How do you do it?

"I don't know how you do it" or "How do you do it?" are the two phrases I tend to hear the most from people I know, who know i have 3 children 35 months apart and who know my helpmate is gone. (Those who don't know me, the most used phrase is "Wow, you have your hands full." No actually, I don't have enough hands, but thank you! :))

The truth be known, I don't know how I do it either. I have some days where I feel like "I knew this could happen when I said 'I do' to the man I love and this is the life we signed up for." I have other days where I put on my big girl pants and say It is what it is. Other days where I am just in survival mode, where I know I have to do it because I have to. I have no other choice and my kids depend on me. I have other days where I cannot wait for the kids to all be in bed so I can grab a glass of wine, sit on the couch, and take an exasperated breath and turn my mind off watching television.

Do I have days where I sit down and cry? Sure. There are even days when I feel like it's ok to cry over spilled milk. Do I raise my voice? Yep. Do i just let messes happen and ignore them? Sure do. I have even been known to once or twice ignore hitting or throwing food, but don't tell anyone else that.

But overall, I try to stay consistent with my children and not focus on the times where I'm not perfect. There are things that they know do not change. For example, bed time prayers happen every night. And heaven forbid I forget to pray before a meal, because they'll remind me with "God our Father Mommy!" I sometimes try to 'make up' for the times I've let them down, work on an extra special craft, maybe one to send to daddy. Take them somewhere special, like the pool at the gym. I know that these special moments are ones they'll remember.

Then I have the days where the kids are wonderful or pretty darn close, and they are sweet, use their manners, and make me proud to be their mother. Those days are days I realize I'm doing things right and those make up for the bad days.The days where we have some special bonding times, or I am able to watch them play together nicely while I do much needed chores.These are the days I tend to remember the most out of the past 8 months.

There are days where I pray to God asking for strength. There are days when I think "I need to ask someone to pray for me" but then often times, I remember there are many other single moms out there doing this, I can do it too. Women who have done it before me often give me great strength. I try to offer my rough days up for other single moms I know and pray for them while I'm struggling. I try to put others before myself and think about how this isn't that bad, it could be a lot worse.

And last, I've learned that God is working on building my patience and perserverance, and not my humility. Because I'll be honest, the days that I go to the grocery store alone with all 3, or get to an appointment on time, or mass on time, or, go to mass with all 3 in mass with me and on time... I am very proud of myself, and those are the days that keep me strong, knowing hey, I CAN do this. While I cannot wait for my helpmate to come home, and I am so thankful for him, I know that if God forbid, something did happen to him, I WOULD survive. I DO have it in me. And well, that's really how I do it. Hanging on to that last thought more than any.

In other words, I don't know how I do it either. I use the strength God gives me, lean on Him for support, know this is all temporary, and remember, in the words of my friend, "A year on earth without my husband is nothing compared to eternity in Heaven."

Making a pillowcase dress

My best friend showed me how to make a cute pillowcase dress for my girls. I decided I would post directions/pictures for others so they could make their own.

You need two fabrics that will work well for each other.

1. Fold your fabric in half and lay it on your cutting board.





2. Lay a dress that currently fits the little girl on the fabric. You want to add about 2 inches in width and about 3 inches in length, cutting a rectangle around the dress. I did not add enough, so the dress will only fit my daughter for this St. Patrick's Day, but that's ok.




3. Cut your bottom fabric, enough for how much you want on the dress, plus about 2 inches. It needs to be the same with as the fabric you previously cut.


4. Sew the two fabrics together, wrong sides together.

5. Fold the sewn together pieces over, so the right sides are now facing each other, and sew again, making sure you sew far enough to not get the original seam caught in the new one you're sewing.



6. Hem the top of the dress.




7. Fold the dress like this, making the seams meet in the middle, and allowing a little extra to eventually sew together.






