Spiritual Tug-of-War

I am currently reading three fabulous books. First, I am reading 33 Days to Merciful Love: A Do-it-Yourself Retreat. This is just about a 3-5 minute read each day, and it's truly blown me away with how wonderful it is.  The day I started it, it was exactly what I needed that day.

The second is "Mom Enough: The Fearless Mother's Heart and Hope"  It talks about the many fears we as mothers often have. Am I doing enough? Will I ever have a career again? Have I lost myself in this 'job' of motherhood? It's really what I've been needing as well.

And the final one is "On the Other Side of Fear: How I Found Peace". This one is about dealing with fears and anxieties, the unknown. I saw this one advertised on FB, and with the fear I've had over this move, I decided to look in to it.

The three books have intersected so perfectly. Most recently, "On the Other Side of Fear" suggested talking your fears and anxieties out, working them to their logical conclusion and figuring out what is the worst that could happen. So, for example, if we don't get orders this week, what then? If we don't get them until the week we're suppose to leave, what then? What if we don't get movers by the time we gave our landlord notice? Then we'll have to talk to her. I don't want to, but it's possible. What if we close on the house and then don't move to ID? Then we'll rent it out. When my husband and I sat down and talked all of my fears out to the possible ends, it really helped.

I was thinking about this constant struggle I feel, this tug-of-war if you will. One day, I feel like the Lord is in control. The entire move is in His hands, and it will all work out. I have a "Thy Will" approach instead of "My Will". I remember His command "Be still and know that I am God." and I am at peace.

But then, the fear creeps in. I start worrying about the stress of every thing last minute. I start fretting about getting orders and movers. I start getting worried about purchasing the house, the church in town, homeschooling, etc. All of these fears then begin to consume me. I feel like the old cartoon with the angel and the devil on each shoulder.

I loved this quote "...darkness and light cannot coexist." The same is true for love and fear. The author went on to say she prayed for peace, for the ability to surrender, and that amidst her fears, that she'd be able to trust God and His plan for her life. This is my prayer as well.

With this constant struggle, often tug-of-war relationship between love of God and anxiety and fear, I was feeling discouraged. And then, I read the beautiful wisdom of St. Therese in "33 Days to Merciful Love", as she's talking about a stairway to holiness. Imagine a young child is trying to climb this stairway with huge steps.

"Now, the child, who is all of us little souls, cannot even climb the first step of that big staircase -- we're too little. But Therese tells us to try. She says 'Raise your little foot to scale the stairway of holiness.' Of course, we won't be successful, but Therese then adds 'God requires you only to demonstrate your good will.' In other words, we just need to give it a try. And as we do, Therese tells us that God will be 'conquered by [our] futile efforts' and will then descend the stairway, gather us into his arms, and take us to the heights. So, Therese's point seems to be that our efforts in the spiritual life are absolutely necessary but also absolutely useless....The Lord doesn't demand that we attain all virtues (success) but that we simply keep trying (faithfulness)." (day 11)

God understand that I am trying to have peace, I am trying to leave it in His hands, give it to Him, not have worry and anxiety.

"In sum, then, the Little Way is often a little way of darkess. It's about accepting that we are to put up with ourselves -- with all the darkness of our weakness, brokenness and sin -- without getting discouraged. It's recognizing, without giving up, that some struggles are chronic. It's realizing, without despairing, that they may be with us till our dying day. But, it's also about realizing that this does not prevent us from becoming saints." (day 11, 33 Days to Merciful Love) 

With all of this said, we still don't have orders. My husband got an email on Thursday saying "We're working on your orders." (I can't even begin to explain my response to that haha!) Yesterday was a family day and the whole base was basically closed. We're going to stop by the office this afternoon and see if they arrived. We also got paperwork to close on our house. We've got to get a notary, so hopefully Monday we'll be able to do that and get those papers sent back and close on our first home! More on that later.

"God does not call us to be successful but to be faithful." ~Blessed Mother Theresa

Trusting God in the midst of a move

We are 39 days out of having to be out of Germany, and still do not have orders. Until we have orders, we can not schedule movers, schedule plane tickets, schedule hotels, etc. We're basically sitting and twiddling our thumbs. Our house is in shambles, everything piled in different corners of the den to be boxed up by men we don't know. Every other move we've done- four other moves- we have moved on our own. All of the stuff sitting in my den would already be boxed up, waiting for us to pick up the Uhaul and load it. But, it's not possible when moving back to the states. (When we moved here, we had everything in storage and the movers just picked it up and put it on the truck.)

