"Random" Movie Night

Tonight my husband and I got to talk for a few short minutes on video chat after the kids told him Happy Father's Day. We ended our talk with me saying something to the effect of "I know I shouldn't, but I'm totally freaking out." and him telling me "Don't freak out". This went back and forth several times. The conversation ended with me concluding that him telling me to not freak out was like me telling him to not be a man. It's completely my nature to freak out over the unknown.

Sometimes there are points in your life where your beliefs and decisions are put to a test, and you must really decide if you are going to stick by your decisions, or if you're going to cave to get what it is you want. Our family is in one of those positions at this time, and I am honestly completely freaking out. And I wont have answers for probably at least 20 days, which for me, at this point in our lives, is a LONG time.

I know God is in control, but I am completely struggling trusting Him. I know He has proved Himself time and again, such as the great tire incident in August 2009, such as three children and a move when pregnant with each, such as Jon leaving, me moving in with my parents, Abigayle's birth, and being almost debt free now. You would think after all of this and so much more, I'd say ok, yeah. God knows what He's doing. But, nope, I still struggle big time. In fact, I think I've probably written posts in the past 4 years saying I don't understand what He's doing and my faith is lacking.

By way of a complete 'random' movie night, my mom picked a movie on television to watch tonight. I say random in quotes because I'm pretty certain it wasn't random by God. "Facing the Giants." Have you seen it? I hadn't. My husband hates sports movies that 'make you feel good'. :) Well, this didn't make me feel good. This was like God yelling at me! (Which, granted, I needed.)

There were some parts that really stood out to me. A man by the name of Mr Bridges came in to speak to Coach Taylor. He shared the passage below and the quotes below the passage.

Rev 3:5-6 says "...'The holy one, the true, who holds the key of David, who opens and no one shall close, who closes and no one shall open, says this: "I know your works (behold, I have left an open door before you, which no one can close). You have limited strength, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

Coach Taylor to Mr. Bridges: “I admit to you I have been struggling. But I’ve also been praying. I just don’t see Him at work here.”

Mr. Bridges: “Grant, I heard a story about two farmers who desperately needed rain. And both of them prayed for rain. But only one of them went out and prepared his fields to receive it. Which one do you think trusted God to send the rain?”

Coach Taylor: The one that prepared his fields for it.”

Mr. Bridges: “Which one are you? God will send the rain when He’s ready. And you need to prepare your field to receive it.”

Unlike Coach Taylor, I would be saying "I admit to you I have been struggling (trusting God). But I have NOT been praying. It's no wonder I don't see Him at work here."

I know that no matter what happens in the next 20 days or so, I have a lot of field work to do to prepare. I can't do it all, because a lot rides on what I'm waiting for, but I realized what I can do... Pray. With fervency for God's will, specifically the choice our family wants. But that if that's not in line with God's will, that I can step back and trust Him. That I can have faith. That I can simply pray for His leading and that the things I do are not in vain.

And I ask that you please pray for our family as well. Pray that we will be where God wants us to be when He wants us to be there, that we're open to Him, and that our hearts are ready for whatever may come our way. And that maybe our answer can come sooner.

Near the end of the movie, this was said: In God's Word, he said "Do not fear" 365 times. If he said it that many times, you think he meant it? (Please know, I have not looked to see how true this statistic is, but I know He said it a lot.)

I had to laugh, because I am in complete fear of this decision. I can guarantee you I will be holding on to Rev 3 and "Do not fear" along with praying these next twenty days or so.

Dear Lord, please help me to plant the fields in preparation for the rain that's coming.

"The Eyes"

Yesterday, my children and I set out alone on a 300 mile trip. We had to drive almost 3 hours away to go to a military appointment, that lasted less than 30 minutes. Doesn't that sound like fun? So, I had things planned out to make it easier and thought I'd share my tips of traveling alone with three under four.

