointed out what others thought of him as "King of the Jews", how they mocked him and persecuted Him. He has shown me all these things (Well, not ALL, but many) bring me closer to Him, and that He is calling me, drawing me nearer to Him. He's asked me "If these things are available, to get to know ME better, Aimee, why wouldn't you use them? They're for my glory, to bring you to me." I tried to tell Him that I didn't have the time, that I barely have time to keep up on the housework, teach my children, heck, I don't even work out which I desperately need to do. And he replied "But, aren't you suppose to do everything for Me? Do that housework for me, it'll bring us closer. As much as you hate it, work out for me, to take care of the body I've given you. It'll bring us closer."

So, i'm not saying I'm ok to the Latin mass yet, but I am saying God's softening my heart. And maybe I'll do it, and I'll do my best to do it with a joyful heart. Thankfully I have 2 months to find the joyfulness. My husband wants to 'teach' TLM to me, but I"m not sure how i feel about that. I mean, I still haven't learned German. I do NOT like cultural changes/language differences. It's just NOT my cup of tea. And I know that's why I'm fighting it a lot too. In the mean time, I will do my best to continue to seek after God, and pray that my heart is open to what he wants from me, to bring us closer together.

And to end with, I have been listening to this 1 hour audio CD by Jeff Cavins: 15 Things to Do in the Midst of Suffering. If you're suffering in any way, I STRONGLY recommend it. I was amazed at some of the things he said, that we actually followed throughout our suffering, and some that I thought "Wow, I wish I had known/thought of that before.

How to handle a friend's miscarriage

I had a friend ask me today "What should we do?" regarding how to help me following my miscarriage. I realized it was a great question, and until you go through one, you really don't know what to do. So here is what *I* needed and helped me.

Honestly, I wanted to be left alone. The face-to-face sympathy, while it's appreciated, made me feel VERY uncomfortable. So personally, I just wanted to stay home for a week or so to avoid that. During that time, I personally took a lot of time to pray and seek God. I also used that time to reclaim the mess in my house. I had let it go, because the first trimester makes me so tired, that I'd nap when the kids napped, which is when I usually clean house. So I took my anger and grief, and focused it on my house.

As for friends, I greatly appreciated the "I'm sorry"s, hugs and prayers via the internet. They did mean a lot. And honestly, the prayers were the greatest. They really helped me through I think.

As for a way to actually show me the support, there were two things that took place. One friend told me "I'm bringing you dinner tomorrow. Is this time good?" That was really appreciated because I am not the type to say yes to offers, but if you're just telling me you're doing it, I won't tell you don't. I felt bad, because I really didn't need the meal, I was having no problem cooking, but God placed it on my heart that I give to others so much, let them give back to me. And that meal, for 2 nights, was greatly appreciated.

The other was a friend who said "Hey, want me to come watch your kids for an hour or two while you go to the Blessed Sacrament Chapel and pray before the Eucharist?" This is something I've never actually done, but I knew some time away from my house, away from my other children, to think and pray, would be very good and healing. And it was.

So, that was how I handled the healing, and what I needed or what helped me.

With that said, if you're still up for praying for us, please do. I am very tired and warn out it seems, probably from not getting enough sleep. Satan knows we're struggling, and he's using that to his full advantage in our marriage. Thank you.

Grace and Suffering

I am doing well. I really am.

Physically isn't so bad. Not much pain thankfully.

Emotionally... Well, God has been what I've needed. I don't say this to boast, but to tell the truth. His grace has been sufficient and helped me though. I'm reminded again of the verse I posted the other day.
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakenss." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2 Cor. 12:9

You know how we're told to meditate on scripture? It's been a while since I've seen this in my own life. I keep remembering the things He has told me, and they run through my mind, over and over and over again.

His grace is sufficient for me.

If only we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. And the words 'suffer WITH Him' just jumped out at me! I'm not alone in my suffering. In my suffering, I am tied to Him. I can offer my suffering up for others, praying for them. (Oh how I LOVE this idea in our faith!!) 

These children are HIS. 

The Lord gives and takes away. 