Anyone who knows me know that this move has been a struggle for me. I know all the comments by memory. "You're going to love ID. It's in God's hands. Jesus, I trust in you. Give it to our Mother Mary." And while I know all of this, and know that I need trust God, at times, it's hard. My faith has been very lacking, and the past month has been very rough and dark for me. My heart says trust God, while my mind does what it wants, gets stressed, freaks out, plays all the 'what if' scenarios, gets anxious, and just stops trusting God, even saying I don't believe it's in His hands any more.

I realized something had to give. I realized I needed a Sacrament, the Sacrament of Confession. (I know many of my friends will not understand this Sacrament, and I really struggled with it before converting to the Catholic faith, but now, I realize it has so many benefits and is incredibly scriptural. This article explains it really well if you are interested in understanding our beliefs better.)    I finally went this weekend, and what a difference it made. It had been too long, and I think that I had not realized the impact of the darkness of sin on my life.

Aside from that, I had a friend encourage several of us to do "33 Days to Merciful Love"- a do-it-yourself retreat. It wasn't suppose to begin until Aug 27, but I just had to begin. I knew I was thirsty for something. I have done about a week, and am completely blown away. The whole first week was on trusting God. Yesterday's meditation talked about how Eve brought original sin into the world, and through her, we lost our trust in God. And that the New Eve- Mary- came to restore that doubt. We sometimes run from God because of our lack of trust, so He uses Mary to bring us back to Him. That she helps provide the grace to come back to Him.

At this time, I am at a place of peace. I'm trying not to worry, and just leaving it in the Lord's hands. It will all work out, just not the way I'd prefer. It will be stressful. But, it will work out.

Moving update

Everyone's asking, so here's the short end of where we are regarding moving. We don't know when we're leaving Germany, other than "By Sept 30". We still don't have orders (official military paperwork that says "You're moving to ID" and allows us to do things), so we can't plan movers, hotels, rentals, car shipment, cancel contracts, anything. We know they will not come until after Aug 12 at the earliest. However, we have to give 30 day notice to our landlord, so we're trying to figure out what to tell her and give her notice today.

The house we first put a contract in on came back with a bad inspection and we walked away. It was for the good. Now we have put a contract in on another house. A 1950's house that has been completely flipped- brand new kitchen, beautifully restained hardwood floors, plenty of room, nice backyard, and room to do some renovations for our own enjoyment, We are suppose to close at the end of the month, so we're praying that our orders do arrive before then. If you're the praying type, that's what our specific prayer request is at the moment.

Other than that, we're keeping busy plucking away at trying to get our house ready for movers. I've realized I definitely prefer DITY (Do it yourself) moves.I can pack all my books and pictures and make headway. With a moving company, I can't pack anything or else they are not responsible for it. So instead, I'm just making huge piles in my living room of stuff that is ready to be packed. This will actually be our first ever more where they come in and pack up all of our stuff. When we moved to Germany, we had everything in storage for a year. And amazingly, the only things that were broken upon arrival were the microwave glass and a bookshelf, so we packed well ;-) Here's hoping these movers do as well! I definitely prefer moving ourselves, and doubt we'll do another military move again unless we end up overseas again.

This week has been Totus Tuus, which is basically like VBS or Church camp if you aren't familiar with it. We've been hosting one of the team members and really enjoyed getting to know him. It's consisted of lots of driving getting him and the kids back and forth, but the kids are having an absolute blast and are so sad to know today is the last day.

I'm some how sort of keeping my head on straight, but I definitely don't do well with this kind of stress and anxiety. I'm totally accepting prayers said on our behalf that we get orders by the 15th, and that we can just stay on top of everything we need to- is there a Saint for that?? Maybe Mary or St. Anne huh? Here's to a military move!

Idaho

Well, the last post I did was a huge complaint about Idaho. We prayed we would be denied because of medical, but unfortunately, that did not happen. So we have come to terms with it. I'm slowly finding some excitement, but whenever anyone asks where we're going, I cannot happily say Idaho, and my disappointment shows through. And it doesn't happen that people are like "Oh..." and you read their face, as their brain tries to find a map and figure out/remember where Idaho is from 5th gr geography. "There's a base in Idaho??" they all ask.