First and foremost, use it as an opportunity for special treats, things they don't get often. Because let's admit it, being strapped in a car seat for six hours is not fun at all. Therefore, I pulled the portable DVD players out of storage and hooked them up. Hannah picked a movie on the way there, Zach one on the way back. That blessed us with Beauty and the Beast (The extended edition ;-)) and Mickey's Christmas DVD. Then I took my stereo and faded it to the front and plugged in my ipod, listening to anything I wanted (instead of ABC's) the whole way. Abigayle napped most of the time. Four happy people.

I also packed the potty chair in case one of them had to go immediately. That would avoid having to unbuckle all three and take them in to a bathroom. Thankfully I did not end up needing it.

Then, we had to eat lunch, so we had two choices. My favorite, and healthier option, Chic Fila, or what the kids really wanted, Mc Donalds. I decided to let them pick, because then the chance was they'd eat better and I wouldn't have to hear they were hungry down the road. I got them out, put Abby in the sling (Seriously, if you have 3 very little ones, you MUST own a sling. That's my biggest tip), held Hannah's hand and Zach held hers, and walked inside, heading straight for the bathrooms.

That's when it started... "the eyes". Everyone staring at us... not sure if it's me, or them. Not sure if it's because they are noticing the three cutest kids in the world for the first time, or if it's because they're looking at me. And if they're looking at me, is it because my fly's undone? My bra showing? Or my whole boob somehow exposed because of the sling hanging off my shoulder? Are they thinking "God bless her"? Are they thinking "That poor woman" or "Where's her husband?" Or are they thinking "I hope she's on birth control now." (Yes, that's been asked to me before, so it's possible people are thinking it.) And if they're looking at the three cute kids, I'm hoping they're not thinking about their behavior (although, they were EXCELLENT).

I have always been one to worry about what others think. It is one of my down falls and one my husband teases me about. At least I know it's a problem. And yet, yesterday, I decided to say I don't care about the eyes! I decided I had three beautiful children attached to me, minding me very well, and eating their lunch perfectly. I couldn't ask for more, I couldn't be any more proud. Who cared what anyone else thought. In my mind, I decided everyone was thinking "What beautiful, well behaved kids! That woman is blessed." I left feeling very happy and thankful.

But back to my tips. Pick the handicap toilet stall, even if it means waiting for it. That's the only way to get all four of you in. And if some handicap person has a problem with it, too bad. They can wait just like anyone else would wait in a regular stall. ;-) Get everyone to use the bathroom, no matter what. Then everyone wash hands- that does take some juggling since they can't usually reach the sink. That's the good thing about having one in a sling, your hands are free to help.

Order something you can eat while helping children eat. I ordered the two cheeseburger meal for the kids. Gave them each a cheeseburger, a medium fry to split, and a drink to share. I absolutely abhor kids meal toys, so that avoided having to get those as well, and was cheaper. Make sure you grab everything you need-straws, napkins, salt, ketchup, plasticwear, etc.

Then, while this sounds nasty, try to sit near a trashcan, and near the high chairs. If you need, ask the employee if they can bring the food to your table for you. You wont have enough hands for all your children, led alone for the food too. (This is something I do love about Chic Fila, they always offer to bring my food for me.) I did use the older two as help. They both carried the drinks, Zachary got the high chair, and they held each others' hands. Get the older two seated and put the baby in. Then, when your meal is complete, you can throw the trash away while everyone is still in their seats and you have two free hands.

Overall, the trip was a complete success in the manners of me going on a long trip with three alone. Which is great, since I'll be doing it again in two weeks. Thankfully that will be four hours one day, four hours another. The most amazing thing is that in the situations like this, where I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed, I remain much more calm and do a better job in parenting. Maybe that's how Michelle Duggar is always calm!

The "or not" part

So, in my last post, I said how I’ve decided to walk away from spankings for the most part. After I became a mom, I never really wanted to use them. However, I got to a point where I did them out of desperation. But I’m really realizing they are not working and am reevaluating some of my parenting techniques. Amazing how we think we have one parenting aspect down, then we must relearn or change our methods.

