Retreat: Childhood memories

I've decided to try to do this online retreat to work on focusing more on God. The first week, they've encouraged us to focus on memories of our life throughout the day, and really work to think about the memories and look to see how God has shaped our lives through everything. So, today I'm going to think about some of my childhood memories from when we still lived in Jax.

This is hard for me, as I don't remember back that far really. I remember the house we lived in... I remember my friend down the street. She had My Little Ponies, I had Barbies, and we loved to play with each other's toys. I remember we found birds in our chimney a lot... I remember wanting to go to church and going in and waking my parents up so we could go. I remember Christmas morning, we weren't allowed to go down the hall way until mom and dad were up, so we'd sit at the very edge of the hall, waiting for them. I remember our playroom and mom every so often, coming in on one of the little red chairs we had, and starting at one end of the room and making us help her clean because it'd get SO MESSY. (I think a playroom is an awesome idea and I'm remembering it for the future...) I remember saying Bible verses in 1st grade I think and getting a scripture magnet printed on wood in sunday school. I remember the many church musicals we did, esp We Like Sheep (Aren't we all singing that in our heads now?) and Amerikids and going to Walt Disney World because of Amerikids and my mom french braiding my hair, Lauren S.'s and the other girl in our group on the bus. (There was also my brother Bryan and a friend of his). I remember having a seizure when my Aunt Jen was babysitting. I dont remember much about it except they asked me where my parents worked and I couldn't remember... I knew they worked at 2 hospitals but I didn't know which one worked at which hospital. Then I remember that when I got to the hospital, I was so upset because they had to cut my favorite jammies off of me. I remember praying before meals "God is great, God is good..." I remember we always wanted plastic Easter eggs for Easter, because then we'd gather everyone's together and hide htem all across the house/yard and have to find where they were hidden. I also remember finding a kite hidden under my parent's lazy boy, then getting it for Easter... that's when I knew about the Easter Bunny... I remember the toothfairy always took several days to visit hahaha! And I remember going to my mom and telling her I knew Santa wasn't real anymore, and I had known for a few years, but I wasn't telling her bc I was afraid I wouldn't get those gifts anymore. Funny, Santa still came even when I graduated from high school. I wonder if he'll come if we make it home next year ;-) I remember going to family reunions on my mom's side... it was all my aunts and uncles and cousins every Mother's day... The first one, we went all out, and bought bright pink shirts that said "**(Name)** Family Reunion" and we stayed at Goldhead NAtional Park and some kid drowned in the lake that year, and I had problems with my diabetes and got really sick while staying in the cabin (I had so forgotten about that!) I remember one year at Christmas, we all brought ornaments and sat around in a circle (extended family as well) and read teh Christmas story and everytime the word "angel" and another word, maybe "baby"?, was said, we'd pass the ornament to our left, and everyone got an ornament when it was done. I remember feeling special because I got to be one of the readers. I remember my granddad had dentures and I didn't know it. He pulled them out of his teeth once to show me, and scared me so much I was crying and trying to get away from him. I remember we all tried to eat Annie's dogfood and I cried so much when she died. I remember my friend Mari coming over to help me make a spaceship for a school project. I remember my bedroom was pink and the boys was orange. I remember pulling my sister out of her crib and telling mom "Mom! She climbed out of bed because she wants to sleep with me." But then, a little while later, calling mom and telling her she wouldn't lay still and go to sleep. Amazing how when mom put her back in her bed, she never climbed out haha ;-)

WOW! This is crazy.... I really haven't thought back to all of these in a long time! What fun!

stupid shopping carts

I rarely go to stores w/out Jon but needed diapers and milk, so had to go... and of course, forgot my wrap. So, I had to put the carseat in the back of the buggy and Z in the front... well, 1st target.... their buggies are awful! the front seat like reclines and z hates it. but also, the back isnt wide enough for a safe seat car seat.... I saw THREE other moms w/ car seats in the back, but the safeseat wont (One of my complaints about the safe seat) So i had to turn her and prop her on the 2 sides of the buggy and hold on to her throughout shopping... and take her out to put almost anything in the buggy, instead of placing things around her

So then safeway....they had just collected buggies i guess bc none in the parking lot except the small, 2 basket type ones so i had to try to get in to the store holding z's hand (DOES NOT like to hold your hand) and the carseat... well, they have nice new buggies... w/ cupholders in the back part, therfore, leaving me to have to do the same thing I did in target... You just KNOW that men must create these darn buggies lol.

so, i'm totally frustrated and frazzled and emotions starting to show (Let's just say aunt flow and not really seeing Jon/spending time together in almost a week hasnt helped).... placed my coupon container on H so i could grab yogurts. Next thing I know... coupons are flying everywhere. This was my first "Bad mommy moment in public" where I lost it, yelled at him, then proceeded to tear up as this lady gave me this mean, disapproving look.