We have settled on buying a home, so we are going through the process of looking at homes with a realtor via skype. FYI-This is a bad idea if you get motion sickness from video games, because it's pretty much the same. With that said, the options are very limiting. We found 15 houses that meet are minimum criteria. 9 of which are modern cookie cutter homes that look completely alike, and we can guess what they look like before we even click on them. That's not us. Of the other 6, one is pending and one never got back to our realtor, so we looked at the other 4. Two were absolutely not. One had a detached garage, with laundry out there and the 4th bedroom out there. The other had 2 kitchens, and the main one was small, the other we'd probably want to tear out, but it just wasn't us.

Of the other two, we can't decide. One was built in 1930's and has beautiful curb appeal and lots of cute character, 2 car garage, plus a shop. It's got 2 attic bedrooms, plus a basement. However it's on the major road in the city and only had one toilet. (As major as you can get in a town of 14,000) The other has awful curb appeal and no garage, but the inside is pretty good. There's a foyer, living room and den, but the kitchen is very small. Neither are perfect, and need some work, which we're truthfully looking forward to. We're trying to be humble in our decisions, and realize what do we truly really NEED and what has good resell ability, but when you're buying, that's sort of hard.  We're praying for discernment, so please join us in prayer.

This is the one with beautiful curb appeal.

The thought and prospect of buying has us excited and is keeping us busy. Also, we realized movers could come in about 45 days, so we've been super busy cleaning out, selling stuff, getting rid of stuff, etc. I think just the keeping moving and rolling along has helped keep us away from the negative thoughts about ID. It's when I have time to sit and think about the negative that I get depressed about it. I won't say we're going to love it (As sooooo many people seem to think I will), but we'll make the best of it and love being together as a family.

Denial and little acceptance

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt, that's for sure. This whole week has been a week of denial for me, and a week of trying to find acceptance, trying to find the belief that Jesus, I trust in you. And trying to put aside my selfishness.

On Monday, while sitting in the Atlanta airport, I called my husband for the first time in a week. I had been in Washington DC attending a Catholic military conference for women. We chatted, I made sure he remembered the housekeeper was coming in the morning, and I said "Oh, by the way, I can't wait to tell you my exciting news. During the discernment process at conference, I was discerned back in to the finance manager position and accepted. I'm really excited about how God will use me in this organization." Instead of electing or voting people in to leadership rolls, we go through a process where we meet together and let the Holy Spirit guide us to who He wants where and where they can best be served. It's a beautiful way of finding leadership, and very humbling and honoring.

So how does my husband respond? "Oh! That's great. Congrats. Well then, I have something to tell you too. We got our notice of assignment. We're going to Idaho." .... dead silence. I was speechless as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I had known that we had 1 spot in NJ and 3 spots in Idaho available, and I had prayed and prayed for NJ and asked everyone else to do the same. I really and truly thought we'd get NJ. NOT Idaho.

The town in Idaho is a super small town. Population 14,000. Now, I'll be honest, I grew up in a town of 13,000. But, everything I possibly needed was within 30 minutes still. Except my church. That was an hour away, and I hated that drive. I was never really a fan of the small town feel. When I moved to the city for college, and even further when I lived in Chicago for 3 months, I was so happy! I loved it! I clearly wasn't a small town girl. When we were first married, we lived in a town with population 40,000 and I really struggled there. In other words, population 14,000 sounds horrible. The town has an albertsons and Walmart. ::chirp chirp:: yeah. That's it. Everything else is an hour away to the big city. AN HOUR AWAY.... I know people from the west think that's nothing, but for ME, that's forever.

I had these big, grand dreams that we'd move back to the states and have easy access to Target and Cosco, that I'd finally get a Kohls card, and that we'd eat Chic Fila every other week and be a part of a Catholic co-op for homeschooling. I would be able to live a more civilian lifestyle where everything we did was not 100% with other military people, as it has been living here. And now, those dreams are shattered. In the words of my husband "I think this is going to be a humbling assignment."

Church...Aside from the base chapel, which I can find zero information about, other than someone telling me they had about 12 people including babies, there is one church in town. It's small. Someone told me "it's mostly older people, but they're really great if you let them get to know you." Uhh... Church has always been my source for friendships. I grew up in a church that sat 10,000 people. (Yes, it was a mega church!)... But that means almost the entire population of the city we're moving to could fit in my hometown church! I am not a small town girl. I don't do things small. I'm a go-big or go-home type girl. And I'm going to have to attend a small church. This breaks my heart and I'm really struggling with it.

