Anxiety and schedules

I read this verse and 3 short paragraphs over my coffee yesterday morning. I laughed thinking "Yeah Lord, I know, I often get anxious about things, but I think I'm pretty cool right now thankfully! Please keep it that way. :)"

My day progressed much like many others- minus the dentist appointment- and by the end, I sat down to my desk to do some work. It's the end of July, and that means school should be starting back soon. But I am not in the slightest bit ready. I've been freaking out and avoiding it. I finally cleaned the school room, organized my desk and bookshelves, and ordered a planner. Well, two planners. Because when I'm overwhelmed, I apparently avoid and do everything but the task I need to do. So last night, I sat down and started mapping out our schedule for the year.

Last year, I did not do this. We were very free-flowing last year. Meaning every day was "Do 2 pages of math, 2 pages of English- sure, you can do extra if you want.- etc" It worked, but adding another kid to our school routine, and life being a lot different now, including my husband being here, I know I need a plan for the year. I sat down.

Math for #1 planned for the year. Check. Math for #2 for the year. Check. I'll come back to #3 when I find her math book. English for #1 and #2. Check. Religion for #1 and 2. Check. Ok, now what? History? Well, I have a lot to do to prepare for that, i'll come back. I then looked around to find the other school books I ordered. Nothing. OH MY! It's the end of July and I haven't ordered all our school books!!! Problem is, I started looking about 2 months ago, and got overwhelmed trying to figure out what to use, that I walked away, with plans to come back. I just didn't expect those plans to be at the end of July!

I felt so upset with myself, so mad. And so worried about planning the coming year, more so than I had before. I went to bed, my husband telling me it'd work out. "Yeah, easy for you to say. This is the point where I want to get mad at you, because you insisted we homeschool." Yeah, that's an honest thought that crosses my mind about once a year, when I know in reality I wanted to just as much as he did. He just said it way before I was ready, so I want to play the blame game. I mostly avoided last night- I told him I wanted to say it, but I know it's not true. ;-)

As I climbed in to bed, I heard a small voice. "Anxiety weighs down the human heart..." OH MY! Hello God! I haven't heard you that clearly in a long time, and I am totally hearing you more lately. Thank you! Ok, you're right. Lord, this area of my life worries me. I offer it to you. Your will be done. and asleep I fell.

I woke up today, knowing I needed to work on lesson planning more, while I was still in the mood, and order books! I wanted to find a chart I had printed last year, and will be using this year. I went searching. In the mean time, I found some wonderful blog posts that I needed to read. One on Decision Fatigue and one on how to not suffer from that fatigue. Low and behold, the second one mentioned having some kind of schedule.

This is where God is funny right now. He's telling me to get a schedule in our life. I hate the idea. Here's how he's told me. I randomly picked up A Mother's Rule of Life. I haven't finished it, but it's given me some serious thought. She, like me, was very opposed to a schedule, but she realized she needed one. She makes good points that God has called me to this vocation, and I should not be wasting that and should be doing it to the best of my abilities, in all areas- holiness, motherhood, wife, homemaker, teacher, etc. Then I was reading the daily missal, and there was a devotional on scheduling. Then I was reading my personal morning devotional, again, on scheduling. Then a friend mentioned something about a schedule, and today, I read the two posts above.

I remember learning from my Sunday School teacher in high school that if God tells you something once or twice, you should listen, but if it's THREE times, He's knocking you on the head to get you to list. I KNOW God's calling me to create a schedule for our family. Not strict and by the books, but more along the lines of "school starts at 9am" or "After breakfast, everyone cleans up, brushes teeth and hair, makes beds." etc,

My problem, and why I still haven't, is I feel overwhelmed at the thought and not sure where to start. Oh? Did I already talk about that in this post? "Anxiety weighs down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up." Lord, this area of my life worries me. I offer it to you. Your will be done. Let me add this time Please show me how to create a schedule for our lives that will work well within our family, provide peace and harmony, and bring us closer to You. Amen. 

If you don't mind, pray for me, as I try to make this work. And that I can find the time to create it.