How do you do it?

"I don't know how you do it" or "How do you do it?" are the two phrases I tend to hear the most from people I know, who know i have 3 children 35 months apart and who know my helpmate is gone. (Those who don't know me, the most used phrase is "Wow, you have your hands full." No actually, I don't have enough hands, but thank you! :))

The truth be known, I don't know how I do it either. I have some days where I feel like "I knew this could happen when I said 'I do' to the man I love and this is the life we signed up for." I have other days where I put on my big girl pants and say It is what it is. Other days where I am just in survival mode, where I know I have to do it because I have to. I have no other choice and my kids depend on me. I have other days where I cannot wait for the kids to all be in bed so I can grab a glass of wine, sit on the couch, and take an exasperated breath and turn my mind off watching television.

Do I have days where I sit down and cry? Sure. There are even days when I feel like it's ok to cry over spilled milk. Do I raise my voice? Yep. Do i just let messes happen and ignore them? Sure do. I have even been known to once or twice ignore hitting or throwing food, but don't tell anyone else that.

But overall, I try to stay consistent with my children and not focus on the times where I'm not perfect. There are things that they know do not change. For example, bed time prayers happen every night. And heaven forbid I forget to pray before a meal, because they'll remind me with "God our Father Mommy!" I sometimes try to 'make up' for the times I've let them down, work on an extra special craft, maybe one to send to daddy. Take them somewhere special, like the pool at the gym. I know that these special moments are ones they'll remember.

Then I have the days where the kids are wonderful or pretty darn close, and they are sweet, use their manners, and make me proud to be their mother. Those days are days I realize I'm doing things right and those make up for the bad days.The days where we have some special bonding times, or I am able to watch them play together nicely while I do much needed chores.These are the days I tend to remember the most out of the past 8 months.

There are days where I pray to God asking for strength. There are days when I think "I need to ask someone to pray for me" but then often times, I remember there are many other single moms out there doing this, I can do it too. Women who have done it before me often give me great strength. I try to offer my rough days up for other single moms I know and pray for them while I'm struggling. I try to put others before myself and think about how this isn't that bad, it could be a lot worse.

And last, I've learned that God is working on building my patience and perserverance, and not my humility. Because I'll be honest, the days that I go to the grocery store alone with all 3, or get to an appointment on time, or mass on time, or, go to mass with all 3 in mass with me and on time... I am very proud of myself, and those are the days that keep me strong, knowing hey, I CAN do this. While I cannot wait for my helpmate to come home, and I am so thankful for him, I know that if God forbid, something did happen to him, I WOULD survive. I DO have it in me. And well, that's really how I do it. Hanging on to that last thought more than any.

In other words, I don't know how I do it either. I use the strength God gives me, lean on Him for support, know this is all temporary, and remember, in the words of my friend, "A year on earth without my husband is nothing compared to eternity in Heaven."