Anxiety and schedules

I read this verse and 3 short paragraphs over my coffee yesterday morning. I laughed thinking "Yeah Lord, I know, I often get anxious about things, but I think I'm pretty cool right now thankfully! Please keep it that way. :)"

My day progressed much like many others- minus the dentist appointment- and by the end, I sat down to my desk to do some work. It's the end of July, and that means school should be starting back soon. But I am not in the slightest bit ready. I've been freaking out and avoiding it. I finally cleaned the school room, organized my desk and bookshelves, and ordered a planner. Well, two planners. Because when I'm overwhelmed, I apparently avoid and do everything but the task I need to do. So last night, I sat down and started mapping out our schedule for the year.

Last year, I did not do this. We were very free-flowing last year. Meaning every day was "Do 2 pages of math, 2 pages of English- sure, you can do extra if you want.- etc" It worked, but adding another kid to our school routine, and life being a lot different now, including my husband being here, I know I need a plan for the year. I sat down.

Math for #1 planned for the year. Check. Math for #2 for the year. Check. I'll come back to #3 when I find her math book. English for #1 and #2. Check. Religion for #1 and 2. Check. Ok, now what? History? Well, I have a lot to do to prepare for that, i'll come back. I then looked around to find the other school books I ordered. Nothing. OH MY! It's the end of July and I haven't ordered all our school books!!! Problem is, I started looking about 2 months ago, and got overwhelmed trying to figure out what to use, that I walked away, with plans to come back. I just didn't expect those plans to be at the end of July!

I felt so upset with myself, so mad. And so worried about planning the coming year, more so than I had before. I went to bed, my husband telling me it'd work out. "Yeah, easy for you to say. This is the point where I want to get mad at you, because you insisted we homeschool." Yeah, that's an honest thought that crosses my mind about once a year, when I know in reality I wanted to just as much as he did. He just said it way before I was ready, so I want to play the blame game. I mostly avoided last night- I told him I wanted to say it, but I know it's not true. ;-)

As I climbed in to bed, I heard a small voice. "Anxiety weighs down the human heart..." OH MY! Hello God! I haven't heard you that clearly in a long time, and I am totally hearing you more lately. Thank you! Ok, you're right. Lord, this area of my life worries me. I offer it to you. Your will be done. and asleep I fell.

I woke up today, knowing I needed to work on lesson planning more, while I was still in the mood, and order books! I wanted to find a chart I had printed last year, and will be using this year. I went searching. In the mean time, I found some wonderful blog posts that I needed to read. One on Decision Fatigue and one on how to not suffer from that fatigue. Low and behold, the second one mentioned having some kind of schedule.

This is where God is funny right now. He's telling me to get a schedule in our life. I hate the idea. Here's how he's told me. I randomly picked up A Mother's Rule of Life. I haven't finished it, but it's given me some serious thought. She, like me, was very opposed to a schedule, but she realized she needed one. She makes good points that God has called me to this vocation, and I should not be wasting that and should be doing it to the best of my abilities, in all areas- holiness, motherhood, wife, homemaker, teacher, etc. Then I was reading the daily missal, and there was a devotional on scheduling. Then I was reading my personal morning devotional, again, on scheduling. Then a friend mentioned something about a schedule, and today, I read the two posts above.

I remember learning from my Sunday School teacher in high school that if God tells you something once or twice, you should listen, but if it's THREE times, He's knocking you on the head to get you to list. I KNOW God's calling me to create a schedule for our family. Not strict and by the books, but more along the lines of "school starts at 9am" or "After breakfast, everyone cleans up, brushes teeth and hair, makes beds." etc,

My problem, and why I still haven't, is I feel overwhelmed at the thought and not sure where to start. Oh? Did I already talk about that in this post? "Anxiety weighs down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up." Lord, this area of my life worries me. I offer it to you. Your will be done. Let me add this time Please show me how to create a schedule for our lives that will work well within our family, provide peace and harmony, and bring us closer to You. Amen. 

If you don't mind, pray for me, as I try to make this work. And that I can find the time to create it.

God's promises regarding change

I think we all have those times in life where we realize things have got to change. We have somehow become complacent, stuck in the mundane, giving in to society, sin, slothfulness, something else, or all the above. I have reached that point. Several things in my life need improvement, and I have just about hit rock bottom truthfully. I know I need to change several things in my life, and I've been so overwhelmed at the thought that I've avoided it.

