Hospital visit

I have gone back and forth all week on whether or not to post about a situation that occurred last weekend. However, I felt that to help me get final closure, it would be beneficial to post about it and give people more of a glimpse in to life with Diabetes.

As most people know, I have had Diabetes for 27 years. Yes, I am 28, meaning I was diagnosed at 14 months old. My day to day life is very normal. I can eat everything your average person can eat. I am on an insulin pump, so the only added things are I need to check my blood sugar often, count how many carbohydrates I'm eating, and give insulin for all the carbs I eat. It can become a struggle sometimes when I get low blood sugars, such as when I add exercise to my schedule. It because very difficult to regulate the exercise and blood sugars. Otherwise, life with Diabetes is usually very easy and simple in my opinion. (Thank the Lord!)

Last Friday evening, December 21, we had some friends over for dinner. We had a great evening, enjoying some wine, clam chowder, popcorn and games. We had about 3-4 drinks over the course of the whole evening, so not a huge amount spread out. It ended up getting really late, and we somehow convinced our friends to just spend the night. (This is very surprisingly for them, but we now know the Holy Spirit was working.) We went to bed around 3am. At 3am, I gave insulin to cover the alcohol and snacks we'd been eating, letting my pump do the calculations and not paying attention to how much was actually being calculated. This is very normal for me. My pump is programmed to do the math.

About 5 am, my husband noticed me shaking. He tried to wake me up, thinking it was a bad dream. He quickly realized it was a seizure and grabbed a glucagon shot (Shot of sugar basically that works in about 2 minutes.) He ran down the hall to get some sugar to give me, and told our friend to call the local emergency number. Both our friends were awake, and helping. Jon rubbed honey on my gums because my teeth were clinched shut and I bit both his finger and my tongue. He told me that while he's seen me have seizures before, none were to this extent. My head was thrown back, I was foaming at the mouth, and my whole body was stiff. That's why he felt it was necessary to call emergency. When I did come too, I was very confused. I did not remember them being there or spending the night and was a bit freaked out and she was trying to keep me calm and reassure me.

The military police were here in about 2 minutes, followed by the American fire department in about 5. It took the German ambulance about 20 minutes to get here, and they were zero help. All they basically did was transport me to the American hospital and did not know what a seizure was when Jon told them. I guess we need to add the word "Anfall" to our vocabulary. At least "Diabetes" is the same in both languages. I was in my room for close to twenty minutes until we left to go to the hospital. I don't remember anything except walking out of the den and trying to smile at my friend, but not knowing what to say. Thankfully they'd spent the night and were able to stay with our kids while Jon followed the ambulance.

Upon arrival at the American hospital, I had a horrible headache and was throwing up like crazy. (I went through about 10 vomit bags!) Jon had told them we'd been drinking, so upon my discharge, the 3rd point was "Acute alcohol intoxication". However, a Blood Alcohol Content was never taken to prove this. Glucagon shot has side effects, which include nausea and headaches. My mom has told me in the past that hypoglycemic reactions (seizures) have made me very sick as well. So between the seizure and the glucagon it's no surprise I was throwing up so much. It bothers me a great deal that I got "Acute alcohol intoxication" as one of my 3 diagnoses. Around noon, they decided they were going to go ahead and admit me for the night. Overall, the whole hospital experience was excellent and I have nothing negative other than the 3rd diagnoses.

I remember very little from about 5am until noon. I did happen to look at my pump and discover why I had the seizure. I had given a large amount of insulin at that time. While in the hospital, I thought it was just me being stupid, tired, and having been drinking. When I got home from the hospital, I realized that my settings for that time of morning were incredibly low, much lower than I needed them. Therefore it wasn't *me* that gave that much, but the pump. Yes, I did confirm it, but I was trusting the pump to do the right calculations, just like I do a thousand times a year. I did meet with my doctor this past week and we changed those dosages to prevent it from happening again. Because I never eat or give insulin at that time of morning, we never realized how dangerously low those settings were.

I think the last time I had a seizure that required emergency, with no hospital stay, was in 1997. The only time I think I've required a hospital stay, aside from diagnoses, was in about 1990 or so, so it has been a very, very long time. I was surprised to find the impact it had on me. I've had a very difficult time going to sleep this week, fearful it'd happen again, until I went to the doctor on Thursday. I've also had some other fears that I've had to work through with my husband and God. It was interesting, we went to mass on Friday as a family, and the priest, in the homily, talked about how we shouldn't have fear when we have God. I can't explain it perfectly, but it was just the thing I needed to hear, that I needed to give my fears to God. In addition to that, I've had a lot of body soreness this week, as my body was stiff for a good 2 minutes, so my neck, stomach and back have been in a lot of pain. The pain has finally started to subside this weekend.

But God is good. I can see how He was there and protected me the whole time, from our friends happening to spend the night, to Jon remaining completely calm and handling the situation perfectly. He said he was basically just on autopilot, doing the things he knew he had to do. When all was said and done, he was shaking like crazy. And... our friends admitted that they'd seen a new side of him running around working like crazy... in his boxers hahaha! After about 20 minutes, he realized he was still only walking around in his underwear, and decided to get dressed.

This week, we took it pretty easy, especially with Christmas. And this Christmas, I found I was much more thankful for the many blessings in my life, especially my life itself, and my amazing husband who saved my life.

Homeschooling 101

Since beginning our homeschooling journey, I have had several women message me to ask me questions. When you're interested in homeschooling, I think you seek out anyone who may have some been there, done that experience, and ask them all of the questions you can think of. I felt like doing a blog post may be helpful to others as well.

One of the first questions I get asked is, What curriculum do you use?
Well, since we're Catholic, I wanted a Catholic curriculum. I did a lot of research, reading, browsing, talking to others, etc. I wanted a curriculum in a box for our first year, something that told me exactly what I needed to teach when, while I was still getting my feet wet. I went with Catholic Heritage Curriculum (CHC) for this school year, and have loved almost every minute of it. I love that it's very simple, and has a theme for each month. For example, the first month's theme was "I am happy when I obey." Many times when my kids were not obeying, I'd say "What was our theme for the month?" and drive that back in. I love the way it teaches our Catholic faith to my children at such an early age, where Hannah goes around and does things saying "Mom, that was a good image/reflection of God... Mommy, doing that was loving my sister, just like God loves me." These are all things I wanted to teach them, but wasn't sure the right way to go about it, and our curriculum helps greatly with it. I'm not a fan of their math program, MCP. I may be investigating to see what other math program to use instead for next year. My kindergartener has just finished reviewing all his letters and will begin learning to read after Christmas. I'm noticing a lot of problems with writing his letters wrong, so I'm looking in to Handwriting Without Tears, and may begin to use that as well. I still need to sit down and figure out what I'm going to be doing for the 2nd half of the year during Christmas break.

With that said, most people ask me when they're beginning to look at preschool. I have been using this program with Hannah for preschool, but she's basically the age of PreK 3, doing PreK 4, and I don't think she'll be ready for K next year, so I may be reevaluating what to teach her next year. Also, the curriculum for the PreK and the K religion is the same, and I think she's done a great job grasping what I've been teaching, so I MIGHT do 1st grade religion with her next year. One of the joys of homeschooling right there.