I’ll start with redirection. I think in the very early years, this is a great choice. My daughter is 9 months old. She is very much in to things, especially paper. If I pop her hand (lightly, trying to teach her not to do it) and say no, she looks at me, laughs, and does it again. Over, and over, and over, and over again. She does not stop. Maybe she even thinks we’re playing a game. However, if I pick her up and move her away from the situation and the paper, she won’t come back to it. I don’t think a 9 month old fully understands that meaning of no yet. So until then, I have to use other options.

Another example of redirection and of using time outs is my 2 and a half year old daughter. When she gets upset, her method of expressing herself is screaming at the top of her lungs. I’m normally not a fan of sending kids to their room, but for her it works. She stands at the door until she gets the screaming out of her system, then comes out a different person. By being in her room with the door closed, she’s not hurting our ears. If I were to spank her, she’d just escalate and we’d get no where. When she comes out, I ask her if she feels better, does she know why she was sent to her room, and I make her apologize for throwing a tantrum and hurting everyone’s ears. In fact, she has gotten to the point that when she starts to scream, she goes to her room on her own, which shows me that I’ve taught her well that screaming is not allowed where it hurts other people’s ears. I would love to eventually teach her how to breathe and stay calm, but she goes from zero to full tantrum in a second with no time to coach her otherwise, so for the time, this method works for our family.

I wish I could say how I’ve handled this in public, but I only remember once. We were in the church parking lot and she flipped out about something. She was standing by the van and started stomping and screaming. I got in my seat in the car and sat down, watching her out of my mirror (to make sure she was safe, but to not let her know she was getting my attention doing it.) I got tons of looks, some of “Why is that mom letting her do that?” and some were looks of sympathy. We’ll just say that I have gotten to a point where I don’t care what others say or thing or even how they look at me. I do what works for my children. And I get enough encouragement when they are usually well-behaved to make up for the sour people.

She eventually climbed in to her seat, still screaming. My son told me she was hurting his ears. I told him I was sorry, that I was sure she’d be done in a minute. Sure enough, she decided she was done soon after that. So we had a discussion about how I will not tolerate stomping feet and tantrums like that. I think she also lost out on a privilege later that day. But, it has not happened since. (Knock on wood!)

For my son, who is four months shy of turning four, time outs work. He is also very sensitive, so if he hears mommy’s upset, he tends to correct his actions. He is also in a “WHY?” phase. I use to think this stage would drive me up the wall, but instead, I take each time he asks as a teaching moment. Looking at it that way makes it much more bearable. I can’t think of an overall form of discipline that works for him. Most of it depends on the situation. For example, if I can’t get him to nap, sometimes I put him in someone else’s bed. This is likely a form of redirection. I did try spankings for a long time, but they just never worked. He’d get spanked and within one minute, he was up playing again. Moving him away from his toys has a much better effect and brings about the desired goal, him sleeping.

So, my point of yesterday’s post and today’s is there are many forms of discipline. What works for some parents, doesn’t work for others. What works for some kids doesn’t work for others. In fact, I remember my brothers getting spankings, and they’d laugh or keep doing what they were suppose to. I remember spankings had a HUGE impact on me, and I rarely did something that would require a spanking because I hated them that much. So, it all depends on the parents, the kids, and the action that needs discipline. I think the best answer is find what works for your family, be consistent (I honestly struggle with this), don’t worry about what others think, and above all, love your children.

Kids need a good spanking...or not

I was recently hanging out with some friends, none of which have kids yet, aside from ones in utero, and it took me back to before I had kids and my common idea of “Kids need a good spanking. Time outs and redirection are stupid.” I remember saying things very similar. And then… I had kids. And so, when I walked away from that conversation, I felt bothered. I felt like I should have spoken up more, but then I felt they wouldn’t understand until they had kids of their own.

With kids of my own, especially three in 35 months, I discovered that each child is different, and each action that requires discipline is different. Spanking is not the end-all answer for discipline. I have never been anti-spanking. However, before my husband deployed, I did not spank often because I didn’t know how. My spankings were weak, and my children did not care one bit if I gave one. (Granted being very pregnant also made spankings difficult.) My husband and spankings, I remember those being a different story.