Kids are now asleep (If H will stay when I lay her down) and i'm hoping to get some frustrations out on housework.

TOOOO Long!

Wow, it has been too long! First and foremost, our sweet Hannah Lucia was born Nov. 21 at 2:06am, via repeat c-section after laboring for 24 hrs, weighing 10 lbs 7 oz and 21 inches long!!! She was a big girl! :) Life is a little busy, making the adjustment from 1 to 2, but it's not too bad. We're actually handling it great. Zach loves his little sister, says "Sis" and points to her, will rub her head, pat her back like mommy does to burp her, and will give her nice big, wet kisses. He's still young though, so we've caught him trying to climb on her to sit in the bouncy, on top of her. We have to watch him haha!

Other than that, life is well. Jon is now on a normal work schedule, basically working M-F, 8-5. Has its pluses and minuses. We just spent 2 weeks in MO at the beginning of the year for Jon's sister's wedding and seeing everyone. Hannah was baptized the day we got back and she looked beautiful. Soon after that, Zach spilled diet coke all over my laptop and fried it, so we're now sharing a computer. Jon just started back to school after taking a semester off, so between that and work, he's staying busy. We're also super excited that LOST is back on :) We're flying home in May for my sister's graduation, wahoo! I haven't been home in a year and a half, so I've very excited about that. We're also starting to look at little/plan a little for Rome. We're going there in 2 years for Jon's brother's ordination in to the priesthood. We've very excited about that and looking forward to it.

God has been doing a lot in our lives. Jon and I recently began reading "When Couples Pray" by Cheri Fuller. It's been incredible for our spiritual walk together and it's been so touching to hear us pray for each other. I definitely recommend it to other couples! God's also been bringing Eph 5 up to me a lot, and really encouraging me regarding our marriage. I'm also beginning to consider getting up before the kids to shower and do my own devotional now that I"m getting a little more sleep, but that hasn't happened yet. We also just finished reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and are striving to live on a better budget, to pay off debt, and save lots. We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary last week as well. We got a babysitter and went to dinner and a yummy Italian restaurant we'd never been to, and then went and saw Defiance. Sad, but great movie. Based off a true story during the Holocaust.

Anyway, just gives you a small idea of what's been going on in our lives the past 2 months. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I'm hoping to try to keep up with this about once a week now that things are settling down to our new adjustment. Hope all are doing well!

Much love, Aimee

Whining and updates

I'm just going to warn you, this post has pregnancy whining in it, so don't read if you don't want to hear whining.

I am so done with being pregnant! I'm 36 weeks now. She can come, it's fine, I'd be thrilled, honestly, even if she spent some time in NICU, I'd be ok with it. My biggest complaint is my hands! They are completely numb and tingling, ALL.THE.TIME. Simple things, like changing Zach's diapers or scrubbing dishes or opening packages or typing, are soooo difficult. Last night, I woke up in pain from them. It's like a pregnancy induced carpel tunnel. Nothing I can do...

I have other pains, like round ligament, but I'm handling that fine. I'm trying to do other things to encourage labor, walking, pineapple and eggplant, and other stuff. Hopefully it'll help real soon.

I've kind of been given an extra week. THey wanted a growth scan for 36 weeks, but I already had one scheduled for 37. When I pointed that out this week, they said that was fine. When they see the growth scan and her size, that's when they'll determine a repeat c-section or not or what. The good part about it, the growth scan is scheduled for 37weeks 5 days, so almost 38 weeks. It's also a Fri., so I don't think they'd schedule the c-section until for Monday. I also asked my doc when they want me delivered by, and she said my sugars were looking good, etc, so 38 weeks. This gives me the extra week too, as they'd been saying by 37 weeks. If she doesn't come on her own, i guess the c-section would be scheduled for 38 weeks.