There was a notice that if you're interested in connecting with other Catholic homeschoolers, contact the email. I did. There is no Catholic homeschool group. She and another lady tried to start something up, but nothing came of it, and that lady's son has graduated. She is however part of a Christian group. Which is fine, It just makes me nervous after meeting so many Christians that try to get Catholics 'saved'. I'll probably get involved there, but I'll miss celebrating the Feast Days with my Catholic friends and the times we enjoy after every Friday Mass together. And having so many Catholic girlfriends to talk about the struggles of NFP, kids pulling your veil off, other with lots of kids, which Mass are you attending on the Holy Day, etc. There's also no Catholic Women of the Chapel or Military Council of Catholic Women.  And no, I'm not in a place to start one up.

Then housing... We are given a VERY small basic housing allowance while stationed there. So small, that Militarybyowner.com had none in our price range. A few other websites have one or two that are apartments, or else 2 bedrooms, or around 1200 sq ft. Since we homeschool, 1200 sq ft would be VERY difficult. We felt cramped in our on-base apartment, which was bigger than 1200 sq ft. So then we're left considering buying, which is difficult in the time of year we're moving and nerve-wracking knowing we might be leaving in 3 years. Or we're left with choosing base housing. Please Lord, don't send us there! Been there, done that, NOT something we want to do again.

Then medical. With my high-risk pregnancies, I'd have to drive an hour to the city for OB care if we get pregnant again. Plus I'll have to drive that far for my diabetes care. Have I ever mentioned I hate driving? And I just don't feel comfortable having to drive that far alone while very pregnant.

Deployments. My husband will be gone for 6 months, get home, then a year later deploy for another 6 months, home for a year, then another 6 months the entire time we're there. He's done 6 deployments in his 14 year career already. He'll be up to 8 at least by the time we leave.

I've tried to find the positive. I've asked what people love about it. There's never traffic. Ok, that barely bothers me, and CO barely ever had traffic. So, not enough for me. It's quiet. Well, unless you live on base, then you hear the planes. Yeah, no to both of those. On base, you know all your neighbors. Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I like knowing one or two, but I don't want to know everyone. The military is so small and gossipy. I really don't want to do that any more. I like having a full 6 degrees of separation, not just 3. It's beautiful and there's so many nature things to visit 'close by'. I couldn't care less about nature and science. Like, I abhor science. In other words, I seriously can't find anything positive. I was finally looking forward to leaving Germany, and now I'll be leaving kicking and screaming and crying.

So all of this said, I'm really struggling. Yesterday I was at a point where I thought Mary rode on a donkey pregnant to a town she did not want to go to... Then they had to flee to Egypt and I'm sure they didn't want to go to Egypt. And Jesus had to go in to Jerusalem and I'm sure He didn't want to go, knowing what was waiting for him. So I can do this. Then today, while sitting at our rather large parish, I thought about the small church and just lost it.

There's still a very small chance that it could change due to my diabetes, but it's pretty doubtful. The hour drive seems to be no big deal to most people. So we wait, and try to rush the medical stuff as fast as possible and see what they say.

The whole point of this post is really just a way for me to vent and get it all out at once. Please don't try to offer words of encouragement about how you're sure i'll come to love it, you've heard people love it, it's really not that bad driving an hour, or that sort of thing, because there aren't many things that can change my feelings and attitude. I wish I could just 'let it go' and leave it to God. But I'm really struggling with that right now. The unknown causes me so much anxiety, and this seems to be the worst ever for me. I think I was less nervous about Germany than I am about middle-of-no-where Idaho. Prayers are welcome though as I try to deal with my fears and knowing it's the complete opposite of everything I imagined.

The Sad Time of Year

The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? Being in the military has it's ups and downs. We're in our 30s and have never bought a house. But we're traveling Europe! Goods and bads. Right now, it's one of the downs. One of the worst things to happen when in the military is deployment. We all hate it, but all know it has to happen.

The second worst thing in the military? PCS season-summer. PCS means Permanent Change of Station. In other words, people are moving, as often happens in the military. This is very good at times, and very hard as well. People come and people go. Where we are, because it's such a transient community, all our friends are military. When I lived in CO, most of my friends were non-military and are still living in CO. It's very different here. Every summer since getting here, we have had friends move. Last summer, I had my first close friend move back to the states. That was hard, but I still had my other close friends.