But in the past year, my children have gotten older. They have a lot more learning, a lot more disobedience, and require a lot more discipline. These are forming years for them. I’ve realized that when I use discipline, I want to help them understand what the right thing to do is. I want them to learn that X is wrong, and instead we should do Y. Spanking doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. Spanking says “You did X, it was wrong, here’s a punishment.” When do you teach them that they should do Y instead? Also, what do you do when in public? I want consequences to be equal, whether at home or in public.

I’ve also learned that many of the times I spank, I do it out of anger, and sometimes take it too far. I feel that spanking is completely wrong in those situations. Therefore, I feel, for me, I should not be spanking as much as I was.

And the ultimate reason I’ve started spanking less? My kids laugh. Or they scream until I walk out of the room, and then they immediately stop to tell each other to get out of bed. In other words, spankings are doing absolutely no good in our home as of lately.

And all of a sudden, being in a conversation with a bunch of non-parents, I was laughing thinking back to how I use to say “Kids need a good spanking” and then realizing that I’m rarely spanking any more.

I think the right phrase is really “Kids need loving parents who use discipline to help teach their children,” as discipline can come in many forms.

So I’ve been searching out other methods to add to my parenting toolbox…Which I will explain in future posts, as this one has gotten pretty long already :)

Kid funnies

With one child just 4 months shy of being four, and one child just over two and a half, i hear some pretty funny things. If you follow me on Facebook, you may have read some. And I have to warn you that some of them may be slightly TMI, but out of the mouths of babes makes everything funny.

Hannah brought me some (pretend) breakfast. "Here's your breakfast mommy! Abby chewed it up for you" Oh... nice

I was using the bathroom at home and my son hands me the box of tampons and says “Here mommy, these are for your poop.”

Zach-Mom! I almost fell in the toilet! That would be bad... because then we can't have another kid.
Me- WHAT?? Why?
Zach- because you'd flush me down the toilet! ( In other words, we'd be MINUS one kid. Him falling in has nothing to do if we can have ANOTHER one. I was trying to understand how he knew about more kids)

Hannah was wailing. I went in and she's holding herself down there. I asked what was wrong and she said she hurt her butt. I asked her how and she said "I bounced" I had to stifle a laugh as I wondered how she ‘bounced’.
I said “You bounced?”
Yes, i bounced.
Come to find out, she JUMPED/Bounced off her bed and hurt herself.

My son had had a sore penis recently. A few nights later, my 2.5yo daughter is in the bathtub grabbing herself and in a pretend whine, saying “My pinky hurts mommy”.

Me: DO you have to go potty?
son- no
M- then stop playing with yourself
son- no, I'm trying to get my candy! It's in my pocket.
Sure enough, he had an unwrapped tootsie roll in his pants, right next to his boy parts!

We were praying the Our Father and Zach was saying it with me. We say "And lead us not into temptation" and he stops me to say "Mommy, I don’t know what that is."
I ask “What? Temptation?”
Him- Yes...
"Well, it's when someone tries to get you to do something you shouldn't, like when Hannah tries to get you out of bed."
son-but why?
Because they're trying to get you in trouble"
his reply? “Ok.” And we finished prayers.

Very similar to the fact that now at meal prayers, I get requests for which prayers we’ll say. If it’s Our Father, or God Our Father or Now I lay Me Down to sleep or just “Thank you Jesus for this food.”

You can learn a lot about your parenting skills and those around you by listening to your children. Hannah likes to tell her brother and her bear “I’m going to spank your hiney, you hear me? Stop talking. Sit still. I’m going to put you in the corner if you don’t behave bear. No you can't watch TV” (I tried to figure out where hiney comes from then discovered my dad says it) She definitely feels like she's in charge. I'm nervous about what will happen as Abby gets older

I know there have been more stories and humor in my life lately, but right now, these are the ones I'm still laughing about.

Not what I expected

It's been a month since i posted this post. I have to admit, I did not receive the reply I thought I would. The only reason I'm bringing it up is because the end of that post said "I'm interested to see the results in a month or so." The result? God is still telling me to wait. Doesn't He understand I dont do that well? I know in the Army, this is typical. But my husband is Air Force. The last time he deployed, we knew by this time when he'd be home. I find this frustrating.