God pulled another one on me that made me smile the other day. I have a prayer journal, that I honestly haven't written in in a while. The last entry was 3/31 (Not to say I haven't prayed since then haha!), where I was asking God to help us discern if we should be trying to conceive, and where I wrote something else that struck me on Sunday. I wrote that twice that day, I had read not to ask God why, but to trust Him. I wrote that I didn't know why God was telling me this, but if a time was to come in my future, please help me to trust Him, and not ask why, but also, please protect our family. AMAZING. Even 2 months ago, God was preparing me, and I don't think I have asked why, at least not that I remember. I remember praying a few times "Lord, I don't understand why, but I am trusting you." I don't think I could be in this position without Him, without His grace. And even more, without the prayers of so many others. 

So many of our friends knew we'd been wanting to get pregnant, knew how incredibly excited we were. I mean, we couldn't even wait to tell people because we were so excited! (Plus, we just don't keep secrets well ;-)). So, knowing that, we know our friends have been praying for us, and I can't tell you how much that has helped. I really, truly feel at peace. I know the peace may go away, as we discuss our plans for the future, it may diminish some if we get pregnant again, and I'm sure Christmas will be a struggle in a way this year. But, I know the power of prayer, and God's power, as it has been made SO INCREDIBLY EVIDENT to us lately.

This is off topic a bit, because it's something I've wanted to blog about so much lately, but haven't had the chance. God has blessed us in amazing ways living in Germany. I can't say I love Germany, our house, any of that. But... I can say I LOVE our Catholic community. All of our friends are also all blown away by how God has brought us together as a community. The love, the friendship, the support, the giving, the caring. It truly amazes me, and shows the love of Christ. But best of all, I am amazed at how much I am spiritually growing here, having this support community around me, keeping me accountable and challenging me. 

It's probably sad, but in my 4 years of being a Catholic, I don't think I had yet gone to pray before the Blessed Sacrament (Unless it was available at mass.) This week, a dear friend offered to come and hang with my kids for a little bit so I could, and what... what peace it brought me, to get 30 minutes to just sit there, praying, writing some prayer, and listening to what God needed to tell me, in absolute peace and quiet. (You can guarantee I don't get that ever!) 

I am truly blessed and thankful for what God has given me, and rejoicing in my blessings is helping me through the struggles. I know God is in control, and I trust Him. I don't need to know why to anything, I just need to leave it in His hands, and pray for His guidance in what to do more often. This event in our lives has definitely shown me and taught me some lessons, and I pray I don't forget these lessons in the future. 

The Lord gives, the Lord takes away... Job 1:21

This will truly be a long post. But the very short end of it is this. We have miscarried this child God gave us, and our hearts our broken. Prayers are always appreciated.


I'm struggling spiritually, in a weird way. I totally trust God, know he's in control, am meditating on scripture, all of that. I'm struggling because I feel like God took this child from me because I forgot it was His. I was all "we're pregnant", not giving God the glory in that part of my life. Assuming we'd be fine, and have a healthy, normal baby in Dec., already having fun buying a maternity shirt or two, looking at car seats, etc. But not really praying for said child, not really talking to God about it, Not giving Him the glory. Totally forgetting that this child, all my children, are HIS and not mine, and that He gives and He can take away. I feel like it's my fault, spiritually speaking, that the Lord has taken it away. I know, that's probably stupid, but that's how I feel. 


However, I see the Lord in it all still. While I was in the hospital Friday night, bleeding and thinking we were miscarrying, I knew a friend was likely in labor, at the same hospital (and did see she had the baby by the next morning.) So I was able to pray for her. The nurse said they were never blessed with children, and were hoping to start foster care to adopt when they got back stateside, so I was able to pray for her. All these others God placed on my heart, to distract me during the time and offer up my suffering for them. 

While I was sitting in the hospital today, waiting confirmation that my HCG had in fact dropped and it was indeed a miscarriage, I was reading a book, and happened to see my bookmark, which contained this prayer:

Bless this Little child, Lord.

Lord, look down from heaven from above

And touch this special child with love,

Protect and guide this little one,

Till each and every day is done:

Remind us often that it's true:

This life is a gift from you.

A miracle you've sent our way!

Lord bless this child today.

I immediately prayed this prayer, twice, hoping that we'd come back to hear some miracle, but knowing if there wasn't the answer *I* wanted, that this was GOD'S CHILD, not mine.