This week, one of my two closest friends, my wonderful neighbor, got her house packed up. Movers were in and out of her house all day, and we just sat next door watching. I walked in to her house last night and the empty rooms and cheap military furniture on loan, made it all sink in. She's about to leave. In a few weeks, they will be moving on to a new place, a new house, new school, new friends, new everything. This time is so exciting for them. They are sad of course, but excited about what the future holds.

In a very few short months, our absolutely dearest friends will be leaving. We are so close to this family. My husband is good friends with their husband. The wife and I are best friends. We've even had people confuse us many times or call us twins because we look very similar. And our kids, our kids all love each other. They are definitely our "Germany family". We've watched their kids many times, and they've watched ours more times than we can count. Almost weekly dinners together is common. Park dates or afternoon playdates are usually a weekly thing as well. We both homeschool and have very similar parenting styles. They are the one family where I feel absolutely 100% comfortable. I don't have to guard myself, guard my children. My kids can be kids, and I can be me. I can say what I think without worrying about hurting or offending them or getting in a disagreement and vice versa. I never walk away replaying a conversation and wondering if I said it wrong. They get us and we get them. And yet, like my neighbor, they are about to get their house packed up and move on to bigger and new and exciting things.

I am so happy and excited for both of these families. But, at the same time, I'm so incredibly sad. It's been said before, and now I get it. PCS is harder on those left behind than those who leave. And I'm really feeling it. I know that I need to keep a box of tissues on hand for the next several months, as I'll probably tear up at very unexpected times.

We went to my husband's work picnic today, and before, we use to know so many people and really enjoy it. This time, I didn't know a soul, until the end when the husband mentioned above came out and we talked for a few. My husband said he barely knew anyone there anymore either, as he'd been gone for a long time deployed, and major turnover had happened. It felt very weird. And for a moment, I wondered if this is what the next year would look like. Even at church, I'm looking around and realizing I'm knowing less and less people. I'm not sure if this is because I haven't made many new friends in the last year (I was really in survival mode, not make friends mode this year with my husband gone), or it's just a sign of the major turnover. Which brings a whole new struggle. Do we as a family "date" new families, to grow close to them for one year? Or maybe longer, since we're not sure how much longer we're here? Or do we just stay content where we're at?

I thought that maybe I'd find some spiritual wisdom while typing this, but none came. While I'm sad and I tear up almost every time I think about it, I know this. No matter what the future holds for my dear friends leaving, or what the future holds for us, I am so thankful for these ladies (and their dear families) being in my life and that I am a better person (and decorator lol!) thanks to them. They have fed me, served me, listened to me, hugged me, watched kids for me, prayed for me, encouraged me, walked with me, and most of all, loved me and my family. For this, I'm eternally grateful to call them my dear friends and sad to see them move on.

Today, I miss America

Today... I miss America. I miss drive thru ATMs. We have ONE drive thru ATM here, and I have YET to go to it and have it work. I went to that one today, didn't work. I went to two walk up ATMs, one didn't work, and one was out of USD (but had Euros... not what I needed!) I finally gave up and went to the dreaded Base exchange and bought some gift ribbon, the only thing I could think of needing, to get cash back. I hate that any time I need money, I need to drag all three children out of the car to go inside when it's 35 degrees Fahrenheit out!

I miss America, because some places understand that when we go to fill out forms, our "state" is Armed Forces Europe. Other places don't. So, in order to attend a luncheon in Rome, I had to be able to pay in Italian or German, or call an Italian phone number (international fees) and talk to someone who may or may not speak English... or do a wire transfer for $35. I ended up calling my mom and saying "Can I transfer you money and you sign us up with your bank account?" Because THAT was the 'easiest' option. That's after I had to send her shopping for my 15mo who needs 24mo clothes and has none because her sister was in 24 mo in the summer, and it costs SO MUCH to go shopping here and it's not like you can just run to walmart or target and see what's on clearance.

I miss knowing where I'm going, and understanding where I'm going and the road signs. Today, my GPS took me on a 23 min drive, that I figured out I could get home much fast, and made it home in less than 15 minutes on the way back, all because I had no clue where this specific village was.

I simply miss American things. Maybe we're spoiled. Maybe I hate change. Maybe I hate the unknown, but dang, today, i'm emotional and miss America.

