Road sign

I found the picture I had been looking for. This is one we took before on a walk near a castle. But these signs are on trails everywhere, at every intersection! It's kind of cool. 

Bike riding in Germany

So, we've really been going on more bike rides lately, and they have been fun experiences!

We recently set out, went along our 'normal' course, and when we got to the flightline on base, my husband said "There's a road that apparently goes all the way around the flightline. I said "Sounds like fun! Let's go!" So, we did. We got to the other side of the flightline, away from the majority of the base. There, we found a "Do not enter" sign, that also included bikers and joggers. We took the other road, where a Military Police officer stopped us and informed us that in just a few feet, we'd be on the flightline. Therefore, we had to turn around and go all the way back. When we got home, my husband charted out our course online, and discovered we'd rode 11.6 miles! It was tough going so far, being a newbie to biking, but I was proud of how I kept pushing and got through.

Two days later, we went on another ride. I suggested we go off base this time. We began, at 7pm, on a long course, no idea where it was leading exactly. Eventually, two hours later, we ended up on a very busy road that led to the opposite gate. (Ie we live by the north gate and ended up at the south gate) When Jon checked out this course, it was 11.7 miles! This one was much more difficult that the flightline, because the flightline road was a road, nice and smooth. This course was old roads that are mostly gravel.

We had fun speculating that these were the roads used prior to the modern highway system. There are tons of gravel roads around the area, and they all have signs at the intersections, saying which way to which village and how far to that village. On the ride off base  I took a picture once of such a sign, but can't find the picture anywhere. :)

In great news though, I have lost 2.5 lbs from riding, wahoo! :) I'm sure the German pancake we just had for a late breakfast didn't help the weight though ;-)

Yesterday, we went back to Lusienpark. We got there about 1pm, knowing there was going to be a hot air balloon festival in the evening. We had a great afternoon, Jon and I split a beer and we enjoyed our favorite currywurst mit pommes frites (curryworst with french friends). The french fries are seasoned and seriously, some of the best fries I've ever had. :) Amazing for 'amusement park' food. We found a spot on the huge open field about 5pm, waiting for the festival. It was my understanding that the balloons would set up at 5:30, and then their would be a hot-air glow at 10:30. I hadn't really planned to stay there that late, but figured we'd play it by ear. The balloons did not set up at 5:30. In fact, we waited until 10pm, when they announced (by the best of Jon's translation abilities) that they would not be taking off because it was too windy. So we left, very bummed we were not able to see them. But at least we had a great day as a family.

Bike Rides and Parties

I need a light-hearted post I have decided, so here we shall talk about bike rides and parties, our normal life stuff. :)

Recently, my husband somehow convinced me that my bike was junkie, and I needed a new one. Low and behold, after I got the new one, my other one WAS junkie in comparison.

My husband rides his bike to work most days. We bought him a cheap, used, $50 bike when we first moved here almost a year ago, because I said before we spent a lot of money on it, he needed to show he was going to actually use it. (This sounds very "mommy" like, but it was agreed by both of us ;-)) So, he has, and he recently convinced me he also needed a new bike. He is 6'3, and a 16" bike is just difficult for him, so he got a new 18" to 21" bike. Today, we went on a bike ride with our new bikes, and the kids. Oh! Now's the perfect time to show you what our family bike ride looks like, minus me. :)

 This picture was last weekend, on his old bike. It's not a great one because Jon was wanting to go and getting frustrated I wanted to take a pic. But, he has Zach on the tagalong behind him, and the girls in the trailer behind that! He's amazing I tell you!!

After our 8 mile bike ride today, we headed to the park for our good friends' 3 year old's birthday party. Hannah was so excited and insisted on carrying her present, and took her "birthday book" with her to read to B. It was a book of prayers, and on one page, there as a cake, and Hannah really wanted to share the book with B.

I love Hannah's heart. She is almost always seeking God in some sweet, child-like way. She is often looking for Jesus in her play, loves to pretend her cups are the Blood and Body of Christ, loves to pretend she's in mass, puts her blanket on her head to be Mary, etc. She will tell us "I did XYZ because that's Love mommy, and Jesus likes it when we love others." I have been trying lately, when she's screaming a bloody fit about something, to think about her sweet, Christ-like moments and ponder them during the rough times.

The other normal thing we did was go to pick flowers the other day. In Germany, there are Blumen fields, and you go pick whatever flowers you want, and they cost €0.60 for each one you pick. So, for €4.20 I got all of these beautiful flowers.

**Disclaimer... they're prettier than they look, I just don't know how to arrange flowers well apparently, and it was 10pm when I took the picture. Oh, and they look like they're dying already, because I've inherited my mother's black thumb. My friend told me today to put sugar in the water, so I did. We'll see how they look in the morning.

This week was busy as well. On Tuesday, Jon had Schola practice, and then a Knights of Columbus meeting. Wednesday was the Feast of the Assumption, so we went to mass at 11:30, and then Jon returned at 7pm for the first Latin Mass at our parish, where he lead the Schola (Latin choir). There was some humor there, because of all days, he woke up with his voice partly missing. Therefore, he wasn't able to do all he was suppose to, but it still ended up okay. Apparently, they had 117 people there, which was more than at the other two masses! Rumor has it Father hopes to make it happen more often. I'm very proud of Jon and do enjoy seeing the enthusiasm he gets from the Latin mass.