Here's the other deal. My parents and sister are coming out for Thanksgiving! Wahoo! They arrive the day of that growth scan though. I soooo wish she comes before they get here. Even if I'm in the hospital a day or two while they're here, that's fine. So... I need prayers please that she'll come on her own before 11/21. The sooner, the better in my book. And wow! That's less than 2 weeks away! Scary. I'm all ready though, except for mine and zach's bags packed. And I've een nesting like crazy the past few days. My house is finally starting to look like I want it to!

Then there's Zach. I swear he knows something's about to change. HE's become a little demon at times. Like yesterday, we played back and forth between the trash and my laptop. He'd get in the trash, I'd spank his hands, it wouldn't phase him and he'd run to my laptop, and repeat. Then I discovered he'd unplugged he deep freezer a few days ago. Thankfully almost everything was still frozen, but I wasn't too happy. He has also totally thrown any thought of a schedule out the window. He's started waking up earlier, but needing 2 naps again. I dont mind the 2 naps, but ehh, 7:30 isnt fun. Oh well. Anyway, that's about it.

My pregnancy and Zach

Well, first Zach turned 1 a few weeks ago. Holy cow! We had a nice party with some friends and he did real well with his cake, after a while haha. Jon had to give him a fork, then he dug in- not that he ate it with the fork though lol. He's so funny. He likes to get in the trash. He usually only tries when Jon's NOT home. He is SUCH a daddy's boy. Prime example: When Jon's home from work, Zach MUST have Jon rock him and sing him to sleep. If I try, doesn't work and he cries and cries. When Jon's not home at bedtime, he goes to sleep just fine for me. He just wants daddy to rock him and sing him to sleep. Lately he's been "helping" Jon outside, as Jon's been trying to get some yardwork done before the snows start. They planted a whole bunch of tulips and daffadils along the walkway to our door. In the backyard, they've cut down a bush and put a lot of the river rock in a corner, so that we can hopefully have a small garden next year. Zach has also started "sharing". He's very good about handing us things when we ask for them, MOST OF THE TIME, and when we're eating, he really wants to give us bites. It's really cute, but sometimes annoying because he'll do it instead of eating his food. He's also kind of picky about eating. He'll eat when he wants to, not when we want him to haha. We're working on that. Other than that, he's just being all around cute, cuddley and fun. Oh yeah, he's become very cuddley, which I love. But, I'm wondering if this is going to stick around or just a phase. I told Jon I think he knows Hannah's coming and he's trying to become lovey dovey now haha.

And for the pregnancy.... ::Sigh:: this pregnancy has been much more difficult than Zach. It's not hard health wise, it's just like I'm dying trying to keep up with Zach and handle a pregnancy at the same time. But it's alright. My diabetes is doing great lately, thank God. I don't think I could handle the stress of it being really bad right now. I'm just ready for it all to be done honestly. I'm 32 1/2 weeks, but my doctors want me delivered by 37 weeks. My current prayer is that she'll come on her own on the 12th or 13th. It'd be perfect timing for us. I feel more comfortable though, as I always feel like if I can make it to 32 weeks, all will be ok even if she comes early.

We met with the doula last night and I feel a little more confident about the VBAC and having her present during labor and delivery. She had a lot of good advice and thoughts. We're also doing a lot of natural induction techniques to convince Hannah that she wants to come sooner than later haha. I've also started having a REALLY weird pain that I need to ask about. I started my BPPs and NSTs this week (biophysical profile/non-stress test) She scored a perfect 10 on the first one. Next one is tomorrow, and I get to take Zach. I'm hoping he'll behave!

Anyway, thats about it!

Totally blessed

Well, we had a long list of things we "need" for Hannah. I went to evaluate it yesterday, and the only thing missing is a mattress and a sling! We were given her crib... then our friends gave us 4 boxes of baby clothes size 0-9months! Not to mention lots of girlie blankets, one of the shower-cap type car seat covers for the winter, and more. Then we needed a dresser. We decided to look at goodwill, thrift stores, etc, because the cheapest we could find in a store was over $100. Well, we found one at a thrift store for about $50, which was our budget, that is so cool. It's like an antique woman's dresser, which goes with our "theme"-porcelain dolls and elegance. We also bought paint this past weekend, but won't be able to paint for a while still.