But, preschool... One of the most important things to realize when they're still 3-6 years old or so is that 'school' involves a lot more than books. We honestly spend about 1-3 hours for about 3-4 days of schoolwork is all right now. Why? Because imagination time and play time are VERY important still at this age. So, I let my kids have a lot of play time. Sometimes I'll lead the imagination play, other times I just let them go. I hand out play scarves or princess dress up and let them dress up.I give them their Little People manger scene and watch them act it out. Give them a puzzle, or craft supplies, or a game. This is all VERY important at their age still, and is schooling, even if you don't feel like it is. Also remember to not push too much. They have 13 years of schooling ahead, they don't have to be doing multiplication by the time they're 6. I have found websites that say "What your child should know before K" or "What your child should know at the end of K" and used those as a guide. Many children go to K not knowing their ABCs or not knowing how to write them. Don't push your children too hard.

Before I picked out a curriculum, I was going with the basic "Letter of the Week" idea. There is a website with it, but I did not like the flow of their program at all. So, instead, I took the idea of a letter a week, and just looked online for ideas. I would search around my house for items that started with an "A", put them in a bag, and let the kids pull it out, tell me what it was and what it started with. I looked for a Bible story that started with that letter, like "Adam and Eve" and then a Bible verse to work on memorizing that began with "A" as well. I began by searching for  "ABC Bible verse" or something of that nature. This website and this one were helpful for some Bible verse ideas. I also used these verses through our week, such as "Be kind one to another." When they weren't being kind, I'd say "What's our 'B' Bible verse?" We'd also do crafts for the letter of the week. I'd take a word that we'd learned, such as "Butterfly" and just search for "butterfly craft", and we'd do that together. As I was researching things in the beginning, I found several websites that had wonderful ideas, and I'd just use their ideas, and went for those sites almost every time, with just a bit more research if I didn't care for what they offered that week. I'd share these sites, but my computer crashed over the summer, and I don't recall what sites I used at all. But it's easy to research and find what fits what you want to teach.

What led you to homeschool?
Ha! THE question. I grew up in Catholic school (As a Southern Baptist) and then in public middle and high school. (Part of the reason I was open to dating my Catholic husband in the beginning). I always swore my kids would go to school and they would not be homeschooled. Besides, I did not have the patience to homeschool. And really, when I met Jon, I did not even want kids. He was homeschooled and swore our kids would be. I figured "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." That all changed, and by the time I had my second child before our 2nd anniversary, I was Catholic, wanting lots of kids, and planning on homeschooling. God has a way of slowly changing my heart and mind. What changed my mind? I really began to understand the fact that it was my JOB to teach and train my children, to make sure they knew the faith and understood it. I knew that there was no way a public school would do this. I also knew that Catholic schools were expensive, and my experience with Catholic schools is that even those schools aren't best with behavior, etc. I also knew that in a way, it was my job to protect my children, and if that meant sheltering them to a degree, I was fine with it.

Now hear me out when I say sheltering my children. I don't feel that I should keep them locked in my house with no outside experiences. I mean, I should shelter them from learning about sex at 7 years old from kids in their class who know what it is. I will teach my children what sex is when I feel it is age appropriate for each of my children (may be 12 for one, 15 for another! We'll cross that bridge down the road ;-)) I should shelter them from bullying in schools, from bad behavior of children who are not raised the way we raise our children, from hearing things that contradict our faith at such a young, formative age. I should shelter them from hearing things from others that I think they should be learning and hearing from me first. For example, many parents have currently been talking about the CT shootings and how they will tell their children, because they want to be able to talk to their children about it, as a parent, guiding them, teaching them, etc. through this situation. That's how I feel about all situations.

Aside from this, we move with the military usually after schools have begun. And it's a better time than it is during the summer when everyone else is moving. Homeschooling allows this. It also allows for my parents to visit for 3 weeks in Nov., or for us to go home in March, without worrying about school. Either I can take school with us, or we school through the summer. Either way, we're more flexible and don't feel so trapped by the school system.

Will you ever send your kids to a public or Catholic school?
This is not up to me. I pray that this is not the case. But, if situations arise that caused us to need to evaluate it, we'd pray about it long and hard, and pray God would guide us in the right direction. For example, a woman we know who did a fabulous job homeschooling her children, ended up having to put some in school because one of their children got very sick and needs lots of treatments. Those are the type of situations that surely we can't control, and we'd do what was best for our family.

With that said, I think it's important for me to point out that I think no less of anyone who does not homeschool. I strongly feel homeschooling is a calling, and just like He doesn't call everyone to be a doctor, He doesn't call everyone to homeschool. I also realize that like above, there are sometimes issues that require you to put a child in school. And, the trick is, I also think He calls some people, but they try to ignore or fight the call ;-) But anyway, I know each and every family is different and is making the best choices for their children they can.

What websites do you recommend? 
Well, I don't know haha! I knew of a Catholic homeschooling forum, so I began there. They told me about a few Catholic curriculum to look in to. There is CHC, Mother of Divine Grace (was my 2nd choice), Kolbe Academy, Seton, and many more. These four were the ones I researched the most. I love CHC but I'm unsure if I'll use it forever, as it's unaccredited. At this point in our lives, it's ok because our kids are still so young. We'll reevaluate it as they get older and closer to middle and high school. But my first point would be do research. There are books and websites you can find. Type in what you're looking for "Catholic Homeschooling, Baptist Homeschooling, Preschool homeschooling, Homeschooling 2 children at once." There is a wealth of information. Look on Amazon and type in "Homeschooling" and see what comes up. Because I've ordered so many Catholic books, it tends to give me Catholic homeschooling books first ;-) Unfortunately, I can't give much recommendations for curriculum that are not Catholic, but I know there are thousands of wonderful resources out there. If you are catholic, CathSwap is a great place to buy used books from.

One website I do love is education.com  They have tons of printable worksheets. My kids were really not coloring in the lines, so I started to print some color-by-number worksheets from there to have them work on. I do not like it though at the same time, because it's very politically correct. All their Christmas stuff is snowflakes and stockings, nothing Jesus related.

I've used starfall.com for Zach to play on, and heard good things about cookie.com but haven't used it much.

How does your day run?
HA! This one is funny. This year began with me not sure if I'd do K for Zach or PreK. Technically he would not start K if he was in our local school because he missed the cut off by less than a month. So, I got involved in things like I'm use to- MOPS, Bible Study, etc. This has been a huge struggle in getting our schooling done. I'm pretty sure I won't be involved in as much next year. But on a good day, we begin our day with prayer- VERY important. Then we do our music class song "Good day", the theme of the month, the Pledge of Allegiance, our Bible verse and prayer we're working on memorizing. Then we do a few more songs from our music lesson plan, then religion. I use to have religion at the end, but realized that if I have to cut the day short, religion is most important. Then we do another song or two, and do our reading/writing and math work. Then we end with the "God Bless" song we use in our program, and end with a prayer. If we have gotten through our work quickly, we'll read a bit before lunch. Usually we end just in time for lunch, and sometimes I am making lunch while they are doing their math and reading work. In fact, while they are actually working on a subject, if I am not having to hang over them to make sure it's done right, then I'll get the kitchen cleaned, dinner going, etc. The afternoon, both of my girls usually still need naps, so our afternoons are 'quiet time'. Sometimes I'll do some extra work with Zachary, or some specific reading with him, or i'll give him some kind of busy work he likes while I do other house cleaning. Then we try to read together in the evening, or I ask my husband to. This gives him a chance to work on homeschooling some with them and me a chance to clean up from dinner or get other things done around the house.

