Miserable Mass

My husband was out of town, and of course, it was time for Sunday mass. I had to make many decisions, including "Do I dare attempt to go to mass, alone, with 3 kids who sometimes behave, and sometimes don't?" Then I read this article online, and felt convicted that yes, I should.

Then came the many other questions. Do I make the girls take a nap or skip it? I wagered that if they skipped it, they'd be tired and hopefully sleep during mass, instead of having their energy to be stubborn. Then there was the "Do we sit on the 3rd to 5th row like we usually do? Or go for the back?" I decided the 3rd to 5th was best for two reasons. If I needed to dash out with one child, I knew the people who normally sit around me would keep an eye on the other 2 for a moment. And if I tried to sit in the back, out of routine, the older two would flip. And the final,  "Can I get to confession without Jon to help watch the kids?" Some friends offered, but I ended up taking Abby in with me and the other two sat right outside, reading like angels. (Thank God!)

So... mass began. I had prepared them that it was Pentecost Sunday, that there would be red, that we would talk about Pentecost, the Holy Spirit and Tongues of Fire. I told them all about it, in hopes that they'd listen for these familiar key words. They were struggling, or maybe it was just me. I was very tense, I know that. The no naps didn't mean they fell asleep.

Somehow, right after the consecration, as everyone is kneeling, two girls started in on a screaming fight at each other. I THINK Hannah was taking the crayon and paper Abby had, and Abby was yelling "MINE!!!" I quickly told Zach to sit in the pew, and tried to dash out as fast as I could. I don't remember if Hannah was screaming on the way out, or Abby crying or what, but I'm sure I had the look of "Lord, keep me from killing them" on my face. We went outside the church (not the lobby, out.side, like beyond the glass doors, the walls, everything. They both got a ... you know ;-) and then I got down and gave them both a stern talking. Gave Hannah 3 seconds to stop crying; she did. I told her that I would not be afraid to bring her back out if she dared act like that again, and I told Abby she was going to stay in my arms the rest of the mass.

My husband has had to take Hannah out a few times in the past, and I knew he has spanked her in the past. She always tries to pull one on me during mass, and usually he takes her at that point. I felt like I HAD to finally show her that I WAS in charge and I mean business. So, I almost never spank in public (or ever for that matter), but felt it had to happen today. I do realize that she was likely tired, but this wasn't an issue caused from tiredness. It was simply aggravating her sister. (When it's over-tired, she can't stop crying by 3)

After I got home, I realized that the side doors to the church were open (no a/c, so fans in the doors). I pray no one heard us! They were pretty good the rest of mass I suppose. But I felt majorly defeated, discouraged, and embarrassed. I felt I owed the couple behind me an apology, because I know they were probably the most distracting they've ever been today, even though that couple has always been so sweet and understanding. I did apologize, and yet again, they were sweet and understanding and encouraged me.

Then we walked out of mass and Father said "wow, there was a lot of drama going on there in the back at the end!" I'm not sure if he was talking to me, or trying to talk to the kids. I tried to mutter something along the lines of yeah, it's hard when daddy's not here and I'm sorry. Jon swears this priest loves kids and has told him that before, but sometimes I don't feel it. Then he proceeded with "I'll message you back soon too." Apparently he got the email I sent him this morning about "Would you like to come from dinner, sincerely, our family, with the 3 kids that sit near the front at the Life Teen mass." HA! He's probably thinking "Yeah, I'll reply with 'I have no time in the immediate future' or 'What is she thinking getting pregnant with the way her kids acted in mass?'"

So, next time, and there will be a next time, I'm not sure what I'll try... make sure they get naps? Don't sit in the front? Or maybe just skip mass all together? I do feel very defeated and discouraged, but I'm trying to remember the article I read recently where it talked about discouragement is not of God, but of Satan.