Another thing happened while sitting in the hospital today. I am attempting to read The Interior Castle by Saint Teresa of Avila. She wrote the following:

Do not act thus, sisters; embrace the cross your Spouse bore on His shoulders; know that your motto should be: 'Most happy she who suffers most if it be for Christ!' All else should be looked upon as secondary: if our Lord give it you, render Him grateful thanks. You may imagine you would be resolute in enduring external trials if God gave you interior consolations: His Majesty knows best what is good for us; it is not for us to advise Him how to treat us, for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. Remember, it is of the greatest importance--the sole aim of one beginning to practise prayer should be to endure trials, and to resolve and strive to the utmost of her power to conform her own will to the will of God.

Following this, I went to mass, alone. I spent a great amount of time praying, telling God how I felt. Amazingly, when the scripture reading came, the second one contained Romans 8:17- If only we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. Followed by Matthew 28:20 And behold I am with you always, until the end of the age.  


I felt God was clearly speaking to me about suffering, and I had confidence that He does know what is better for me than I may even ask. Following mass, I was attempting to pick up around the house. My house is an absolute disaster right now. I mean, seriously. Normally I couldn't care less if a friend stopped by, but I would be embarrassed at this time. So I found a book. A book that was given to me at MOPS, right after I announced I was pregnant. I took it home and honestly never gave it a second look. Tonight I went to move it and there was a bookmark inside. When I opened that page, it read 

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakenss." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2 Cor. 12:9

God's grace -- these are two of the most powerful words of the Bible. Those words cover our mistakes and shortcomings. They give us hope to look beyond life's disappointments. Adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God. He does not glory in our pain or sorrow, but He does use our experiences to teach us about His love and faithfulness. God knows the future. He undertands the benefit of our shortcomings and how they can be used to strengthen our faith, refine our hope, and settle our hearts into a plae of contentment and trust. God has promised that His grace is sufficient, and He will walk with us through the valley times of life. 

Have you ever felt like life was going so great, there would definitely be a trial in front of you at some point? I had felt like that recently. It never crossed my mind that God would decide to take this child. But in Him taking it, He offer his grace, His grace that it sufficient for me. 


I share all of this because this is what is helping me through today, and through this weekend. I want to remember what God is telling me down the road, when I continue to grieve. We all grieve in our own ways. Mine appears to remain quiet, not talk much to anyone besides my husband, stay secluded for the most part, and to listen for God's direction. I am amazed at the direction He is giving me, and the comfort and peace. I may feel it's spiritually my fault, but God is giving me nuggets to chew on, to help me continue to seek after Him. 


My husband enjoys naming our children that have gone on to God before we were ready. Our first, prior to Abigayle, was James. This child is named Jacob, as it was a name Zach suggested at one point. We, as husband and wife, are really struggling. God gave us our other children, without us knowing we wanted them. This one, we knew we wanted before it was even conceived. We hoped and prayed for a child, and God gave it for a short while, then took it back. What do I know? for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. I don't understand, but I know God's child is home with Him. In the meantime, I have 3 of His other children He has entrusted to me and I will do my best to raise them for His glory. 

Miserable Mass

My husband was out of town, and of course, it was time for Sunday mass. I had to make many decisions, including "Do I dare attempt to go to mass, alone, with 3 kids who sometimes behave, and sometimes don't?" Then I read this article online, and felt convicted that yes, I should.

Then came the many other questions. Do I make the girls take a nap or skip it? I wagered that if they skipped it, they'd be tired and hopefully sleep during mass, instead of having their energy to be stubborn. Then there was the "Do we sit on the 3rd to 5th row like we usually do? Or go for the back?" I decided the 3rd to 5th was best for two reasons. If I needed to dash out with one child, I knew the people who normally sit around me would keep an eye on the other 2 for a moment. And if I tried to sit in the back, out of routine, the older two would flip. And the final,  "Can I get to confession without Jon to help watch the kids?" Some friends offered, but I ended up taking Abby in with me and the other two sat right outside, reading like angels. (Thank God!)

So... mass began. I had prepared them that it was Pentecost Sunday, that there would be red, that we would talk about Pentecost, the Holy Spirit and Tongues of Fire. I told them all about it, in hopes that they'd listen for these familiar key words. They were struggling, or maybe it was just me. I was very tense, I know that. The no naps didn't mean they fell asleep.