"I don't have the patience to homeschool. I don't know how you do it."
It's not about me. It's about my kids, and ensuring they get what God has called me to give them. I don't have great patience, but as my husband often points out, we can't grow in patience if we don't have things to put our patience to the test. I think my patience has grown a bit. I still struggle with it, but I'm learning many ways to help my children better listen and understand, and other days, I just have to walk away and pray a Hail Mary, or say "Lord have mercy" before I actually respond to them.

These are the things I usually get asked and can think to share at this moment. Do you have any other questions you may wonder about homeschooling? It's an overwhelming thing to consider, but there are tons of sources out there now. Just begin to research and see what there is! :) Good luck if you are considering it!!

Bastogne, Belgium

Have you seen the HBO series, Band of Brothers? If not, watching that is a must, no matter where you live. It is a ten-series show about Easy Company, the 101st Airborne Division in World War II and their journey throughout the war. One of the episodes specifically shows Bastogne, Belgium and the Battle of the Bulge.

I thought Bastogne would be an incredible place to take my parents while they were visiting. My whole family really enjoys WWII history. We spent the first few nights of their visit watching all ten episodes, then set out for Belgium yesterday morning. We packed a picnic lunch, jackets, gloves, scarves, potty chair, etc. and headed out on the two hour drive. We knew there was a 70% chance of rain, but felt we needed to just get up and go. It poured rain almost the entire drive. Approximately 10 minutes prior to arriving in Bastogne, it stopped raining.

Our plan was to visit the Mardasson Memorial and attached museum, then head to Luxembourg to go to the American Military Cemetery in Luxembourg City.  While driving in to the Bastogne, we spotted a local cemetery. I knew that it was unlikely to be Americans buried there, but it was very neat-looking and I encouraged my husband to use the roundabout and go back, since it was not raining at the moment. He amazingly obliged me.

We got out of the van, bundled up, and walked across the street to look. We didn't stay long, as it was so windy, but it was beautiful. Several people buried in one small area, flowers on almost all the graves, crucifixes and crosses, pictures, and much more.

As we were leaving the cemetery, my mother saw this sign across the street and wanted to walk over and look at it better. 

The Bastogne barracks is where the 101st Airborne's headquarters was. While reading the sign a bit, we discovered that they give tours of  these Barracks for free. But we didn't know if you had to have an appointment, if they were in English, or what. So we walked through the gate to to see if there was further information. My father (bravely) walked in and tried to ask (The main language in Belgium is French, which none of us speak a lick of). The man inside didn't really speak English, but did tell dad the next tour was in 10 minutes and pointed us to the waiting room! We had no clue if there would be English or not, but figured just getting to see the barracks would be fun, so we decided to wait it out. (At this point I took our newly potty training daughter and older daughter back to the car to use our new €3 Ikea potty chair before beginning the tour. Very helpful for little bums in the car while traveling!!!)

As the tour began, the man said "Who speaks English?" and asked who spoke French in French. Those were the only languages he spoke, and he spoke English beautifully! He informed us the tour would last approximately 2 hours. The whole tour, he'd speak a bit of English, then a bit of French, explaining everything in both languages. He took us all over the barracks, giving a great history lesson the entire time. This is where the famous quote from General Anthony McAuliffe was made when told by the Germans to surrender or be killed. 

His reply? It made him famous...

Apparently when the Americans returned this letter to the Germans, the translation was misunderstood and the German asked "Is the response positive or negative?" The American said "The answer is in the letter." The German said "Yes, yes, I know this, but... is it a positive answer or negative answer. We don't understand what he means." American said "It is definitely a negative answer." (Not exact quotes, a rough translation of what the tour guide told us.)

The tour also included many military vehicles and a museum of artifacts that were all original to the 2nd World War, including a container of blood for transfusions, cigarettes, gas masks, machine guns, and so much more. We were unsure if the children would last. Part of the tour was outside, so we let them be just a bit away from us and run around however they wanted. When we went inside the buildings, we explained everything we saw to them and they behaved fabulously. They LOVED the vehicle restoration center. 

The barracks were originally Belgium. They were at war with Germany for 17 days, then the Germans took over the barracks. The Belgiums were forced to help the Germans and train them here. Then Americans  drove the Germans out and the Americans used it as their barracks while in Bastogne. Bastogne was the halfway point from Normandy and Luxembourg. The Germans had attacked all 3 at the same time and wanted to get Bastogne to use it when going back and forth between Normandy and Luxembourg. This is the only place where there is any evidence that the Germans were there.  You can see the white with black on this wall.

After the tour, we went ahead and went to the Mardasson Memorial. This was incredible, to see how much the Belgium people appreciated the Americans and that we would always be allies. It was amazing to see the American flag flying in Belgium. The Memorial is in the shape of a star, with all the states listed at the top. On the sides are all the units that fought in the Battle of the Bulge. On the inside of the circle is the story telling about Bastogne and the Americans. Unfortunately, the museum was closed for reconstruction. I was so glad we had found the Barracks, otherwise I would have been slightly bummed to have driven two hours just to see the memorial. The museum is suppose to reopen in May or June, 2013. 

The Memorial

 Our family

 My mom and my daughter

 Our flag

 Me with the 101st Airborne Division sign

We ended up postponing our Luxembourg trip, and headed back toward our home around 5:30. On our way back, we stopped at one of our favorite local restaurants, Hotel Anna's, and ate dinner. It was a fabulous day and very moving. We couldn't help thinking how chilly we were and we were dressed warmly, while the soldiers were fighting in the snow with no warm gear. It really made me think of them and thank God for the sacrifice they gave for Americans, and people in other countries as well! I pray they are resting in peace. I strongly recommend this trip to others. 

Information from the Bastogne Barracks Facebook page:  Bastogne Barracks - district Hi Heintz - Street rock 40-6600 Bastogne Free Admission Days and hours: daily except Mondays Guided tours only, starting visits: 09.00 Hr, Hr 10.00, 13.00 and 14.00 Hr Hr For groups of more 20 persons, appointment bookings 32 (0) 61 24 21 24 bb.mra @ skynet.be http://www.klm-mra.be/

I would recommend calling to make sure they are doing tours and finding out if there is an English one before going. 

Information for Mardasson Memorial: Maison du Tourisme du Pays de Bastogne, Place McAuliffe, 6600 Bastogne - tel: 061/21 17 11 - fax: 061/21 2725. No guided tours.

Living the Catholic Faith

I may have done a post similar to this in the past, but I feel a need to do it again.

As many of my readers know, I grew up in a very large Southern Baptist Church. Attended this church my whole life. A Church that to this day, I still love dearly and have many friends who continue to attend there.

When I began to date Jonathan, I began to lose some of my friends. I know there were many issues that played in to this. I wasn't at the church every time the doors were open, because Jon lived 4 hours away, so many weekends, I wasn't in town. However, there was still the opportunity to email me, talk to me in other ways, as my closest friends, even to this day, still do. Many events transpired to make me feel like I should not be attending the church anymore. My faith was also shaken and there were some things I just really struggled with.

