Kid funnies

With one child just 4 months shy of being four, and one child just over two and a half, i hear some pretty funny things. If you follow me on Facebook, you may have read some. And I have to warn you that some of them may be slightly TMI, but out of the mouths of babes makes everything funny.

Hannah brought me some (pretend) breakfast. "Here's your breakfast mommy! Abby chewed it up for you" Oh... nice

I was using the bathroom at home and my son hands me the box of tampons and says “Here mommy, these are for your poop.”

Zach-Mom! I almost fell in the toilet! That would be bad... because then we can't have another kid.
Me- WHAT?? Why?
Zach- because you'd flush me down the toilet! ( In other words, we'd be MINUS one kid. Him falling in has nothing to do if we can have ANOTHER one. I was trying to understand how he knew about more kids)

Hannah was wailing. I went in and she's holding herself down there. I asked what was wrong and she said she hurt her butt. I asked her how and she said "I bounced" I had to stifle a laugh as I wondered how she ‘bounced’.
I said “You bounced?”
Yes, i bounced.
Come to find out, she JUMPED/Bounced off her bed and hurt herself.

My son had had a sore penis recently. A few nights later, my 2.5yo daughter is in the bathtub grabbing herself and in a pretend whine, saying “My pinky hurts mommy”.

Me: DO you have to go potty?
son- no
M- then stop playing with yourself
son- no, I'm trying to get my candy! It's in my pocket.
Sure enough, he had an unwrapped tootsie roll in his pants, right next to his boy parts!

We were praying the Our Father and Zach was saying it with me. We say "And lead us not into temptation" and he stops me to say "Mommy, I don’t know what that is."
I ask “What? Temptation?”
Him- Yes...
"Well, it's when someone tries to get you to do something you shouldn't, like when Hannah tries to get you out of bed."
son-but why?
Because they're trying to get you in trouble"
his reply? “Ok.” And we finished prayers.

Very similar to the fact that now at meal prayers, I get requests for which prayers we’ll say. If it’s Our Father, or God Our Father or Now I lay Me Down to sleep or just “Thank you Jesus for this food.”

You can learn a lot about your parenting skills and those around you by listening to your children. Hannah likes to tell her brother and her bear “I’m going to spank your hiney, you hear me? Stop talking. Sit still. I’m going to put you in the corner if you don’t behave bear. No you can't watch TV” (I tried to figure out where hiney comes from then discovered my dad says it) She definitely feels like she's in charge. I'm nervous about what will happen as Abby gets older

I know there have been more stories and humor in my life lately, but right now, these are the ones I'm still laughing about.