Somehow, right after the consecration, as everyone is kneeling, two girls started in on a screaming fight at each other. I THINK Hannah was taking the crayon and paper Abby had, and Abby was yelling "MINE!!!" I quickly told Zach to sit in the pew, and tried to dash out as fast as I could. I don't remember if Hannah was screaming on the way out, or Abby crying or what, but I'm sure I had the look of "Lord, keep me from killing them" on my face. We went outside the church (not the lobby, out.side, like beyond the glass doors, the walls, everything. They both got a ... you know ;-) and then I got down and gave them both a stern talking. Gave Hannah 3 seconds to stop crying; she did. I told her that I would not be afraid to bring her back out if she dared act like that again, and I told Abby she was going to stay in my arms the rest of the mass.

My husband has had to take Hannah out a few times in the past, and I knew he has spanked her in the past. She always tries to pull one on me during mass, and usually he takes her at that point. I felt like I HAD to finally show her that I WAS in charge and I mean business. So, I almost never spank in public (or ever for that matter), but felt it had to happen today. I do realize that she was likely tired, but this wasn't an issue caused from tiredness. It was simply aggravating her sister. (When it's over-tired, she can't stop crying by 3)

After I got home, I realized that the side doors to the church were open (no a/c, so fans in the doors). I pray no one heard us! They were pretty good the rest of mass I suppose. But I felt majorly defeated, discouraged, and embarrassed. I felt I owed the couple behind me an apology, because I know they were probably the most distracting they've ever been today, even though that couple has always been so sweet and understanding. I did apologize, and yet again, they were sweet and understanding and encouraged me.

Then we walked out of mass and Father said "wow, there was a lot of drama going on there in the back at the end!" I'm not sure if he was talking to me, or trying to talk to the kids. I tried to mutter something along the lines of yeah, it's hard when daddy's not here and I'm sorry. Jon swears this priest loves kids and has told him that before, but sometimes I don't feel it. Then he proceeded with "I'll message you back soon too." Apparently he got the email I sent him this morning about "Would you like to come from dinner, sincerely, our family, with the 3 kids that sit near the front at the Life Teen mass." HA! He's probably thinking "Yeah, I'll reply with 'I have no time in the immediate future' or 'What is she thinking getting pregnant with the way her kids acted in mass?'"

So, next time, and there will be a next time, I'm not sure what I'll try... make sure they get naps? Don't sit in the front? Or maybe just skip mass all together? I do feel very defeated and discouraged, but I'm trying to remember the article I read recently where it talked about discouragement is not of God, but of Satan.

News and travel

Ok, really, I don't like the new blogger format... But I guess they forgot to ask my opinion huh?

So, life has been busy. The first bit of news is we're expecting baby #4!! We're due around Christmas and couldn't be any more excited. We were really wanting another baby and God's timing is just always perfect.

Next, we've actually been traveling! Last week, some good friends of ours watched our 3 kids for the day while we went to Trier. Trier is about an hour away driving, but we went on a tour with the USO, taking the train and learning how to use the German train system. It was a lot of fun and we learned a lot about the train and Trier. The biggest part of going to Trier was thousands of people are pilgriming there over the course of the last month to see the robe of Jesus. It was brought over by St. Helena and is believed to be the robe that Jesus wore. There are many rumors about it, such as that Mary made it for him when He was a boy, and it grew with him. This could have been the same robe that the woman touched the hem of his garment. It was amazing to see them hem of it. That was seriously the part that amazed me the most. It was a really neat, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

 This is Jon and I in front of the Porta Nigra, the only remaining part of the city gate.

Then this past Saturday we finally went to Heidleberg. It's an hour away, and has a large, beautiful castle. What more could a family want on a beautiful day out. We did lots of walking and I swore the kids would pass out on the way home, but they didn't. Here's a picture of the beautiful castle.

 The really neat bridge.

 Sibling love! :)

There's a lot more going on, but I'll save it for another post, as I have 30 minutes to shower and get ready to be out of here. ;-) Always on the go, which is why this is always behind! ;-)

Avoiding the Hole

Wow, when did blogger change? Has it really been that long since I last posted?? Hello new, and annoying look. Everything about Google has changed (blogger, gmail, etc.) It's very hard on my eyes. I guess that's a sign I'm getting old.

Anyway, that was not the point of my post. Quite frankly, I"m not sure what the point of my post will be tonight. Has anyone else noticed what I've noticed? This hole that sucks you in. I'm on an online forum, there's the crazy facebook, and every woman's favorite, pinterest. I check all of these plus email daily, several times a day. But then, there's more. I see on facebook this great mothering article everyone is sharing, or the awesome homeschool blog my friend just discovered, or my husband says "Did you hear the news about XYZ?" And I'm off to google that. So I go to start reading, and I'm in the hole, getting sucked in.