8. Fold in half again.




9. Cut the sleeves. Make sure they will be big enough to fit the child's arms.



10. Hem the sleeves. Another option is to use bias tape, but not necessary.



11. Sew the ribbon between the two pieces of fabrics. I had fun and did a decorative stitch.

12. Set down the back of the dress, first sewing with the two wrong sides together...

Then with the two right sides together, making sure not to catch the seam in what you're sewing.

13. Fold the top of the dress over, on the front and back, leaving enough room for the ribbon.

14. Thread the ribbon through each of the top two hems you just made, making sure there's enough room on both ends to tie it. Then stitch down the middle to make sure the ribbon stays in place.

15. Hem the bottom of the dress.






Try the dress on your child, tie the ribbons, and enjoy! :)

Kids create good laughs

There are several stories lately that I just have to share...

Hannah was eating a cheeseburger for lunch. I told her to put it in her mouth. Her reply "No, nose" and proceeded to shove it up her nose. We couldnt stop laughing. Then she also took the wrapper and put it on her head and said "hat".

At dinner, Zach wasn't eating. He started making silly noises, while pretending to put it in his mouth. His Uncle Drew started making train noises and told him to put the train in his mouth. Zach puts his hand up in a "stop" kind of way, and said "You no choo choo".

We were sitting on the couch, mom, me, Zach (while holding his stuffed dogs) and my brother's girlfriend. My dad yelled soemthing to their dog. Then Zach said "The dog pissed me off yesterday" We were trying not to laugh, not sure if that's what he said. So I said "What" and he said "The dog pooped on the floor in my room....(followed by) I cleaned it up with diaper wipes" (When the dog poops in the house, it gets cleaned up w/ Clorox wipes...)

Zach was in his carseat with the stuffed dog by his face, when I heard him say "Doggy getting the boogers"

Hannah came up to Abby and said "Aww honey, it's ok." The girls took a bath together and Hannah helped me wash Abby.

In the middle of a word, in the middle of a sentence, Hannah lets out a loud belch, and just continues to talk like nothing happened.

You can be great at nursing discreetly, but when your daughter gulps while it's completely silent in mass, it's not so discreet.

Abby is here-birth story

If you haven't heard/read my birth story, here it is. It has personal details that I'm fine sharing, but some might not want to read ie nursing. That's your warning. :) But, I want it all typed so I have it for the future...

Short story: Abigayle Claire was born Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 8:54pm. After 27+hours of labor, I was still not past a 5 (as far as I got with the other two). Apparently... the u/s at 36 weeks that predicted her to be 7lbs 4oz at the time, allowing for a VBA2C, was WAAAAAAAY off. Her Abbyness, as Jon likes to call her already, was 11 pounds 14 ounces and 21.5 inches long!!! Her brother was born at 36w5d, her sister at 37w5d, and she decided to come at 38w5d. Everyone in our family now shares a 20-something birthday, Jon and Hannah the 21st, me the 24th, Zach the 28th, Abby the 29th, and our wedding anniversary is the 27th. So, that's kind of cool too. She is just beautiful and CHUNKY heeheee. She has curly brownish hair with blonde highlights, atm, but has not been bathed yet :) :) :) :) She is nursing so incredible, even after being separated for 3 hrs to begin. And I'm just so happy with EVERYTHING. Thank you everyone.

Whole birth story: I started losing some of my mucus plus on Fri morning with pretty regular contractions about 10 min apart. We went to the commissary and walked/grocery shopped for 3 hours. When we left, they were 5 min apart. We got home, and they slowed to 6min apart. By the time I went to bed, they were incredibly inconsistent and not doing anything. I woke up in the middle of the night, about 3am, with the SAME type of contractions as Hannah and Zach and had them both that night/early the next morning. So I thought, this is it. Today's going to be the day and was super stoked, until I got up, and they were barely there, no pattern, not strong, etc.

I decided to go to walmart to walk, about the only place in our small town. After a while, they were consistently 4 min apart (about 6-8 of them), and i thought "I'd better hurry home, finish packing and get to the hospital since we're an hr away!" No joke, I got in the car, and they slowed to 10 min and soon after I got home, weren't there anymore. By dinner time, they were pretty consistently 6-7 min apart. I likely would have waited, but we packed the rest of our stuff, put the kids to bed about 8:30 and left for the hospital at 9, to take us 55 min without traffic, so I was glad we left when we did.