Jonathan was a Catholic. Honestly, I faced a lot of issues from my friends because he was a Catholic. Many comments about how we were unequally yoked. I ended up losing many friends over our relationship. However, many of the things I was struggling with, he could answer.

I began on my own journey, studying about Catholicism, hoping to find fault in it as I had always been taught growing up. But as I began to study it, I learned that the things I had been taught, weren't exactly what Catholics believed. This isn't a post to talk about why I converted though...

For a long time, even after converting, I was afraid to change my Facebook status from Christian to Catholic. I thought "Why should I. I'm still a Christian." Truth was, I didn't want to have to explain myself to any of my friends from my old church. I KNEW I belonged in the Catholic Church, but yet, still felt some... shame? I hate to say that word, but it's the only word I can think of. I had studied everything and in 2 years time, decided to join the Roman Catholic Church (RCC). Yet, in 2 yrs time, I hadn't learned how to defend many of my new beliefs.

After a while, as I began to grow in my faith, I quietly changed my status. Then for a while, that was it. I didn't post anything possibly Catholic sounding. But then I began to grow more. I began to want to share stuff. My group of FB friends that were Catholic also began to grow, and I wanted to share with them the exciting things I was finding and learning. Slowly, I began to post Catholic links, comments, and more. I think now, all my friends probably know that I am Catholic.

Growing up, the Catholics I knew were 'cafeteria Catholics'. I hate that term, but we all know some of them. They picked and choose what they wanted to believe about Catholicism. But that's not Catholicism. When you're Catholic, you can't pick and choose. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people are struggling with a certain aspect of the faith. Maybe they're struggling with Mary, or confession. But if they are, the wise thing for them to be doing is studying more about it, praying about it, and seeking Christ and why the Church teaches what they do. Usually, they will see and understand it better eventually. But to say "Oh no, I think the  Church is wrong about XYZ (Abortion, gay marriage, contraception)" without studying WHY the Church says what she believes, is wrong.

But recently, something has occurred to me. If the majority of the Catholics I knew growing up were not devout in their faith, or never expressed to me why they believed what they believed, what does that say? That says it is time for me to be THAT Catholic, the one among my non-Catholic friends who DOES talk about my faith, let's it be known that while I am Catholic, I truly love the Lord, serve Him, and know I am getting the most out of my faith possible. THAT Catholic that can explain (to the best of my horrible debating abilities) why we believe what we do. I need to be an example to the friends from my youth, of what a Catholic is suppose to look like. A sinner, seeking after Christ, doing my absolute best to live a Holy life, using all the wonderful things my faith has available to help me live a Holy life, and receiving Him in the Eucharist each week, not because it's a Holy Day of Obligation but because- it's Christ!! I should WANT to be there to receive Him each week.

I have been a Catholic now for 4.5 years, and could not be happier in my faith.

Knights of Columbus

When my husband was in high school, he attended a Catholic boys school. While there, he joined the Knights of Columbus, a Catholic men's organization. He became a 1st Degree Knight, but never went further with it.

When we got married and moved to Colorado, I heard the Knights of Columbus mentioned several times. I kept trying to convince him to get involved, but he would have been the youngest by far and was not interested at all. I just kept praying that eventually he would, as I knew he would make some Godly friends and grow in his faith if involved. 

Forward 5 years when we got stationed here in Germany. I made several female friends, and they asked me if my husband was a Knight, as their husbands all were or were in the process of becoming one. I began praying again and trying to convince him. After meeting some of the men, he decided to get re-involved and became a 2nd and 3rd Degree Knight. 

Twice a month, he would go to their meetings and socials. I all of a sudden began to see a new man form in my husband, one that was truly seeking God, wanting to know how to become a more Godly man, husband, and father. I knew that having this time with other Godly men was having a serious impact on him. Usually at the meetings, one of our local priests was also there, and he began to get to know them better. 

During this time, I was also getting to know more Catholic women better, and my Catholic faith was really growing. Slowly, I noticed my husband suggesting we go to Confession more, and for Lent, as a family, we made the commitment to start attending daily mass once a week. This has even continued for the most part since Lent. 

In May, the KOC decided they wanted to have a 4th Degree Exemplification. This had not been not in Europe yet, and would be a big undertaking. This past Saturday, October 13, was the first 4th Degree Exemplification. When they began to plan this, they expected to have about 40-60 men participate. Instead, this past Saturday, they had one hundred and twenty-one men make their 4th Degree Exemplification!!! Here is a picture of all of the men. (This picture was taken by the KOC, but I cropped it)

It was an amazing day. The men had the Exemplification in the afternoon, then we met them for a special mass with Bishop Spencer, Episcopal Vicar for Europe and Asia. He was an incredible speaker. (And on a side, he is one of the guest speakers at a Catholic women's conference I'm about to go to, and it makes me super excited to get to hear him!) Following this was a formal dinner at the Officer's Club. The food was great, the company fabulous, the speakers entertaining and enlightening.

Through one of the speakers, we learned this was the 3rd overseas military 3rd Degree Knights of Columbus order (in fact, we have a local German priest that sometimes says mass on base, and he became a 4th degree as well!) It is the 3rd in 6 months, but by far the largest! Men came from all over this country, and even from England and Naples! There were also 5 sets of fathers and sons doing it together, one of which we knew.

It was so exciting to see 121 men stand up, all dressed in their uniforms or tuxes, in the front rows of the church, and know that these are our leaders, the men in our homes setting Godly Christian examples, for their community, wives, and most importantly, their children. I am so proud of my husband, and the other men in our lives living here, and so thankful for each and everyone of them, and what they mean to our family.

Please pray for these men, as they continue to be leaders, following Christ and setting an example to others. Also, please pray for their wives, as we are all about to leave for a European-wide Military Council of Catholic Women conference. We know God has a lot planned for each of us, but prayers are welcome.

Struggles of Diabetes

I don't talk much about my life with diabetes. It's not that I dislike talking about it. After having it for 27 years, there's usually not much to talk about. It's just "normal". However, today I had an incident that I thought I would share. I will start by saying it was very, very scary and has made us decide we need to make a plan, and educate our 5 year old son more.

Ever since moving here, the thought has crossed my mind "What would happen if something happened to me?" I had it all planned, I'd tell Zach to call the number on the board for daddy's job, and go get one of our 5 neighbors. Today, we put that in to practice, but it did not go like I had planned.

I woke up sick, spending the whole morning in the bathroom and bed. Around 11am, I was feeling mostly better and had a bowl of cereal. Around 1pm, I started feeling so nauseas. I took an anti-nausea pill, and threw up the cereal I'd eaten 2 minutes later. I knew that I had insulin in me for that cereal, and without it, I was going to crash. But at the same time, I knew that if I tried to eat or drink anything, it'd likely come back up. And I was sooo tired and exhausted. So I drank some juice, turned my insulin pump off (to get no insulin) and laid down for a nap. After a bit, I woke back up knowing my blood sugar was very low.

I yelled to Zach to bring me some juice. I have something called a glucagon pen. It's a prescription shot that is suppose to get your blood sugar up SUPER fast. Growing up, mom said they didn't help, but I have used 1 or 2 since having kids, when sick and pregnant, and they help. I had one, but it was expired a year ago (I know! Bad me, but with the struggles I've had getting good diabetes care here, it wasn't a top priority unfortunately.) So I called my mom to see if it was ok to use it, while checking my blood sugar. It was 39! (Normal is 80-120 usually) My mom told me to get my neighbor up here and husband home.