Thursday night, my good friend and neighbor and I went out for her birthday. Her husband is deployed, and we've never gone out together, so I decided it was time! Jon was wonderful and watched all 5 kids. I took her to one of my favorite restaurants, an Italian place called Gabriella's. Her reply was "Why have I been putting up with the Macaroni Grill for a year?? This is delicious!" We enjoyed a glass of wine, Spatsele I believe it was, that we both thought was delicious. (I'm not a huge wine fan) I had Tortellini, and her a pasta and shrimp dish. Both were fabulous. Then they gave us a free shot of Apple Schnapps I think she said... Apple something. It was DELICIOUS so my friend asked where we could get it. It was homemade and they didn't sell it. Bummer! Then we decided I needed to show her around some areas off base, as she knows almost nothing of the villages. We ended up at Globus, a German grocery store, at 9:30. She hadn't realized they were opened until 10. There we bought several bottles of different Spatslese wines to try, yet we haven't drank them yet. Another night :)

Tomorrow, I am going to a baby shower for a dear friend here, who many would say is pregnant with a miracle baby. I don't feel comfortable sharing her story without her permission, but many are rejoicing in this little boy she is carrying. I can only stay for an hour, but I'm thankful I get to go. I have to leave early because one of the Legionary of Christ Brothers is coming in to town, for a short stop over at our house for the night. My husband knew him in high school and we got to spend time with him in Rome during Fr. Nathan's ordination. We're very excited about seeing him for a bit and going to mass with him tomorrow evening.

So, there you have it, a bit of the normal "What is going on in our lives."

God bless!

What I'd Do Differently

I have heard it said that the more you fall in love with God, the more you fall in love with your spouse. Recently, I have really found this to be the truth. I have grown so much in Christ over the past year, from being in this incredible, thriving, Catholic community, from going to Rome, and most recently, with the miscarriage. God has greatly used this suffering to draw me closer to Him, and in doing so, I'm finding my love for my husband has greatly increased. This is amazing, and what you need in the midst of suffering.

I have just finished I Will Carry You. It was amazing. Again, I suggest it, really for anyone. It's a quick read. Not necessarily easy emotionally, but quick. And it gives you great perspective for if/when you know someone going through the same.

Following our miscarriage, and this book, I have realized there are some things I would do differently next time. This past pregnancy, I was very quick to start planning for Dec. I was thinking about "What car seat do I need to get since we need a new one...When should I take Abby out of the crib?... Do we need a new one since this one is technically recalled?" I was spending all my time in the future, not thinking and enjoying the present. I'm notoriously guilty of this.

Next time, if we are so blessed, I plan on enjoying the moments as they come. I plan on praying a LOT more for our child. I admit that while I have good intentions, I don't pray for any of our children as much as I would like to/need to. I will pray for the baby much more often. I will not assume I have forever with the child. I will talk to the child a lot in the womb. I remember doing that a lot with our first, but not much with the girls, because I was usually talking to their brother at that time. Next time, I will talk to the baby and have my children talk to the baby a lot.

Yesterday, I realized that right now would be the time we'd be finding out the sex of the baby. That brought a wave of emotions, both good and hard ones. Good because I'm glad God has helped me get through all of this, and He has been my strength and comfort.

Jesus, I Trust in You!

As I said in my last post, I've been reading I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. Her husband is Todd Smith, of Selah, a Christian music group. I was reading part of it recently, and it floored me.

Her whole book is a comparison of her grief with the story of Mary and Martha and Lazarus' death. She brings up the point of when Jesus told Martha to move the stone. She didn't immediately move it, trusting that He would bring Lazarus back to life. Instead, she had fear, and said "But Lord, it will stink." (my paraphrase) Angie Smith goes on to say that God comes and we put our hands on the stone, and either have fear or trust.

In her words:

He asked them, and He asks us, to be a part of the miracle. How do we respond to this? Are we distraught over our perceived fears and disappointments that we are paralyzed, or do we trust Him enough to put our hands on the rock? There is no middle ground. Those are our two options: fear or trust.

I was blown away by this, thinking how it is applying to my life. Then yesterday, I was rereading some of my old posts, and came to this one, where I specifically say

I told him (my husband) I'm greatly struggling with this back and forth of fear and trust, asking him to help me and pray for me. I am realizing that this instance, where I have high fear, is exactly where trusting God becomes most evident, where I must say "Not my fear, but Your will, O Lord."

I love how the Lord works. He's working on my heart to trust and not fear, and then he specifically gives me some scripture through a book to meditate on, to see how it relates to trust in the midst of suffering.

I'm reminded of a family we knew living here, who just moved back to the states. Their sweet daughter, Emma, was diagnosed with cancer, and over and over again, they repeat "Jesus, I trust in you." This is something that many of us have really learned from this couple, that no matter the circumstances, just keep repeating "Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in YOU!"