We got checked in and I was having contractions 4min apart and at a 4 and 60% effaced! The cervix was very posterior, but that didnt bother us at the time. We were pretty excited. However, the doc came in. Not mine, just one in the clinic. I LOVED her immediately. She said she was super crunchy, as crunchy as they get, and she proved to be right. However, she felt VERY uncomfortable with the VBA2C situation, even though my doc, her colleage had said it was ok. She also knew the admitting doc prob wasnt going to go for it, and she was going ot have to call mine and talk politics. Before she called though, she was wonderful and laid out all the options, and that my risk increased with a vbac after 2, and her huge concern about shoulder distocia but said it was still up to me if she could talk politics.. I hadn't had it all laid out like that, and was very thankful. She tried doing an u/s and the machine was crap, so she tried using another one, and it said she was 12lbs, which she said no way, she didnt think that and we didnt either (Look at us laughing now!!!!!)

So, I was able to send Jon a message to call me through google phone (Love that btw!) and we talked about it and spent some time crying together over the phone. I could tell, he wanted me to go ahead with the c/s. Doc came back in and said "Well, by some fluke, we have no surgery tech tonight, so.... we're going to admit you, let you labor, and at about 10am, we're going to have all the docs have a huge discussion about you." We took that as a sign from God!

10am came and went, and we never heard about this huge meeting, what happened, what took place. I didnt sleep much, contractions were all over the place. I had to be connected to a monitor at all times. Morning crew came on though, and because she had dropped down about 2in in belly, they said we didnt have to monitor her anymore, only me, so that was nice. At some point, I think about 1pm, they checked me, and I had made absolutely no progress. My doc said he thought i needed to go ahead with the c/s. I asked for time to talk with mom and my doula. They reminded me that I had said I'd liek to try other things before rushing to a c/s, like breaking water or a small amount of pit or maybe a folley bulb. (TMI warning...Then mom asked the doula why they never did enemas anymore, as I had been complaining all day I needed to poop, and maybe that was blocking the way.... I hadnt had a good BM in about a month) Doula said she didnt know, we could ask. So, we asked about all of these. Fulley bulb wasnt an option, as I was too dialated. The doc had also already said no to Pit, but they were totally willing to try an enema and water breaking.

HUGE TMI warning regarding the enema. Enema is one of the greatest inventions for laboring in my new opinion! For one, it helped take care of the constipation from the last few months of my pg. For two, it forced me to sit on the toilet and labor (and get to be off the monitor) And for me, it totally brought on the contractions, and hard. I think after this, I was finally in active labor. About 2 hrs later, they checked me, and I was at 5 and 80% effaced and VERY posterior cervix still-they had a hard time checking me because it was so posterior. I figured the enema hadnt had a chance yet, and broke my water around 5pm.

I got in a huge pattern. HARD contractions very close together, lasting over a minute long, 3 min apart. We swore I was in transition. I was soooo tired and exhausted and could barely handle the contractions as all, as I'd essentially been awake since Sat morning and this was Sun night. At 7pm, she came to check me again. It hurt soooooo bad bc I was so postior and I was still 5 and 80%. She didnt even finish saying and I broke down crying and said, no, we're done, I want the c/s. I want the epidural yesterday. I can't do this anymore. They got moving quickly, but I swear it took way to long to me to get the epidural. The contractions were right on top of each other and I just could not breathe through them anymore and had lost all control. It was awful, however, it was the only bad thing out of all of it.