The Ugly Truth

So, if this is about our adventures, I must be honest and open about our adventures. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, today is pretty nasty and gloomy, including a constant mist of rain, that the kids and I walked through because we HAD to go to the grocery store, and we have no vehicle, still.

So, we moved in to our apartment on Wednesday last week. In all honesty, for the most part, when you walk through our door, I love our place. It's the perfect size so it's not too much to keep up with. It's big enough for our stuff, but not too cramped. I don't care for our outdated stove/oven, or the radiator heaters, but I'm sure I'll get use to those. There are things that are different, like they don't have door knobs (there you go Deacon Nathan ;-)). Instead, they have door handles, like this. Everywhere has them, which is quite different than the states. And, none of the bedroom doors have locks. I'm not sure yet if that's good or bad. And there is tons of storage through closets, which I think i'm going to love.

After we moved in, we learned that we have a storage room in the basement. YAY! This put all of my worries to rest, because I wondered where we'd store our Christmas decorations, winter clothes, etc. There is also a community room in the basement, where we can have parties, garage sales, etc. However, this is where our woes come in. We learned that this building was scheduled for demolition and to build townhomes here. But, because of budget cuts, they renovated them and reopened them. No one has lived here since 2005 it seems. But, they didn't FINISH renovating before moving us in.

The community room is disgusting. It has a small 'storage' room off the side that is COVERED in mold. Right below our master bathroom. The bathrooms down there are down right gross. So much so that'd I'd go to the bathroom outside before using it. And there is graffiti all over the doors. In fact, I think I may just share a few pictures we took as proof.

The mold room

The floor in the mold room

One of the rooms downstairs that includes heating, storage, bike room, etc.

Everyone in our unit has raised complaints to housing, and gone to commanders. We are now being told that it will be cleaned up and taken care of by the end of the month. Prayers are appreciated that it is and we can begin to relax and enjoy our new place without feeling so disgusting.

Aside from that, we have found out our van will be here tomorrow. YAY! I could not be any happier. I am not one who likes to stay at home, and have felt so trapped without a vehicle! We also found out that our household goods are here. We don't know how long they have been here, because the movers in CO messed up and mixed up my husband's first and last name, so the people here were incredibly confused for some reason. So, that is all being delivered on Tuesday.

In other news, we have a home phone for the first time in our married lives. Which would be great, if it worked. It stopped working last night, and people say that the internet/phone company on base is horrible and this happens all the time. They also said they often send you your bill late, then try to charge you a late fee. HAHA! I dare them! I will be in their office so fast. ::Ahh....:: These are the type of things I'm NOT looking forward to. At least we'll be able to site-see a lot and explore very soon.

Roads of Germany

I never thought I'd be in my late-twenties, having to take a driver's test again. Yet, this morning, I found myself doing just that. Basically we have to get a military driver's license that allows us to drive here in Germany. The test was 100 questions long. My husband got his license about two weeks ago, but I kept procrastinating because I get horrible test anxiety, yet I'm usually one of the first done. My husband told me what building it was in, and I allowed myself 30 minutes to walk there. It was suppose to begin at 7:45, so I figured I'd be done by 8:30.

I arrive, and find out that I'm in the wrong building. So with 5 minutes to spare, I made a dash for three buildings away and a flight of stairs. Didn't help my anxiety one bit. Only to find out check-in is at 7:45 and the doors shut at 8. Only, they don't begin the test then. They begin a 35 minute video that basically goes over all the questions I studied. Again, having to wait another 35 minutes did not help my anxiety. Everyone said all the questions for the exam are in the back of the book, so I barely paid attention to the video. (Seriously, a video about driving at 8am? How is one suppose to stay awake??)

Test gets passed out and I begin, feeling pretty confident because I knew all the questions in the book. However, there were some other questions in it! Ones like the punishment of driving with a .86 blood alcohol level. That was gone over in the video, but I didn't catch the punishment because well, I won't ever be in that position. So I was really beginning to freak out as I made several guesses on these types of questions.

Then I stood to go turn my test in and realized, I was the first done. Ugh, I hate that feeling. But I have learned that when I go back and 'check' my answers I tend to not know what my first instinct was and change answers, resulting in more wrong answers. I turned it in and she began to grade it. I noticed I had many wrong and got scared. You must get at least an 85% to pass. I got... an 85%. I said I'll take it, and went to get my license and pay the small fee. No one else walked out before I left. The best part... (small brag because I NEVER do better), it took my husband twice to pass heehee. That did give me a small boost in confidence, even if it was an 85.