Thirty-nine is the type of low that I would send Jon to get me juice for. Yet, I had to do it. I sent Zach to get a neighbor, mainly because if I went in to a seizure, I needed someone to be able to call emergency, or to help get me stuff, etc. NONE of my five neighbors were home! I called Jon multiple times (Later found out it was 8 times!) and he wasn't at his desk. I was hoping calling that many times, the person at the desk would pick up, but the officers didn't. I was able to give the glucagon shot. A very short time later, I was trying to check my blood sugar again. I couldn't see. My hands were shaking, everything was blurry, and I was praying. I was seriously probably just a few seconds from going in to a seizure and felt like I was going to black out. I was about to call emergency myself, not knowing what would happen to my kids, how they'd notify Jon, etc. when the glucagon shot kicked in and started working. Jon called me about 30 min later and came home.

Thankfully, I'm doing fine tonight. But I don't think I've ever been so scared. I informed Jon that I need a way to be able to reach him if he's not at his desk, to get someone in the building to track him down. We're going to be teaching Zach more about my diabetes and what to do if mommy is having a serious issue, like today. Tonight, we're just thanking the Lord that I am okay, and praying nothing like this happens again any time soon.

Schooling, work and travel

Life has been busy, as always. We've begun to homeschool, Z in kindergarten and H in preschool. It's going much better than I ever imagined and I'm really enjoying it. We still need to figure out some kinks, but it's not bad. I'm making sure I hit the main subjects, and still want to touch on the 'extra' stuff more. My favorite comment recently is "Z, what sound does an 'e' make?" .... "Umm, the same sound as yesterday." Ok, thanks kiddo lol! He's got lots of answers like that.

We haven't been doing much bike riding, because almost immediately after we got back from our trip, Jon had to work 14 days in a row, for 14-15 hrs a day. It was exhausting, and we're so glad that time is over! However, while the girls and I went to a birthday party yesterday, hubby and Z went on a TWENTY MILE bike ride!!!

Aside from that, the other thing keeping me busy lately is I finally called and made all of our 'annual' appointments for the first time since we got here, and some others I needed. We've all got our annual physicals, are about to have dentists appointments for all, endocrinologist for my diabetes, ENT for H (She may get her tonsils removed), etc. So, yeah, those have kept me very busy and hard to have extra time. Plus, MOPS and Bible study have started back up.

Tomorrow is October in Germany. What does that mean? Octoberfest! What's it mean for us? well, ok, nothing ;-) We actually have a lot of plans, but none actually include a festival full of beer (Not saying we won't be drinking at any festivals though haha). I will be heading to a Catholic women's conference, ALONE, for 4 days. I absolutely cannot wait for some alone time, focusing on God and hearing what He has for me. This is something I have definitely need for oh... 6 years or so?? LONG overdue.

Jon will be going back to the states for several days to be the best man in his best friends' wedding. We're really excited for P and his new bride. I wish I could be there as well. P is one of the ones that introduced my husband and I, so he's very special to us. And, the other incredible part of Oct is my parents are coming!!! I cannot wait. When they come to town, we have plans for Paris and Europa Park, and hopefully several day trips.

Any way, that's a quick update. Life has been flying since we got back from our trip, but overall it's been good. Oh, and please continue to keep our family in your prayers, as we're trying to discern several things in our life right now. Thanks! And God bless all of you! :)

One Year Anniversary

It's hard to believe, but today marks our One Year Anniversary in Germany! The first six months were a struggle, but we have loved the past six months. We are amazed by the friendships God has given us. Friendships that are real, and challenge us, especially in our walk with God. We are still trying to be content in our current house, but are seriously praying about moving off base to a village in January or February. We have two more years here, but are hoping and praying we can extend for another 3 or 4 years. Not much time to blog today, but attached are a few pictures that would have been great to post with yesterday's post.

Zach and Hannah at a restplatz eating PBJs for dinner.

 Abby and daddy eating as well.

 I forgot to mention that we climbed to the top of the tower in the Stephansdom Cathedral. This was one view we had.

 Stephansdom

 In front of Stephansdom

 Inside Stephansdom ...

kids walking with Fr. Nathan

 Kids in the park with Father

 Family photo in the park

 Kids, hubby and Father playing in the park.

 The palace we saw

 Hubby and me, taken by Zach

 Being silly

 Hannah doing a flip in the middle of the street lol

 Abby getting a backride- sorry for the sideways pic.

Zach proud of the fish he helped cook.

 Zach with Brother Stephen, who taught him how to say "rod". :)

Austrian Vacation Part 1

Our big trip finally arrived. We were heading to Austria to visit my husband’s brother, Fr. Nathan. The trip was suppose to begin “early” Saturday morning, but Friday night, we found out Fr. Nathan would need us to pick him up from the train station late Saturday.  This meant that we weren’t suppose to leave until closer to 1pm. This allowed me to spend the morning doing a quick housecleaning, and I was so thankful knowing I was coming home to a clean house!

We picked Fr. Nathan up from the train, arriving just 10 minutes before he got in. This meant we made perfect time! We headed to the house that a lady owns, but allows the Legionaries of Christ to use. It’s a large farm house with it’s own small chapel, and it was beautiful. It was very interesting thinking about how we were sleeping in a house where Jesus was physically present. We got in very late, put the kids to bed, and Jon and I joined Father for a late evening mass.

The house is used as a retreat center for that area of Austria, and had a room with 4 beds that we used, two rooms for priests only, 2 rooms for others to stay in, a youth recreation room, a small conference type room, 2 kitchens, 2 bathrooms, a spare water closet (just the toilet), and a large room with extra mattresses for the youth to sleep on during camps over the summer. They are also doing other large renovations to the house.

The next morning, Sunday, we attended mass again in the chapel with Fr. Nathan, and then headed to Wein (Vienna), which was 2 hours away. In Vienna, we got to see St. Stephen’s Dom (said in German, not like our Steven) and it was beautiful. We also went to a large, nice park where we ate lunch, and then headed to the Legionarie’s house that is in Vienna, where we used the bathroom, enjoyed a nice cup of coffee, and played Hide and Go Seek with the kids for a few minutes. Afterwards, we went to the palace, where there were tons of horse-drawn carriages. The palace was huge and beautiful, and is the spot where Hitler gave a speech when he took over Austria. Then we headed back to “The White House”- the house where we were staying that was white. This is what Hannah called it. When we got home, we made brats and mac’n’cheese for a quick dinner.

One of the other brothers was there, Brother Steven, had (illegally) gone fishing that day and came home to clean and cook the fish. When Zach saw the fish, he got really excited and started following the Brother around and helping him clean the fish. Br. Steven is from Australia, with a great Australian accent. He decided to teach Zach about some things regarding fishing, such as what a rod and reel was. We all got a great laugh when Zach told us what the thing you use to fish with is a ‘rod’ with a very thick Australian accent. We couldn’t stop laughing, and he had no clue why we were laughing at him. It became a laughing point for the rest of the week.

