Kids need a good spanking...or not

I was recently hanging out with some friends, none of which have kids yet, aside from ones in utero, and it took me back to before I had kids and my common idea of “Kids need a good spanking. Time outs and redirection are stupid.” I remember saying things very similar. And then… I had kids. And so, when I walked away from that conversation, I felt bothered. I felt like I should have spoken up more, but then I felt they wouldn’t understand until they had kids of their own.

With kids of my own, especially three in 35 months, I discovered that each child is different, and each action that requires discipline is different. Spanking is not the end-all answer for discipline. I have never been anti-spanking. However, before my husband deployed, I did not spank often because I didn’t know how. My spankings were weak, and my children did not care one bit if I gave one. (Granted being very pregnant also made spankings difficult.) My husband and spankings, I remember those being a different story.

But in the past year, my children have gotten older. They have a lot more learning, a lot more disobedience, and require a lot more discipline. These are forming years for them. I’ve realized that when I use discipline, I want to help them understand what the right thing to do is. I want them to learn that X is wrong, and instead we should do Y. Spanking doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. Spanking says “You did X, it was wrong, here’s a punishment.” When do you teach them that they should do Y instead? Also, what do you do when in public? I want consequences to be equal, whether at home or in public.

I’ve also learned that many of the times I spank, I do it out of anger, and sometimes take it too far. I feel that spanking is completely wrong in those situations. Therefore, I feel, for me, I should not be spanking as much as I was.

And the ultimate reason I’ve started spanking less? My kids laugh. Or they scream until I walk out of the room, and then they immediately stop to tell each other to get out of bed. In other words, spankings are doing absolutely no good in our home as of lately.

And all of a sudden, being in a conversation with a bunch of non-parents, I was laughing thinking back to how I use to say “Kids need a good spanking” and then realizing that I’m rarely spanking any more.

I think the right phrase is really “Kids need loving parents who use discipline to help teach their children,” as discipline can come in many forms.

So I’ve been searching out other methods to add to my parenting toolbox…Which I will explain in future posts, as this one has gotten pretty long already :)