I'm beginning to realize that while blogs and pinterest are great and offer incredible ideas to use, I need to be leery. They are sucking my time, and making me feel bad about the things I can't accomplish. There was this great article published recently, and I think so much of it rang true.

I'm also noticing another trend in my life, that I hear of something "good, noble, holy," whatever it is, and I think "that's awesome, I should try it." For example, recently some friends talked about how they felt convicted to dress nicely for church. I mentioned how I've always felt that way for Sunday, but weekday mass, not as much. Then I realize how stupid that sounded, because during the week and on Sunday, I am before Christ, and should look nice.

But then, while I was thinking this over and trying to decide if this was for me, God smacked me. He said (something like)  "I was talking to her about that. Not you. I've called you to work on so many other things right now, that how you dress during weekday mass is not important right now. Right now, I want to see you at week day mass, that's it. I don't care how you look. It's your heart that I want. And aside from that, I want you to work on your relationship with your children and me. Your dress isn't important right now. I want you praying for your husband and your children more. I want you teaching them Bible verses. If you are dressed modestly, I don't care if you're in jeans or a dress, or if your hair is covered or thrown in a scrunchie with your fly-aways nailed down with hairspray. I just want you. Seeking after Me."

So, with that said, there are some women I "know" in my life, that I want to get to know better. Women who seem so... well, holy. I am not saying they are perfect, but they are similar to what I envision being one day. And I don't mean they are great at cooking everything from scratch, every meal on the table at 5:30, house perfect, are on top of homeschooling, etc.

No, I mean they know how to talk to their children and have their children listen, they know how to use gentle voices with their children, and you can tell they are instilling great spiritual ideas in their children, like that beauty is on the inside, not physically. THESE are the women I want to get to know, I pray I can get to know better, so that I can learn by their examples. I'm sure they've worked long and hard at it, and I want to learn by their example. These are the areas I feel God is wanting me to work on right now. Not the cute craft ideas on pinterest, or the awesome themed party this girl on that blog threw for her one year old who doesn't even understand it's her birthday. No, it's teaching my children the basics of how to live a good, holy, Catholic life.

Life changes

As some of you may know, our life recently took a big change. My good friend here had a successful VBA2C (Vaginal birth after 2 C-sections) on 2/29. I was so happy and excited for her. However, this past Monday, the day after his baptism, her newborn ended up in the hospital with RSV. I quickly volunteered to take her older two kids, ages 4 and 6. None of us realize how severe it was. They transferred him to another hospital this week and at this point, it looks like he'll still be in the hospital for another 2 weeks. I am going to continue to keep her children. Thankfully they flew her husband back from deployment, but they need to focus on the newborn, and they feel the older two are in good hands. (I hope so! ;-))

This has been a BIG change for us. I now have to make sure we're up every morning at 7, get everyone breakfast and dressed, walk 5 kids to school at 8, come back home, walk back at 10:30 to pick one up, and then again at 2:30. It's not bad, just much different than we're use to. At least I'm getting my exercise in ;-) I also managed to take four to the grocery store the other day. Completely survived, after dealing with Hannah screaming for about 5 minutes that she wanted a car grocery cart.

Her kids are very well behaved, and falling in to our schedule, routine, and rules pretty well. The first few days I was "easy" on them, but since learning it will likely be another two weeks, I've insisted they start following some of our rules, etc.

It's opened a lot of dialogue for my husband and me. It does give us an idea of what having 5 would be like... Yes, the ages would be different and they'd all be ours, but the logistics of getting places with 5 would be similar (ie is it easier to just walk to mass or load 5 in car seats today... and HOW are we going to get through mass with 5 kids?). There is still the same amount of dishes and laundry, and oh boy! Am I failing on that!! Plus baths for 5 kids, and cooking for 7 would be the same, which I'm managing, but it's still challenging. I'm VERY grateful that some people have offered to bring us a few meals here and there, along with the mom and dad. Plus, dealing with whining and tattle-tailing, and the if we were to have 5 kids while living here, and how that would be and feel. (cramped! I already couldn't stand where we live, but to add more kids, oh wow.)