The next day, we had mass at 8am again and set out for Salzburg. First we went to Hohenwerfen Castle, about 30 minutes from Salzburg. We ate lunch, and hiked up to the castle. We got a tour of the whole castle (with English audio guides), and got to watch an incredible falcon show on the castle lawn. Then we went in to Salzburg. Here, we went to Mirabel Gardens, where one of the scenes from The Sound of Music was filmed. We then went to look for some other sound of music scenes, but were in desperate need of dinner.

We were going to eat at a restaurant, but a lot of the places were expensive, or did not look at all child-friendly. I spotted an Imbiss type place (Imbiss is a German word for like a roadside stand) selling grilled cheese (Or “Cheese toast”), and brats and pommes mit ketchup (French fries with ketchup), so we bought food there, and ate on a staircase behind it. It was pretty good. When we were almost done with dinner, Father Nathan decided to do something for the first time ever, something he’d never done before. He caught a flying rat! AKA a pigeon! Gross!!! Then he was forbidden from touching the kids or anything else again until he could find a place to wash his hands.

Then, I needed more Euro, and there was a bank behind the Imbiss. In Europe, many banks have ATMs available inside the bank, but you have to use a debit card, any bank’s, to get in to the building. So, I went in and got some more Euro. We then walked around a bit more of the city. We were not able to go in, because it was so late, but we saw and took pictures of the gate where the VonTrapp’s were hiding in the cemetery of the convent. I hope to go back again one day and see it when it’s open.

I had taken pajamas with us, knowing we would leave Salzburg late, and we changed the kids in the parking garage, gave them a snack, and set out for the hour drive home. During the drive, they all fell asleep and stayed asleep into the house and bed. We were praising God.

Much more to come about the trip, but I don't want to make the posts too long, so I will add more in the coming days. 

Road sign

I found the picture I had been looking for. This is one we took before on a walk near a castle. But these signs are on trails everywhere, at every intersection! It's kind of cool. 

Bike riding in Germany

So, we've really been going on more bike rides lately, and they have been fun experiences!

We recently set out, went along our 'normal' course, and when we got to the flightline on base, my husband said "There's a road that apparently goes all the way around the flightline. I said "Sounds like fun! Let's go!" So, we did. We got to the other side of the flightline, away from the majority of the base. There, we found a "Do not enter" sign, that also included bikers and joggers. We took the other road, where a Military Police officer stopped us and informed us that in just a few feet, we'd be on the flightline. Therefore, we had to turn around and go all the way back. When we got home, my husband charted out our course online, and discovered we'd rode 11.6 miles! It was tough going so far, being a newbie to biking, but I was proud of how I kept pushing and got through.

Two days later, we went on another ride. I suggested we go off base this time. We began, at 7pm, on a long course, no idea where it was leading exactly. Eventually, two hours later, we ended up on a very busy road that led to the opposite gate. (Ie we live by the north gate and ended up at the south gate) When Jon checked out this course, it was 11.7 miles! This one was much more difficult that the flightline, because the flightline road was a road, nice and smooth. This course was old roads that are mostly gravel.

We had fun speculating that these were the roads used prior to the modern highway system. There are tons of gravel roads around the area, and they all have signs at the intersections, saying which way to which village and how far to that village. On the ride off base  I took a picture once of such a sign, but can't find the picture anywhere. :)

In great news though, I have lost 2.5 lbs from riding, wahoo! :) I'm sure the German pancake we just had for a late breakfast didn't help the weight though ;-)

Yesterday, we went back to Lusienpark. We got there about 1pm, knowing there was going to be a hot air balloon festival in the evening. We had a great afternoon, Jon and I split a beer and we enjoyed our favorite currywurst mit pommes frites (curryworst with french friends). The french fries are seasoned and seriously, some of the best fries I've ever had. :) Amazing for 'amusement park' food. We found a spot on the huge open field about 5pm, waiting for the festival. It was my understanding that the balloons would set up at 5:30, and then their would be a hot-air glow at 10:30. I hadn't really planned to stay there that late, but figured we'd play it by ear. The balloons did not set up at 5:30. In fact, we waited until 10pm, when they announced (by the best of Jon's translation abilities) that they would not be taking off because it was too windy. So we left, very bummed we were not able to see them. But at least we had a great day as a family.

Bike Rides and Parties

I need a light-hearted post I have decided, so here we shall talk about bike rides and parties, our normal life stuff. :)

Recently, my husband somehow convinced me that my bike was junkie, and I needed a new one. Low and behold, after I got the new one, my other one WAS junkie in comparison.

My husband rides his bike to work most days. We bought him a cheap, used, $50 bike when we first moved here almost a year ago, because I said before we spent a lot of money on it, he needed to show he was going to actually use it. (This sounds very "mommy" like, but it was agreed by both of us ;-)) So, he has, and he recently convinced me he also needed a new bike. He is 6'3, and a 16" bike is just difficult for him, so he got a new 18" to 21" bike. Today, we went on a bike ride with our new bikes, and the kids. Oh! Now's the perfect time to show you what our family bike ride looks like, minus me. :)

 This picture was last weekend, on his old bike. It's not a great one because Jon was wanting to go and getting frustrated I wanted to take a pic. But, he has Zach on the tagalong behind him, and the girls in the trailer behind that! He's amazing I tell you!!

After our 8 mile bike ride today, we headed to the park for our good friends' 3 year old's birthday party. Hannah was so excited and insisted on carrying her present, and took her "birthday book" with her to read to B. It was a book of prayers, and on one page, there as a cake, and Hannah really wanted to share the book with B.

I love Hannah's heart. She is almost always seeking God in some sweet, child-like way. She is often looking for Jesus in her play, loves to pretend her cups are the Blood and Body of Christ, loves to pretend she's in mass, puts her blanket on her head to be Mary, etc. She will tell us "I did XYZ because that's Love mommy, and Jesus likes it when we love others." I have been trying lately, when she's screaming a bloody fit about something, to think about her sweet, Christ-like moments and ponder them during the rough times.

The other normal thing we did was go to pick flowers the other day. In Germany, there are Blumen fields, and you go pick whatever flowers you want, and they cost €0.60 for each one you pick. So, for €4.20 I got all of these beautiful flowers.

**Disclaimer... they're prettier than they look, I just don't know how to arrange flowers well apparently, and it was 10pm when I took the picture. Oh, and they look like they're dying already, because I've inherited my mother's black thumb. My friend told me today to put sugar in the water, so I did. We'll see how they look in the morning.

This week was busy as well. On Tuesday, Jon had Schola practice, and then a Knights of Columbus meeting. Wednesday was the Feast of the Assumption, so we went to mass at 11:30, and then Jon returned at 7pm for the first Latin Mass at our parish, where he lead the Schola (Latin choir). There was some humor there, because of all days, he woke up with his voice partly missing. Therefore, he wasn't able to do all he was suppose to, but it still ended up okay. Apparently, they had 117 people there, which was more than at the other two masses! Rumor has it Father hopes to make it happen more often. I'm very proud of Jon and do enjoy seeing the enthusiasm he gets from the Latin mass.