Losing a child

This week, some very close friends of ours asked for prayers. The husband's sister, 27 weeks pregnant, was being flown to the hospital, where they received some devastating news. The baby is missing a valve in her heart, and the blood isn't going where it's suppose to. Please, please pray for baby L and her mom, J and their family.

Hearing about this woman has brought up so many memories for me. It's brought up our recent miscarriage. It brought up my friend, Jobeth, who miscarried right after me. It brought up the loss of my friend, Ann Marie's precious daughter, Gianna. It brought up my friend Lisa, and her beautiful daughter Lucy. It brought up a friend Sarah, who just found out her baby is not developing correctly and is being referred to a specialist. (Since posting this, Sarah has informed everyone that the baby has fetal acrania. Please keep her family in your prayers as well as they navigate the tough road ahead of them too.) It brought up my friend Marcella who just had a miscarriage last week. It brought up another Sarah who's daughter died in college recently. It brought up many, many, many other women I know who have experienced the loss of a child. It made me pray, and pray and pray for these women, and their families, as I know they are all still grieving in some ways.

I finally grabbed a book I've been meaning to read, especially these past few months. I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. If you have experienced the loss of a child, in any way, an early miscarriage, delivering a child knowing what was coming, a SIDS death, a death of an older child, or even if you've known someone who has or is going through it, I recommend this book. It has rocked me. Completely and utterly rocked my world.

Today, God did something beautiful in my life. The day I started bleeding, I knew a lady in our MOPS group was in labor. I had stopped by her house earlier in the day to pick up some maternity clothes she was getting rid of, and she was telling me she was having some contractions. I got home, and about 2 hours later started bleeding.

That evening, I headed to the ER alone. I probably could have had Jon go with me, but I didn't want to inconvenience anyone. I'd had a miscarriage before, and didn't think it was necessary for him to go with me. My miscarriage has taught me several things, this being one of them, to ask for help! In the end though, being alone at the ER was what I needed, time to gather my thoughts, to pray and to meditate, to listen to what God needed me to hear.

While in the ER, I couldn't help but think of how this woman was in labor, VERY possibly right above me, delivering her baby while I was in the ER, losing mine. I decided to pray for her, for her labor, that it would be a smooth labor, that there would be a healthy baby and mama in the end. In the Catholic world, we call this offering it up, offering up our suffering to pray for those in need. Many women, while in labor, pray for those experiencing infertility for example. I thought, this was a perfect chance to pray for my friend.

That was 10 weeks ago. I had not met the baby yet. Today, I went to a playdate and they were there. I was dying to hold the sweet little guy for just a moment. I eventually finally asked if I could. I held him for a while, then he started getting fussy, and I stood up and started to rock him, watching his eyes get weary. This is one of my favorite things about babies, watching them snuggle in to you, relaxing, feeling safe, and falling asleep, leaving the wonders of the world behind them, just to trust you at that moment. Somehow, holding this sweet baby I'd been praying for when he arrived, helped me in such an amazing way. I somehow managed to hold the tears back.

The mom ended up asking me how I was doing. No one has really asked that as of lately. I greatly appreciated it and it meant a lot. I was able to share with her a bit, and then shared with her how I'd been praying for her during her labor. The most amazing part of all of this is the family is leaving Germany in just a few days. God... mysterious ways, huh?

If you know of a family who has lost a child, please take the time to pray for them, and often. Don't forget their babies. Always remember them. Let them know you're thinking about them and praying for them, even months or years after they've lost their child. Send them a note, email, text, whatever to let them know you're thinking of them and praying for them. And, I'll say it again, pray for them.

Great thought for a suffering parent

I recently read an article in "Faith and Family Magazine" addressing miscarriage. This thought completely changed my mourning time, and gave me a smile, and a hope. A thought that was so profound, I think it's important to share with others. A thought that may even be appropriate to share with a hurting parent. I wouldn't tell it to them in their first week of suffering maybe, but once they've had some time to grieve.

The thought is this. We are called, as parents, to raise children for God. To make saints for Him, to bring our children to God. And while this child of ours, Jacob, did not live on earth, he is indeed in Heaven, being a saint for God. 

We, in conceiving our child, brought glory to God, and allowed our hearts to be open to bring Him glory, through our son, and through our suffering. While it's been hard, and we are by no means perfect and are greatly hurting, the way we responded, sought after God, used our suffering to join our hearts to Christ, has brought others encouragement in their struggles as well.

I recently told my husband that I'm struggling with knowing that whenever we conceive again, I'll be in fear of a miscarriage the whole time. This makes me not want to get pregnant. But at the same time, I know that I have to trust God. I told him I'm greatly struggling with this back and forth of fear and trust, asking him to help me and pray for me. I am realizing that this instance, where I have high fear, is exactly where trusting God becomes most evident, where I must say "Not my fear, but Your will, O Lord."

We went to daily mass today, and what was the Gospel reading about? Pete stepping out on the water. :) What a perfect example for me, for us. I had goosebumps as the Gospel was read, and tears in my eyes. We may be nervous, and heck, our eyes may fall off of God at times, but God is there, protecting our family, our marriage, and our children, both those here, those in Heaven, and those to come. Our God is good, even when we're struggling.