My mom and doula voiced all my concerns for me, thankfully. Well, actually, my mom got in a scuttle with the pediatrician for what I wanted, but at that point, I didnt care and yelled at them to both stop it. I had all kinds of people coming in to talk to me, and I just could NOT talk. Thank God mom and doula knew what I wanted. But, overall, they were very accommodating to my desires. I finally got to the OR. The epidural still took longer than I wanted to get placed, but a lot of it was me shaking from anxiety (I get BAD shakes in cases like this) plus the contractions and having to somehow manage to breathe through them, without moving and in a bad position. I got the epidural and completely passed out from sheer exhaustion.

I was sorta awake for them cutting, heard them say "get her mom", at one pt I thought the epidural was going too high like with Hannah, but i figured I'd just go to sleep and not worry about it haha. It didnt seem to bother me at that point. I remember mom coming in and saying something about hi and she's here. Then I kinda heard the time announced of 8:54pm and how she's huge. I didnt believe them. Figured they meant she was like 8 or 9lbs. Then I heard my mom fight them bc they she wanted to come over and get pics of them wiping her off like they had agreed we could do, but they didnt want to let her bc it was a sterile environment... She was like umm, isn't the whole OR? And the nurse finally said yes I assumed bc she was no longer by me, and I went back to sleep. Then I heard mom exclaim "Holy cow!" along with a bunch of others, and they were yelling out through the OR that she was 11lbs 14oz. I didnt believe them. They came over, showed her to me, I got to pick my arm up and hug her, and we got some pics (I THINK! lol...). THen I passed back out. Then I woke up with my eyes itching, assumed it was bc I'd had contacts in so long. Nope, the drugs in the epidural caused me to itch all.night.long. But it's ok. Then the anesthesiologist asked if I was doing ok and I said I felt nauseous. Then a few seconds later, I said I was going to throw up and did on the OR table. Then I kind of started waking up from my complete daze and was taken to recovery. I got the shakes SUPER SUPER bad and could see why she couldnt be in recovery with me.

Mom went with her, but they dont let any one in the nursery- dumbest rule in the world that no one could explain. My mom was ticked. So she watched through the windows, and they didnt bath her like I asked. In fact, I got to give her her first bath, in my room, about 24 hrs after she was born with my mom and best friend there. It was so special to me. Her sugars were great. What took the longest for us to meet up was my shakes and getting stitched. I was in my room at midnight and Jon got my message to call, so we talked for a few minutes, Abby was in my room and nursing at 12:15. Shes nursing INCREDIBLY.

Apparently word spread around the hospital of the big baby born and people were coming to look at her during the 3 hrs she was in the nursery. Mom got asked 3 times if she was my sister or if she was the mother haha. She loved that!

At two weeks old, she was up to 14 lbs even. Like I said, nursing great. I was suprised because my other big babies leveled out, but she just keeps growing. I've gotten lots of rude comments that bother me and wish people would shut up or at least think before they speak, but I'm learning to defend her and I better. (Ie Did you just eat a lot while pregnant? or saying "GAWD! That's huge!" literally 1o times while I'm talking to the person.) In the WONDERFUL words of my mother "She's just the size God wanted her to be" and she's right! She is. She's just perfect and healthy and beautiful in every way and we are so incredibly blessed.

slow updating here

I'm slow updating around here. Life has been VERY busy and hectic. First of all, we're having a girl! Her name will be Abigayle Claire, gayle after my mom and sister's middle name. After picking Her name, we found out Jon's grandfather is RIchard Clare and my grandfather was Richard Gail, so it honers both of our grandfathers as well, instead of using Richard. :)

They are concerned about her having pyloric stenosis, and will do another ultrasound on May 12 to determine it. If she does,it will mean a surgery after shes born, but should be relatively easy and simple. I'm very worried and nervous and usually cry when i think about it, but everyone who's had experience with this tells me there's nothing to worry about really. It's actually a great thing that it can be diagnosed now, rather than dealing with months of awful puking.

Our life is moving so fast right now. We are moving in about a month, which is much earlier than planned. It all works out much better this way, but it creates a lot of stress. I feel like I've been super woman lately, totally not by choice, but because I absolutely have to. We're having a garage sale next weekend, and we are literally selling about 1/2 of our stuff. Decluttering has never felt so wonderful and freeing!