Thursday night, my good friend and neighbor and I went out for her birthday. Her husband is deployed, and we've never gone out together, so I decided it was time! Jon was wonderful and watched all 5 kids. I took her to one of my favorite restaurants, an Italian place called Gabriella's. Her reply was "Why have I been putting up with the Macaroni Grill for a year?? This is delicious!" We enjoyed a glass of wine, Spatsele I believe it was, that we both thought was delicious. (I'm not a huge wine fan) I had Tortellini, and her a pasta and shrimp dish. Both were fabulous. Then they gave us a free shot of Apple Schnapps I think she said... Apple something. It was DELICIOUS so my friend asked where we could get it. It was homemade and they didn't sell it. Bummer! Then we decided I needed to show her around some areas off base, as she knows almost nothing of the villages. We ended up at Globus, a German grocery store, at 9:30. She hadn't realized they were opened until 10. There we bought several bottles of different Spatslese wines to try, yet we haven't drank them yet. Another night :)

Tomorrow, I am going to a baby shower for a dear friend here, who many would say is pregnant with a miracle baby. I don't feel comfortable sharing her story without her permission, but many are rejoicing in this little boy she is carrying. I can only stay for an hour, but I'm thankful I get to go. I have to leave early because one of the Legionary of Christ Brothers is coming in to town, for a short stop over at our house for the night. My husband knew him in high school and we got to spend time with him in Rome during Fr. Nathan's ordination. We're very excited about seeing him for a bit and going to mass with him tomorrow evening.

So, there you have it, a bit of the normal "What is going on in our lives."

God bless!

What I'd Do Differently

I have heard it said that the more you fall in love with God, the more you fall in love with your spouse. Recently, I have really found this to be the truth. I have grown so much in Christ over the past year, from being in this incredible, thriving, Catholic community, from going to Rome, and most recently, with the miscarriage. God has greatly used this suffering to draw me closer to Him, and in doing so, I'm finding my love for my husband has greatly increased. This is amazing, and what you need in the midst of suffering.

I have just finished I Will Carry You. It was amazing. Again, I suggest it, really for anyone. It's a quick read. Not necessarily easy emotionally, but quick. And it gives you great perspective for if/when you know someone going through the same.

Following our miscarriage, and this book, I have realized there are some things I would do differently next time. This past pregnancy, I was very quick to start planning for Dec. I was thinking about "What car seat do I need to get since we need a new one...When should I take Abby out of the crib?... Do we need a new one since this one is technically recalled?" I was spending all my time in the future, not thinking and enjoying the present. I'm notoriously guilty of this.

Next time, if we are so blessed, I plan on enjoying the moments as they come. I plan on praying a LOT more for our child. I admit that while I have good intentions, I don't pray for any of our children as much as I would like to/need to. I will pray for the baby much more often. I will not assume I have forever with the child. I will talk to the child a lot in the womb. I remember doing that a lot with our first, but not much with the girls, because I was usually talking to their brother at that time. Next time, I will talk to the baby and have my children talk to the baby a lot.

Yesterday, I realized that right now would be the time we'd be finding out the sex of the baby. That brought a wave of emotions, both good and hard ones. Good because I'm glad God has helped me get through all of this, and He has been my strength and comfort.

Jesus, I Trust in You!

As I said in my last post, I've been reading I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. Her husband is Todd Smith, of Selah, a Christian music group. I was reading part of it recently, and it floored me.

Her whole book is a comparison of her grief with the story of Mary and Martha and Lazarus' death. She brings up the point of when Jesus told Martha to move the stone. She didn't immediately move it, trusting that He would bring Lazarus back to life. Instead, she had fear, and said "But Lord, it will stink." (my paraphrase) Angie Smith goes on to say that God comes and we put our hands on the stone, and either have fear or trust.

In her words:

He asked them, and He asks us, to be a part of the miracle. How do we respond to this? Are we distraught over our perceived fears and disappointments that we are paralyzed, or do we trust Him enough to put our hands on the rock? There is no middle ground. Those are our two options: fear or trust.

I was blown away by this, thinking how it is applying to my life. Then yesterday, I was rereading some of my old posts, and came to this one, where I specifically say

I told him (my husband) I'm greatly struggling with this back and forth of fear and trust, asking him to help me and pray for me. I am realizing that this instance, where I have high fear, is exactly where trusting God becomes most evident, where I must say "Not my fear, but Your will, O Lord."

I love how the Lord works. He's working on my heart to trust and not fear, and then he specifically gives me some scripture through a book to meditate on, to see how it relates to trust in the midst of suffering.

I'm reminded of a family we knew living here, who just moved back to the states. Their sweet daughter, Emma, was diagnosed with cancer, and over and over again, they repeat "Jesus, I trust in you." This is something that many of us have really learned from this couple, that no matter the circumstances, just keep repeating "Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in YOU!"

Losing a child

This week, some very close friends of ours asked for prayers. The husband's sister, 27 weeks pregnant, was being flown to the hospital, where they received some devastating news. The baby is missing a valve in her heart, and the blood isn't going where it's suppose to. Please, please pray for baby L and her mom, J and their family.

Hearing about this woman has brought up so many memories for me. It's brought up our recent miscarriage. It brought up my friend, Jobeth, who miscarried right after me. It brought up the loss of my friend, Ann Marie's precious daughter, Gianna. It brought up my friend Lisa, and her beautiful daughter Lucy. It brought up a friend Sarah, who just found out her baby is not developing correctly and is being referred to a specialist. (Since posting this, Sarah has informed everyone that the baby has fetal acrania. Please keep her family in your prayers as well as they navigate the tough road ahead of them too.) It brought up my friend Marcella who just had a miscarriage last week. It brought up another Sarah who's daughter died in college recently. It brought up many, many, many other women I know who have experienced the loss of a child. It made me pray, and pray and pray for these women, and their families, as I know they are all still grieving in some ways.

I finally grabbed a book I've been meaning to read, especially these past few months. I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. If you have experienced the loss of a child, in any way, an early miscarriage, delivering a child knowing what was coming, a SIDS death, a death of an older child, or even if you've known someone who has or is going through it, I recommend this book. It has rocked me. Completely and utterly rocked my world.

Today, God did something beautiful in my life. The day I started bleeding, I knew a lady in our MOPS group was in labor. I had stopped by her house earlier in the day to pick up some maternity clothes she was getting rid of, and she was telling me she was having some contractions. I got home, and about 2 hours later started bleeding.

That evening, I headed to the ER alone. I probably could have had Jon go with me, but I didn't want to inconvenience anyone. I'd had a miscarriage before, and didn't think it was necessary for him to go with me. My miscarriage has taught me several things, this being one of them, to ask for help! In the end though, being alone at the ER was what I needed, time to gather my thoughts, to pray and to meditate, to listen to what God needed me to hear.

While in the ER, I couldn't help but think of how this woman was in labor, VERY possibly right above me, delivering her baby while I was in the ER, losing mine. I decided to pray for her, for her labor, that it would be a smooth labor, that there would be a healthy baby and mama in the end. In the Catholic world, we call this offering it up, offering up our suffering to pray for those in need. Many women, while in labor, pray for those experiencing infertility for example. I thought, this was a perfect chance to pray for my friend.

That was 10 weeks ago. I had not met the baby yet. Today, I went to a playdate and they were there. I was dying to hold the sweet little guy for just a moment. I eventually finally asked if I could. I held him for a while, then he started getting fussy, and I stood up and started to rock him, watching his eyes get weary. This is one of my favorite things about babies, watching them snuggle in to you, relaxing, feeling safe, and falling asleep, leaving the wonders of the world behind them, just to trust you at that moment. Somehow, holding this sweet baby I'd been praying for when he arrived, helped me in such an amazing way. I somehow managed to hold the tears back.