So I returned home, very late, making my husband late for work, and begged him to let me rent the car for just one more day, and set out with all three kids driving. Now, keep in mind, we have been in Germany 22 days and I have not driven that entire time. Also, since my husband came home, he drove almost everywhere. So, it's been about two months since I've driven. I will be honest, I was a wee-bit nervous. But it was fine. I even took the many roundabouts with complete ease.

I will say driving in Germany is a bit overwhelming. There are a LOT of signs (I think 168!), and I would not feel comfortable driving here without having studied for the test. Also, did you know the "autobahn" that everyone thinks is so awesome and has no speedlimit is not just one road? Autobahn means freeway. It's just like our highway system in the US. And it does have speedlimits. There are times when there is no posted speedlimit, but at those times, it is recommended to not exceed 130 kilometers (80 miles) and if you get in an accident when doing more, you could be charged, even if it wasn't your fault.

We first went the the base exchange. I'll be honest, not a huge fan of that place. Civilians think it's awesome, but they don't know the truth. Yes, there's no tax, but the government thinks we need the most expensive brands of everything- Nike, Addias, Coach, Vera Bradley, etc. It's EXPENSIVE! And there are vendors from around Germany, but they completely jack up the prices when selling in the BX. You can get a bottle of wine from a vendor there for $14... off base? $3. And the "less expensive" clothes they have are horrible quality.

Which is why we were stopping by there. I bought Abigayle two outfits the second day here, so 20 days ago. They have been washed AT MOST, three times and are very faded and shrunk so much she can't wear them anymore. So, I took them back. The lady at customer service wasn't happy that I didn't have tags or receipt, but I still got most of my money back. (One was on clearance already and since I didn't have a receipt, they couldn't give me the full amount, but $18 instead of $24 is still better than nothing. And yes, I paid $24 for an outfit for Abby because her winter stuff hadn't arrived at the PO yet! That's how expensive it is!)

Then I'd been really wanting to check out a store called "Toom" off base, so the kids and I did. Picture Ace Hardware tries to go Home Depot. Not as big as Home Depot, but a lot of the same stuff, just less selection. I was looking for crafting purposes, and I think they will meet my needs in the future :) There are a few other gardenmarkts that I want to check out as well.

Then we went next door to a place called "Kauflands". I had no clue what it was, so went in hehee. It's basically like a small walmart maybe? Groceries and household goods, mixed together. We bought some grapes, a calculator (I need one so bad without a cell phone and trying to convert Euro to dollars all the time!!), and two Kauflands frozen pizzas for lunch. I wanted to explore more, but I had children complaining they were soooo sleepy and hungry. So, we came home. Abby fell asleep on the way home and did not wake up. The other two didn't want pizza, but wanted PBJ and PB and bananas for lunch. Then they went to bed, and were asleep within 10 minutes of going to sleep.

So I'm taking this quiet time to eat my pizza and I have a small craft project to do when I'm finished eating. And today is a very special day, because my eldest turned FOUR today!! How has that happened already? Wow! Happy Birthday son! :)

Place to live

I am filled with mixed emotions at the moment. We have been in a desperate search for housing. Nothing has turned up that we felt was suitable, and if it was, it got taken by someone else. This morning, on our way out the door to a base appointment, and with 3 more houses to look at, we got a house that we had a place to live on base. However, we learned it was stairwell (an apartment) when we had been planning on a townhome.

We decided to go check it out. Overall, it's not BAD. It's definitely not what we had pictured, but it's doable, at least for a year. It is also a 4 bedroom. We aren't able to move in until October 5, because that's when the military has stuff for us to borrow. However, that marks 8 weeks since we shipped our stuff, so maybe our stuff will be there to move in the same day. THAT would be awesome and a blessing.

Another blessing we discovered, and a complete God thing... When we were in the airport before leaving the states, we met another young, Catholic couple who's son is the same age as ours. We hit it off really well, and, like us, they got the year jump on housing due to a deployment the husband just finished. We've bumped in to them several times around base already. They sent me a message the other day they got base housing... We're in the same building, just across the halls from each other, with a floor difference in between! This is such a blessing to both our families and I am praising God.