My kids have been hilarious lately. For example, Hannah got in bed this morning with me. I asked her if I could have a hug and kiss and she said "No, Abby", pulled up my shirt, and gave my belly a hug and kiss. Some of Zach's new ones are I was changing his diaper in the back of the Suburban 2 days ago, and he said "Mommy, penis outside." yes son, it is lol!...He also made me lay down on his lap recently and told me night night, while he combed and "cut" my hair... Another "What's your name?".."Zachary A...M..." What's mommy's name?"..."Mommy A...M..." Lol..ok, that works, I have the same middle and last name as my son. ... The final one is one night, we were sitting down for dinner, when Jon realized he forgot to kiss me when he walekd in. So he got up and gave me a kiss. Zach asked what he was doing and I said "Daddy's kissing me because he loves me." Zach looks at me, gives me a huge smile and says "I love you babe!"

SOOOO much going on...

It's been a while. I am pretty sure I've posted that we are pregnant, and i'm moving home to FL in July. Jon will deploy at the end of July and baby is due end of August. We also just found out that after his year away, we are going to GERMANY!!! For 3-4 years!!! We're pretty excited, but i'm also pretty nervous, as it's a whole lot of "different". I should hopefully blog a lot more when we move haha. We also found out today that Jon has a month of training to go to mid-April to mid-May. Of course, we only have 3 months together left, and they go and take one of those 3 from us. ::Sigh:: So, yeah, there's a lot going on in our lives. That's the quick update.

saw the baby

We hired a sitter last Monday, for the first time ever, so Jon and I could go to the doc appointment alone. Thankfully, there was one, good, happy looking baby. I was so thankful Jon went with me, because as we left, we discovered we were driving on the rim thanks to a nice nail. I never would have been able to change the tire on my own, so I'm very thankful he was there. I also learned that my progesterone levels were even better and I got to go down to one shot twice a week, and my reaction to them seems to be much better lately, so that's good.

Aside from this, if you are open to praying for me, I could use prayers lately. I'm going through a very difficult time spiritually. Things I dont feel comfortable discussing, but things that I really need to work out, stuff that's going to take time. I need lots of healing and obviously, can't do it on my own.

The kids are doing great. H has discovered jewelry and some new red heart Valentines sunglasses. She's become somewhat of a little diva. It's really cute lol! She is also insisting a lot on wearing her squeaky shoes, and then loves to dance and make noises with them.

Z is growing up fast. He's quickly learning that he's not suppose to get out a new bucket of toys until his other toys are put away, and he's started telling H what to do. ie today, we were telling her to get off the picnic table. He said "H, get down, now." LOL! He's also really big in to praying. When we eat, we say the basic meal prayer, and at the end, we taught him to say "Thank you Jesus for this food, Amen." and he's totally started saying it on his own without us prompting him. Also, H has started putting both of her hands on her head when we do the sign of the cross. I love the innocence and learning of little children.

Anyway, that's it for tonight.

Updates

well, last week, the doc took me off the oral progesterone, so i'm now just taking 2 shots 2x a week. I think I am much better regarding the moodiness and depression. However, I think I'm allergic to the shots or something. I have welt-like knots all over my bottom that itch constantly. This happened about a week and a half ago and the doc said that was totally normal, but it's getting worse, so I need to call and see what else we can do.

I finally heard back from my OB. The physician apparently wants to see me every week until I'm at least 12 weeks. However, thankfully because their schedule is already so full, and I am only available on Mondays and Fridays, I have one next Monday (almost 10w), one the following Monday (almost 11w), and then my first trimester ultrasound at 13 weeks. They will do an ultrasound next Monday to check for viability. I'm anxious and nervous about this. I'm so afraid that since we had a miscarriage in Nov., that this one won't make it. But, I am still having nausea, which is my normal pregnancy sign, so I know I probably shouldn't worry. I'm also freaked for some reason that there might be twins, even though I totally doubt it.