It's also opened our eyes to what adoption and foster care could be like in ways. Obviously I realize they would have a lot more issues involved most likely, but this must be similar, my kids and the other kids learning to get along, learning who's the alpha dog, learning what's acceptable in the house and not, etc. etc. And since we've definitely considered both as well, it's been somewhat eye opening.

Like I said, it's given us a new insight on a lot of things, and left me thinking, imagining, and most importantly, praying. It shows me that my desires for more children are still there, as I'm loving having a full house (now that I'm getting use to it). We've never really been in a position where we've had the chance to pray and seek God about adding to our family, so this is a brand new adventure in and of itself, and it's hard to know what God's saying. We know that we are suppose to wait for a bit longer at least. I think for now, we'll just get through the next 2 weeks, then worry about the rest. ;-)

With that said, homeschooling has been put on a back burner for right now. Oh one of the joys of homeschooling, and one of the joys of just doing preschool. My kids and one of the others are very interested in Shadows lately, so I may try to do some research on shadows and try to make a learning experience out of that, if I can find the time. I'm dying to do some crafting, but that's been on hold as well. At 7-7:30 all kids are in bed, so I TRY to finish dishes, and all but pass out by 8. Coffee has become my best friend again. Speaking of which, I think my fresh pot is just done, so I'm off to pour a cup. Hope everyone has a blessed Sunday.

And most importantly, please, keep baby K in your prayers, along with his parents J & J.

Short homeschooling thought

I saw this in a comment I read on a blog, and I loved the idea so much, I wanted to share (and write it down to remember). This woman was talking about being stationed in Germany and homeschooling, and how each summer, they do a unit study. The first summer was on WWI, and they visited many WWI places. This summer will be on Middle Ages, with a goal to visit a new castle each week. And next summer will be WWII, including a trip to Normandy Beach. There are so many places we could visit here, that if I could come up with a "unit study" like that, and focus where we're going on that, and give the kids more info before we go, it might be really worth while! Loved the idea!

Six months

It is hard to believe we have officially been here the first 6 months. Everyone tells you "The first 6 months are the hardest." So we're hoping that things look up from here. We can't say it's been "HARD". Parts have, but the past 2 months have been relatively easy. We're settling in to somewhat of a routine. Homeschooling was doing great, up until the week on Love, and then I've fallen behind because life God busy. Hoping to pick back up this week, as the kids have been bugging me to do school. I have goals for the coming week, hoping to take each day at a time.

Goals:

1. Get up with husband, if not, no later than 8am.

1b. Go to bed by 10 most nights, 11 at the absolute latest.

2. Have everyone get dressed, make beds, comb hair and brush teeth every morning.

3. Work out at least 4x this week.

4. Complete my Bible study before Thursday.

5. Do school at least 4 days this week, including reading books, some crafts, and some fun time.

6. Go outside and play at least 4 days this week.

7. Go to mass on Wednesday.

8. Work on my diabetes management more.

9. Finish crafts and get them mailed

10. Finalize what curriculum we hope to use for K next year.

Anyway, Germany... do we love it? No, not at all. We really don't like it at all. We're trying our best to be content. Jon apparently felt it when we first moved in, and I'm really beginning to feel closed in and cramped in our little apartment with three kids and so many toys, and no real place to do school. We're praying about possibly moving in the fall, or after. We'll see what comes and how we feel then. We can't move any earlier than Sept. We also hate that we don't have a backyard, and our kids have to play on a playground, with us out there, and a bunch of much older kids. I'm really trying to make sure I take the kids out in the morning when the older kids aren't out there. I hate the language barrier, and I'm just not picking up German like I had hoped. The idea of traveling is all good, but you have to have money, and a family that wants to do it. My husband doesn't like to travel at all unfortunately. So, we're stuck here for 3 years, and are doing the best we can to make it a positive experience as much as possible. Hopefully the summer will bring more joy.

However, I do feel very blessed in that I LOVE our church on base and our Catholic community. Right after I started here, the Catholic Women's group, which I had already joined, created a new Bible study for "Moms and Lil Catholics". Through this group, I have met some awesome, very conservative Catholic moms who all have kids the same age as mine, and are all about the same age as me. This is a very new experience for me, and I'm LOVING it and feeling so blessed. Also, my husband seems to like their husbands and able to relate to them, which is a very new thing for us as well.

Anyway, with that said, mass is in about an hour and a half, and I need to run and start waking up kids and getting them ready. Happy Sunday to all!