The mom ended up asking me how I was doing. No one has really asked that as of lately. I greatly appreciated it and it meant a lot. I was able to share with her a bit, and then shared with her how I'd been praying for her during her labor. The most amazing part of all of this is the family is leaving Germany in just a few days. God... mysterious ways, huh?

If you know of a family who has lost a child, please take the time to pray for them, and often. Don't forget their babies. Always remember them. Let them know you're thinking about them and praying for them, even months or years after they've lost their child. Send them a note, email, text, whatever to let them know you're thinking of them and praying for them. And, I'll say it again, pray for them.

Great thought for a suffering parent

I recently read an article in "Faith and Family Magazine" addressing miscarriage. This thought completely changed my mourning time, and gave me a smile, and a hope. A thought that was so profound, I think it's important to share with others. A thought that may even be appropriate to share with a hurting parent. I wouldn't tell it to them in their first week of suffering maybe, but once they've had some time to grieve.

The thought is this. We are called, as parents, to raise children for God. To make saints for Him, to bring our children to God. And while this child of ours, Jacob, did not live on earth, he is indeed in Heaven, being a saint for God. 

We, in conceiving our child, brought glory to God, and allowed our hearts to be open to bring Him glory, through our son, and through our suffering. While it's been hard, and we are by no means perfect and are greatly hurting, the way we responded, sought after God, used our suffering to join our hearts to Christ, has brought others encouragement in their struggles as well.

I recently told my husband that I'm struggling with knowing that whenever we conceive again, I'll be in fear of a miscarriage the whole time. This makes me not want to get pregnant. But at the same time, I know that I have to trust God. I told him I'm greatly struggling with this back and forth of fear and trust, asking him to help me and pray for me. I am realizing that this instance, where I have high fear, is exactly where trusting God becomes most evident, where I must say "Not my fear, but Your will, O Lord."

We went to daily mass today, and what was the Gospel reading about? Pete stepping out on the water. :) What a perfect example for me, for us. I had goosebumps as the Gospel was read, and tears in my eyes. We may be nervous, and heck, our eyes may fall off of God at times, but God is there, protecting our family, our marriage, and our children, both those here, those in Heaven, and those to come. Our God is good, even when we're struggling.

Little bits of information

If you don't have time to read the whole post, I quickly ask for prayers for our VBS that starts tomorrow. We went for setup today, and it appears Satan is trying to make his way in. Please pray for all the volunteers, to be able to handle what comes our way, and for all the kids, that their hears will be open to hear what God needs and wants them to hear. I am leading 1st grade with several other volunteers, which is a relatively easy task, helping to take the first graders to all their classes.

Lots of little bits of other info to post about today. I made homemade strawberry jam for the first time yesterday. OH.MY.WORD. DELICIOUS!!!! Why haven't I ever done this before? I just may start to can things!! I love the idea of knowing what's in it. I just wish that I could grow the stuff I want to can.

In other news, we're not moving in to the previously mentioned house. Things just weren't working out like we'd hoped, and we have decided to at least wait until the new year and reevaluate it then. This will put us in a much better spot financially. (We're THISCLOSE to having our car paid off, leaving just my student loan, which should take less than a year, meaning thisclose to being debt free ;-))

Aside from that, Jon is really working to apply for Officer Training School. This is something we have gone back and forth on throughout our marriage, but until now, the stars haven't aligned completely correctly. However, before he can apply, he has to lose some major weight. He has already lost almost 10 lbs, so he's on the right road.

I'm also trying to lose weight. I REALLY struggle with emotional eating, and between hating it when we first moved here, feeling the winter blues, and the miscarriage, I've gained 15 lbs since moving here. However, unlike Jon, I've dropped 0 lbs so far. Why is it men can drop weight so quickly?? We have started to play tennis every so often though together, which is really fun and gets us working out, together, in a fun way.

We're also working on potty-training Miss Abigayle. She's doing great at holding it, but I can tell she doesn't know how to release it. It became incredibly evident when she just wouldn't go, wouldn't go, wouldn't go. Then she threw a tantrum over something between her and daddy, that she forgot to hold it and wet herself while screaming. We'll take a break during VBS this week and try again next week.

Jon's been very busy with intramural softball. The season is now over, and I'm honestly very glad! He was gone 2-3 nights a week with it, and it will be nice to have my husband home in the evenings again. He also changed jobs some what. He's in the same office, doing the same thing for the most part, but just his position changed. It's complicated to explain, and I probably shouldn't online ;-) But in short, we think it's a good change and will be great for his career.

We're also making major plans for traveling. H and I are going to Europa Park soon. It's to meet some of my friends and Jon wasn't that interested in going, so I said I'd go alone, and decided to take her with me to spend some time together. Then we'll be going to Austria for about a week, where Jon's brother, Father Nathan will be. We're excited to see him again, and see some places in Salzburg and Vienna. In October, my parents are coming. I'm very excited to see them, and we're making plans for Paris, including the Eiffel Tower and Disneyland. It's nice to finally be making some travel plans, now that Jon can get off work a bit.

Wednesday will be two months since the miscarriage. It's hard to believe it's already been two months. I've been dealing with some anger issues regarding it, but I think the Lord has been helping me through this. I haven't turned to Him as much as I should, but I can tell He's still been there and is still helping me. I'm sure the prayers of others have played a huge part as well.

Some have asked if we'll try again soon. We're leaving that up to God, knowing He is in control of my heart, but hoping to avoid a pregnancy for now. I need some time still, but not sure how much time I will need all together. Thankfully we are able to pray about it every month, and see where we are and reevaluate our desires and go from there. Life has gotten so busy, and the baby fever I had like crazy is not there right now. I enjoy holding my friends' babies and putting them to sleep in my arms, but it's not like i have the "Oh, I want one!" feeling like I did 4 months ago. Amazing how our hearts can change, and it's completely okay.  I get times where I think "Oh, I want another one." but as I think more, I know that right now is not the right time. Besides, I'd really like to drop the weight I've put on since getting here before getting pregnant again. I've struggled losing weight a lot, so we'll see how that goes....

As everyone knows, the Olympics are on. Unfortunately, we get US channels (normally whatever you're watching on Monday night, we get to watch on Tuesday night, after it's aired.) I think we're getting it the same time the US is, but that means that what you get in the evening, we get while we're asleep. So I'm missing all the great ones, like swimming and gymnastics! And my mom suggested NBC.com, but unfortunately, since we have a German IP address, we're considered international and cannot watch the shows on NBC's website. So, it seems I'm missing a lot of the Olympics this year :( I'm bummed as I really like the summer Olympics. I think Jon's happy though, as he couldn't care less. We grew up watching them and he did not. I want H to see the gymnastics though. I watched them at 9pm and thought "I can see H watching this, then mimicking it and dancing around like them" heehee.

With all of this going on, I need to head to bed. I must actually get up at 7am and get the kids up then as well, so we can leave by 8am all week. We're not use to that in the least (the earliest we ever have to be anywhere is 9:30 ;-)) Again, please keep VBS in your prayers if you will. Thank you, good night, and God bless!