In other news, Zach turns one on Sunday. HOLY COW! We're suppose to have a party for him on Sat. However, he's been sick :( He had a fever on Sunday, and has had a runny nose since. I'm trying everything possible, hoping it's better/gone by tomorrow. I don't want to have to cancel!! :( Anyway, I think Zach is finally asleep, so I'm going to take the chance to take a shower and try to clean the bathroom.

Down!

So, Zach has finally figured out how to climb DOWN the stairs! You have no clue how happy this makes a very pregnant mommy who no longer has to lug the 25+lb kid down them. Yesterday, I heard him throwing something down the stairs, then a few seconds later, I noticed his voice was "lower" so I went to look. He had thrown his sippy cup down the stairs, gone to get it, and was climbing back up them. ::Ahhh...:: Amazing how the simple things in life can make one happy. He's cute on the stairs though. He KIND OF says "Down" when going down them and says "Up" when coming up them.

Because of this, he's doing a LOT more climbing. He can ALMOST get up on the couch on his own, and can completely get down on his own. He has a little tikes castle in the den, and has figured out how to climb up it, then loves to slide down and clap at the bottom. It's sooooo cute! This morning, for the first time, instead of sliding down the slide, he just decided to push himself off the side hahaha. He was fine, landed on his legs instead of his feet though. He's playing on the couch next to me as I type, squeeling and laughing. He's such a nut!

He's getting so good with walking too. Our playgroup at church started a Bible study yesterday which I'm so excited about! When I picked him up from the nursery, he walked too the stairs, climbed up all of them (basically 2 flights), then walked all the way to the parking lot, when I decided it'd be better to carry him. He tripped a few times, but stood right back up and kept going. He loves to walk.

In other news, it's 9:30am. We've been up an hour... I REALLY need to make my eggs and get him some breakfast and do SOMETHING around this house today, or maybe even sew when Zach's asleep?? I don't know... but the house is NOT up to par!

self-encouragement

This post is really more for myself, to come back and read when I'm not thinking clearly the coming few weeks. But, if you want to add encouragement, I sure could use it and would appreciate it!

I've always struggled with bad anxiety, and it seems to be the worst it's been in a looooong time. I'm so nervous about Hannah's arrival. For one, the doctors want me delivered by 37 weeks... so we decided the other day to figure out when that was, since I've been saying I'm due Dec 7, but really... that's Nov. 16! That's 9 weeks from today! AHH! (And Zach's one year birthday is TWO weeks from today!!!) Ok, so that just freaked me out...

But then, if you don't know, I had a c-section with Zach and am praying for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after cesarean) this time. That leaves a LOT up in the air. For one, I have to go in to labor on my own prior to 37 weeks... So, that's one thing giving me anxiety.

Then, I have to pray she's not too large. Zach was born at 36weeks and 6 days, weighing 9.4 lbs. I think had things progressed differently, I really think I could have delivered him. The doctors say that if she's bigger than 8.5, yes, 8.5, they don't want me to try!!! :-0 Ok, I can say too bad and try still if I want... I think I'm willing to try up to 10 lbs, but idk, so that's all on my mind. And of course, she's measuring big already. (SoOOO not fair to me, because they blame it on my diabetes. While part of it is my diabetes, it's also that WE'RE NOT SMALL PEOPLE!!!... and I am taking GREAT control of my diabetes, it's just something that happens to diabetics)

My other option is that if I get to 37 weeks, and am already dialated a little bit, they can give me pitocin in really small dosages and watch out for uterine rupture. But all that scares me! Pitocin means stronger contractions, meaning I'd be more tempted to settle for an epidural, which could slow down labor like it did with Zach.

So, in a nut shell, I'm really worried about going in to labor, on my own, prior to 37 weeks, and everything that labor itself entails. I really, really want it to all work out and be "the perfect birth." My personal self-encouragement? God is in control. Whatever happens, God has Hannah and me in His hands and will take care of us. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows we want a VBAC because Jon and I really want 5 children. I need to know/remember that God knows that, and if he has me end up in a c-section again, he's got his reasons and that he will either change the desires of our hearts, or make it ok for 5 c-sections, or allow us to adopt. It's one of those things that I know God's in control, but when I'm uptight with anxiety, I forget about it or ignore it and need a good reminder.