If I am to be honest, I'm not extremely happy. In fact, I'm pretty disappointed that we're in an apartment for a year, but I'm trying to remember that after this past year, we're together, in our very own place, in a new country to explore. And we are very blessed to have our new friends right across the hall. And we will be good financially, in that we won't have to buy another vehicle, pay lots on gas, nor pay insurance on another car. This will allow us to save a good amount and finish getting out of debt. This will all be a blessing. I'm just trying to remember the blessings aspect of all of it.

Housing and more

We were told that because of my husband's year away, we would be the top of the waiting list for base housing. We were also told that in the mean time, we still needed to actively look for housing off base, but since we were at the top, don't sign any contracts. So we weren't really looking to be honest.

On Thursday, we learned that the "top" of the list was #8 (out of 70-something!) so it's possible we may still have some wait time until one is available. So we had to begin investigating off base housing. Jon passed his driver license test on Thursday, so Friday we rented a car and set off to look at two houses. One we liked, but felt it was too "old" for our children, and not safe for them. The other we loved so much and really considered taking it. It would have given us the potential for SIX bedrooms (room for each child, plus office and guest room). However, it was 30 minutes away. That's a lot of gas when paying European gases, plus far from the base to be involved in anything. Therefore we turned it down and we are looking at FOUR houses tomorrow that are closer.

Today we went 'exploring' as the kids call it, driving around the area, mostly to the big city near by. It was cool driving through the city, but it was also very overwhelming, since we did not understand most of what we saw. We went in to a market called "Penny Markt" which Jon said is similar to an Aldi's. We bought some diaper wipes (I remembered I keep forgetting to grab them), a small loaf of bread (Nothing to write home about), and some meat. I thought it was chicken and Jon agreed. We got home to learn that "poten" is TURKEY. Chicken is in fact "Huhn". We'll remember that one, I'm sure. When we came home, we looked around some American websites to find some restaurants recommended by others, and hope to go to one tomorrow.

I forgot to mention a few other things that are different here. For example, they don't sell gallons of milk! They only sell 1/2 gallon cardboard containers. Tons of fun to drag 3 of those home to last two days. I'd be nice to cut back on the amount of milk we drink, but I dont see that happening.

We can't watch most American shows. The military network kind of picks whatever's on tv in America, and sends it over to us. The other night I was watching a show and it said "Coming up next....<>" I got all excited, then next, it flipped over to Conan. And another night I was watching a movie, and it just ended in the middle during a commercial. Kind of frustrating, but it's ok.

We found the base library and the kids were very excited to get some new books (They've been reading the same 10 for the past 10 days) Jon and I were also excited to find a whole rack of new movies that we didn't have to pay to rent. ;-)

Another interesting thing is in Germany, the tip is always automatically included in restaurants. You can tip more, but it's not necessary. It's a good thing to know before visiting your first restaurant. Taxes are very high here, I think it's 19%. Thankfully we can be exempt on really high priced items if we use a special form.

Anyway, kids are in bed, the hotel is mostly clean, I'm going to go spend the evening watching "Something Borrowed" (My pic of movie night! ;-)) with the hubby. It's so nice to have these type of evenings back.

Things are coming together, Finally

Everything has finally come together. Last Thursday, we finally got our medical clearance. This was the piece of the military puzzle we were most worried about, since our youngest is behind on vaccines due to our family's own deciding. However, after many questions, needing signatures, power of attorney, and even asking me questions about my diabetes that were on the forms, a month later, we finally got our clearance. It was suppose to take 14 days, so that was beyond frustrating.

Amazingly, my husband had talked to a lot of people, so our orders were able to be turned to us within 24 hours and last Friday, we found out we are definitely moving to Germany in September! Because we finally got orders, my husband was able to get orders to come home, so I am a very happy air force wife lately. For obvious reasons, I can't say when he'll be home, but it will be soon enough. Therefore, I have been very busy getting final arrangements made, packing, shopping, cleaning, etc. We will spend close to a month traveling over 3,000 miles to see family, ship our belongings, and more before heading to Germany, so there is a lot to be done.

While this past year, specifically the past month, has been a struggle, I see how God has worked. While it took a long time for our orders and that was stressful, it helped to alleviate the anxiety of knowing specifically when my husband would be home. Thankfully, as I said before, I had prepared for the rain, so that helped when we knew the date, as I had a good deal already done. And then, once I knew the date, I still had a good deal to accomplish, so that has kept my mind busy. In fact, I was in the middle of doing more preparation but needed a mental break, which is why I'm posting. Since this is the general update, I must head back to what I was working on. But thank you for all the prayers thus far.