In other news... hmm, there's not really much else. I guess this is it for now :)

babies and "cwap cwap"

Last week was super busy, several doc appointments, two moms Nights Out, and Mops, and Bible study. I was so exhausted. Saturday we spent almost all day at our friends house. Jon helped change their brakes and messed up his finger pretty bad. I hung out with the kids and Bobbie all day, and we baked and had lots of fun.

I'm having a really hard time. I'm not sure if it's the progesterone I'm on (I'm taking 2,200mg in a week!), or that mixed with pregnancy and everything else going on, but I'm feeling really depressed. I've never felt depressed before, except for like 2 days with PMS. This is so bad, that even Jon thinks so. If I ever get in to see the OB, I plan on talking to them about it. Today is the first day I've been able to really get anything done in my house, without feeling mopey and not wanting to do anything. But yeah, Jon says that I'm complaining about everything and so pessimistic, which is NOT like me.

The kids are good. Hannah is saying so much, talking more than most kids her age. She loves her babies and if she's doing something she's not suppose to, it's easy to distract her by saying "Where's your baby?" She also loves to pull her shirt up and say "tickle tickle tickle" or come up to me or zach and do the same. She also says daddy all.day.long. It's her favorite word haha.

Zach is all about reading lately. He brings me books and says "close it" and tries to close my laptop lol. I decided to try to do http://letteroftheweek.com/ with Zach, but I didn't get very far. But, we've been learning about cows. A cute cow book if you're interested is Click Clack Moo by Doreen Cronin. He knows what noise cows make. And ducks say "cwap, cwap" lol. he also knows sheep say "baaa, baa" and he shakes his head while he says it lol. We've also been working on horses, birds, and a few other ones.

More than one can handle

I know God promises He will never give you more than you can handle... So, what if you feel like you're at your breaking point and you just can't take one more thing, but really, compared to others, you have it so easy and are so blessed?

That's how I'm currently feeling and am struggling with this. I feel like I'm barely hanging on, and am only because of God and his strength He gives me. Yet, I know I'm so blessed in comparison to others. I'm blessed with fertility (which, believe it or not, can be a cross too), I'm blessed that we have 2 healthy children and are expecting another, I'm blessed that my husband has a job and that because of it, we will be completely debt free in two years. I'm very blessed to be celebrating my 3rd anniversary next week and be so much more in love with my husband than I was 3 yrs ago.

Yet, I dont want to look at that. I want to look at the fact that within the next 6 months, I have things going on 3-4 mornings a week, plus doc appointments for me, plus packing and moving and all the other little stuff in between, like getting our wills done, renting a storage unit, finalizing stuff, all while pregnant and trying to control my diabetes, then moving to FL at 30 weeks pregnant and trying to find a new OB/docs, have my husband leave, having another freakin' c-section, without my husband there, recovering from a csection with a new baby, a 1yr and a 2 yo, and my husband not meeting our new one until Christmas, then him leaving again and not being with him again until summer 2011, and the complete overwhelming feeling I have non-stop now, the feeling of I'm sinking. None of this was a big deal when we started to try to conceive before Jon got orders. I keep telling myself God must have REALLY wanted us to have this child, and that God has really big plans for him or her.

And then I think of those around me. Those who are begging God to get pregnant, those who have children with issues they're trying to figure out, those who's parents are suffering from cancer, those who are having struggles in their marriage,those who's husbands are deployed right now and to places much worse than where mine is going, and I think, "Why am I complaining??"

Well, quite frankly, because God has allowed me to have the most I can handle right now, and I feel like I'm just barely surviving, yet, I feel like I can't discuss it with many, because they are having a much more difficult time than we are. So, alas, I am just telling the www instead. When you feel weak, it's those times that God makes you stronger huh? I'm just praying He doesn't allow any more tough things to come our way, because I'm just barely hanging on. And i'm praying for a good, healthy sounding heartbeat on Friday when I go to my first doc appointment, because after having a miscarriage a few months ago and learning another friend just had a 9 week miscarriage, I'm terrified.