But, it's not as frustrating as the fact that we've somehow gotten scammed. We've had something in a pretty small amount show up on our bank statement the past TWO YEARS. I thought it was his video game, he thought it was something I pay for online. Today we discovered, it was neither. Rather, when googled, it's something hundreds of people have complained about in a similar fashion. So for the past TWO YEARS, we've been throwing away almost a total of $300. And of course, the bank will only reimburse us for the past 60 days. I am trying not to think about it too much, but it makes me sick, sick, sick to my stomach. Tonight involved a phone call to our bank and a canceled card. Tomorrow will include lots of phone calls to companies that have that card on file. And this, like the the first thing, was not what I expected today.

Saying Goodbyes Hurt

Today, mass was really neat. Our priest is a brand new priest. His (younger) brother is the Vocations Director for the diocese. Today, the two brothers presided over mass together. It was very neat to see/hear two brothers sing the prayers over the Holy Eucharist. My eyes watered a little and thought Wow, what amazing parents they must have had and how pleased their parents must be. The brother, as Vocations Director, was also happy to announce that a young man from our parish was just accepted to the seminary to become a priest and what a joy and excitement that was. He said we should continue to pray for the young man, and pray that there may be another young adult next year.

It's Ascension Sunday. (Although some dioceses celebrated it mid-week this past week). Ours celebrated today. Our pastor was talking about how at the end of Pentecost, Christ ascended in to heaven. He mentioned that we all hate saying goodbyes and that they hurt, but that even the disciples had to say goodbye to Jesus.

This really touched me, especially as I am about to say goodbye, yet again, to my family, some of my best friends, and others in the area. Plus we'll be traveling back to where we use to live, saying goodbye to those friends, and goodbye to my husbands' family. I HATE HATE HATE goodbyes. I'm sure he didn't mean it in this context, but I also thought about how 11 months ago, I said goodbye to my husband. Thankfully, one day, just like the disciples and us did/will see Jesus again, I will get to see my husband again. Of course, I'm hoping it's here on earth that I get to see my husband again. ;-)

Then I also thought about other times he said goodbye. He traveled a lot, probably made friends, and had to say goodbye. Unfortunately, they didn't have email and Facebook, so their goodbyes were not like ours. But that brought a glimmer of hope to my soul as well. It was comforting to know that yet again, something we have to go through, Christ himself went through.

I've also come to realize that while we're called to be humble, I have a lot to learn in that area.

Recently I was in the military passport office applying for ours. The desk lady shared with me that she was recently helping another mother. She was pregnant with her 4th, all under the age of 4. Her husband was already overseas in another country (I believe Germany as well). She had to stay in the states because she had a complicated pregnancy. She was going to eventually have the baby without her husband here (I can relate to that one), then fly with all 4 children alone. I CANNOT imagine that one.

As Catholics, we believe in taking our struggles, and using them as prayers and offering them up for others in similar or more difficult situations. I have tried so hard to remember this stranger in my prayers when I'm struggling, or remember single-moms who won't get the other half of support back in a year. I know there are families out there going through much worse. Yes, every person's cross is their own cross and can be rough, but really, I don't have it that bad and I can take these opportunities to think and pray for others.

But this is where I struggle with humility. I don't always think of others and instead think "Woe is me, poor pitiful me." and whine to someone or to facebook or to my blog. I pray that I can start thinking of others in my struggles.

Temptation

My brother-in-law (husband's brother) will soon be ordained into the priesthood. He's been writing daily little emails (Also readable on his blog). The one Br. Nathan wrote yesterday really spoke to me, as he said:

It’s at times like these, especially when you are working alone,....that temptations increase. Have you ever experienced that yourself? When the devil uses your difficult moments and tries to pry into your thoughts with temptations of division, envy, negative judgments or plain old self-love? “How come it’s always me? Don’t they realize? This isn’t as easy as it seems?” etc. etc.

