Willing to Sacrifice

We've all been there. Those days where you go to Church, and you were MEANT to be there. The Lord completely talks to YOU. The priest may as well have said your name while he was giving the homily. And your children are even quiet so you can hear it! Today was one of those days...

Well, let me rewind. It really started yesterday. I was frustrated with a few things at home, and decided I was going to go take a shower. By some absolute miracle, I got a shower with no interruptions, and took the time to pray and pour out my heart on a few issues. Things that were happening in our lives that I was feeling excitement, but also bitter and jealousy over. Things where my husband was wanting to do things, big goals really, and I felt like saying "But what about me!?!" I was having a pity party because he has goals, he's making himself better, he's doing things for God. And me? Well, I was bummed that "my" dreams and goals consist of staying home and teaching our kids for the next 17 years or more and 'just' being involved in our women's ministry. (I put "my" because well, I'm not sure that it's my goals and dreams, but I know it's what we want for our kids and what God has called me to do.)

Anyway, I was praying in the shower, and trying REALLY hard to not do all the talking, and instead trying to let God talk to me. I eventually heard Him say to stop holding my husband back, that I was truly being selfish about this. That marriage isn't about ME. And same thing with my kids and homeschooling. I got out of the shower with a different look, and two things I knew I was going to change. I told God that I hated not having a goal, and He whispered a goal I can have. One that I want, but don't want. You know, a goal where I want the end result, but not the work that goes with it. So, I"m still praying about my attitude on that.

So back to today's Homily for ME. It was on John 12:20-33. It was regarding the piece of wheat that falls to the ground, and if it dies, it produces much fruit. But if it doesn't die, it remains just a piece of wheat.

Our priest kept asking "Are you willing to sacrifice to let someone else live?" He said it over and over. And it was like God asking me "Aimee, are you willing to sacrifice to let others be what I need them to be?" To be the small thing that supports the big things. Am I willing to stop saying "What about me?" so that my husband can do the things God needs him to do? Am I willing to knock out the "What about me?" so that my children can grow up with the best education possible for them, learning more and more how to love and serve God and others? Am I willing to sacrifice myself for their lives, for their lives to be lived to the fullest for God? Am I willing to sacrifice to make them Saints?

Then I thought but that's so hard! I'm not sure I can do that. And God reminded me "Aimee, you've already been doing it. You've already sacrificed 8 years of a career for your children and for following your husband through military moves... You've already gone through surgery four times for your children. You're a mother and a wife. You sacrifice every day, and it's what you're called to do. You've been doing it all along with my help, and I will be here to help you through all these other sacrifices."

Well, I can't really argue with that, can I? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)..Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends (John 15:13)....Lord, please remind me of these verses when Satan or society tries to whisper to me and asks me "What about you?".