So that's the basic anxiety part, but then, there's the childcare issue for Zach... Jon's best friend said he will watch Zach (he's currently a SAHD) but, he's trying to get a job. I have two women I'm hoping to ask from church who are SAHMs. I have been trying for like 2 weeks, with no luck yet, so here's praying I'll be able to this week.

Plus, trying to get everything else done, like making Hannah's bedding, painting her room (finding out if we can), trying to decide if we want to do childbirth classes again or not, Jon getting the time off, buying a dresser and mattress, putting that and the crib together, washing all of her clothes, trying to decide if she'll be born when it's warm or cold, etc. etc etc. With Zach, I had said I'd start getting anxious and nervous in Oct(he was due oct 22), but he showed up Sept 28, so I never had a chance. This time, it's all so overwhelming!!! Ok, I'm done.... If you read all of this, thanks for reading.

Lesson learned and scary moment

Well, Jon got to do the first "Honey fix-it project" the other night... PSA- Do NOT run the disposal with the thing FULL of carrot peels, and then try again after the sink starts to fill up. He had to disassemble the disposal, and a huge pile of carrot peels fell out, along with all the water that had filled up in the sink. Note to self- next time, just throw them all away instead. It's not that hard.

So yesterday, I got the chance to go shopping- ALONE!... when Jon called and I could tell he was really upset (totally unlike Jon!) Apparently Zach had found a quarter and Jon went to grab it and Zach shoved it in his mouth. Jon said he was up to his knuckles in Zach's mouth trying to get it out and that Zach was starting to turn blue by the time he got it out! Praise God Jon was able to remain calm and get it out. I honestly don't know if I would have been able to remain calm. And thank God he was in the same room, because Jon said he couldn't make any noise. Jon was sooo shaken up and said he's never been so scared in his life! Poor Jon kept having bad "what-if" dreams all night long.

How do kids manage to find the small things, the things you don't even realize are hiding where they're hiding?? He's sooo good at it. This has just scared both of us a lot.

Today

Today has been a little frustrating. Zach woke up twice in the middle of the night, which has become more common for him, grrr. Then I heard him wake up about 8:30 talking and thought "I'll lay here just a few more minutes"... next thing I knew, it was 9:30 and at this point, he was starting to cry to get up. I felt kind of bad. So we got up, I fed him, but he was grumpy in his high chair. I made my eggs and english muffin, got him down and (Warning- gross alert) within seconds of me setting him on the floor, my breakfast came back up. I was like what the heck!?! I haven't been in over 15 weeks! Thankfully we had a small trashcan sitting in the dining room, because I wouldn't have even made it in to the kitchen. So I felt really gross this morning.

About 11:30, Zach was acting sleepy, so I put him to bed for what is usually a 2 hourish nap. No, he played and talked and whimpered for 45 min, so I finally got him back up and he played until 1:30 when it was so ready for bedtime. Put him to bed, and he fell asleep for 25 min!!! I was so annoyed. I didn't even get the dishes finished. So I got him up, finished the dishes, and when I closed the dishwasher, he just lost it and wouldn't stop crying for like 3-4 minutes, so I put him back to bed. He's in there now, kind of whimpering. We'll see if he falls asleep. I REALLY hope so because I'd like to clean the bathrooms while he's sleeping and maybe even take a shower myself. So, that's been today thus far. Exciting huh? Oh, and Jon's working. He'll be home around 6. I'm a bad wife and haven't even thought of dinner yet. All I can think is "Ordering a pizza sounds great." because it's just been one of those days...

In other news, we're feeling so blessed and thankful. One Wed., one of the mom's in playgroup came up and asked me if we needed a crib. Apparently her neighbor was done with theirs and wanted to give it to someone who needed it. And boy do we! That's one of the things that's been hanging over our head to prepare for Hannah. I'm so thankful. Jon just keeps saying "See, I told you it'd all work out." haha.. yeah, I know, he just has better faith than me sometimes. Well, that's all folks.