I hadn't thought about it like this, but I feel exactly like he said. That Satan has used my difficult moments of doing so much alone lately, to tempt me, to make me mad, anxious, jealous, and all kinds of other sins. Sins I hadn't even realized I was doing because I was so deep in to them, and so deep in doing all the work alone. And yes, self-love. I try to be humble about most of it, but I am one who needs words of affirmation, and therefore self-love definitely sneaks in.

Last night, as we were saying bedtime prayers, my son, three and a half, was actually reciting the Our Father with me (pretty rare). We said "And lead us not in to temptation..." and he stops me. He says "But Mommy, I dont know what that is."

"What? Temptation?"

"Yeah"

I try to explain to him that it's when someone tries to get him to do something he's not suppose to. Like when his sister tells him to get out of bed when he's suppose to be in bed.

He looks at me, and says "But why?" (We're going through this "why" phase)

I said "Because they're trying to get you in trouble."

He says "Ok" and we continue our prayers. You could tell the rest of the prayers, he was still thinking about this big word, TEMPTATION.

I think I will be thinking a lot about temptation in the coming days, and the words of the Our Father will resonate in a new kind of way for me. I have just over a month of doing it on my own. Lord, please lead me not in to temptation, but rather help me stay clear from it.

My newest craft projects

As I said before, I'm really in to crafting lately. It helps relieve my stress I've realized. So I was browsing the internet. While I like crafting, I'm not very creative, so I have to find ideas from others.

So I found this article, and made these for my girls! :) I love them and can't wait to hang them in our new home in a few months! These pictures would be a lot better if they were hanging, but I'm not hanging them to take them down within a month.

Then I found this post and thought "I could do that for all my ribbon!" So, I admit, I began looking at people's trash as I'd drive past, looking for a drawer. I must have looked for 2-3 months, and then, one day my dad was taking out the trash, and saw our neighbor throwing a dresser away. Here's the original:
And here's the redo! :)
And you can tell the only problem right? I need to buy more ribbon haha!!

Medical stuff done!

I feel like I reached a huge milestone in preparing for our move. After a doc appt for all of us, an extra one for me, 2 dentist appointments each for my older two and myself, a form for oldest kid through school, tons of medical records, and some additional phone calls, forms, letters, and faxes, I have mailed all of our documents off to the closest AF base (3 hours away!) I have an appointment set for 2 weeks away. THEN we can get our official orders. THEN we can do everything else. But for a few short days, I sighed some relief and over the Memorial Day weekend, thought very little about our upcoming move.

Instead, we enjoyed our annual family reunion at the beach. We had a lot of fun and I was amazed how much all three of my kids, even the 9 month old, loved the beach.

Last week was sad and emotional for me. My older two had been attending a preschool two mornings a week at a local church. They were too young for Pre-K, but they had a 1 and 2yo class. I put both of them in the same class. My thought was they needed an opportunity to have friends, since I wasnt involved in a MOPS or anything like that. Also, I needed a small break to run errands, etc with only 1 child around while my husband was gone. I LOVED their preschool and so did they. Unfortunately, last week was the end. Now begins the real challenge of getting ready for a move and running all errands with three little ones under foot. This too, I can do. It's just a slight challenge. ;-)

My husband and I spent the day emailing back and forth. There's SOOO much to do to move overseas. It's overwhelming when you are stationed at an AF base, have a squadron and a husband around, but if you take all of that away, well, overwhelming becomes an understatement. There's so much information out there, and sometimes you get the wrong info. For example, I thought we had 2,000 lbs of unaccompanied baggage we could send (Stuff that we'll be shipping from here) No, today I found out it was 1,375. No idea where the 2000 lbs came from, so now I must figure out what I'm going to ship, and what we're going to carry in the van and/or ship to Colorado. We also found out a few things we thought we could do now, indeed, cannot be done until we have official orders. So now, we just sit and wait for my medical appointment in the next two weeks, then we wait after that for orders. Until then, we continue to do research and make tons of lists. It will all happen, right? I mean, it has to.