A little over a month ago, I was waking up every morning at 5:45 and going walking. It made a huge difference in my day and I actually found myself loving it surprisingly. I never thought I'd say such crazy things about that time of morning. I would then come home, and spend the morning on my computer waiting for the kids to get up, reading Facebook, blogs, etc. I had gotten out of this newly formed habit when we had company for two weeks. My husband was off work, so the need to go before he left at 7am was no longer there to push me.

Today, I started back. Instead of taking my ipod, I went alone. I prayed. Well, sort of. I prayed, then let my thoughts wander, then came back to praying, then more thoughts, etc. But hey, I was still praying, uninterrupted by littles. Then I came home, and fixed my coffee and kissed my husband good by. I sat down to have a devotional, and my dear one year old came in to join me. So we went and made breakfast. I never bake for breakfast, but this morning, I felt energetic, and made a delicious baked oatmeal with a new recipe. Then we went and sat on the couch. Her with her milk, a banana and a book, and me with my devotional. God really knows what to say when He talks to you through devotionals.

The first one, I accidentally turned to Thursday's devotional, but needed it so much.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say 

to you, "Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 

"Life presents us with new obstacles and challenges all the time. 

Through it all, can I remember what it means to trust in God?" 

I just needed that reminder that through the challenges, through the changes I'm trying to make, God is holding my hand and will help me. There are fears that come along with these changes, so this was the perfect scripture. 

The second, longer devotional I did referenced Jer. 29:10-14. I think many of us can quote Jer. 29:11. But this book used The Message translation, and it really hit home.

This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years 

are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised

 and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned 

out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the

 future you hope for.

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.

“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything 

else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.”

When you read more than just Jer. 29:11, you see that God is telling them that they have a long road ahead of them. Things aren't going to happen over night, but that it will take 70 years! That's a long time to wait for God to come through. But He promises them that when that 70 years is up, He will show up and take care of them and take them back home. He knows what He's doing. 

The changes I'm trying to make in my life won't be easy, or happen overnight, but when I call on God, He will listen and I will find him. I love the last part. “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” Please Lord, help me, as I'm serious. 

Do you have any big changes you need to make in your life? I hope this is encouraging to you, as it was to me. 

German Mass- Funny Story

My husband's brother is a priest, Fr. N. He's been visiting for about 2 weeks. With a priest staying with us, we were going to Mass daily. Unfortunately, due to the American holiday this past weekend, there was no Mass available at our parish on Friday and Monday. So we spoke to a local retired German priest we know, and he hooked us up with Mass in two German churches. Fr. N speaks German, so he was fine to con-celebrate in these parishes. The one on Friday was fine. The one on Monday the priest told us he would be celebrating his 57th anniversary since ordination, and he'd love to have us! Fifty-seven years is amazing! That's like celebrating your 57th wedding anniversary!

On Monday, I had a meeting an hour away, and had all kinds of issues coming home (Almost out of gas and struggling to find gas- my worst fear in Germany! But God provided, and provided the gas station I needed... plus staus (German word for traffic jam- everyone knows the frustration of these!) and construction.) I got home 30 minutes before Mass was suppose to start to pick everyone up. Hubby sped to the church and when we got there, there were tons of cars all over the street. I thought "Wow, this is a lot of people for a 2pm daily mass, or a lot of people are coming for Father's Anniversary Mass!" We got in, and they had a guest book to sign in. I thought that was really nice for his anniversary Mass, so my husband and I signed our name.

The church is under renovations, so they have Mass set up in the parish hall with individual chairs. We went inside, looking for 5-6 seats together. There was one row open with that many seats, and we promptly went to that row. I looked around at all the people- mostly elderly Germans- and thought wow, these people must really love daily Mass here with this many people! Then I noticed there was a picture of a man up front and thought "Oh cool, they even have a picture of Fr. P from his younger days to celebrate." Then I looked around again, and promptly realized most people were wearing black and white. I turned to my husband, with shock on my face and said "Are we at a FUNERAL Mass??" He shrugged and said "I dont know! I think maybe!" A few minutes later, my brother-in-law came out and told us it was a funeral Mass, he didn't think we wanted to stay.

So we stepped outside, and Fr. N and my husband went to talk to the priest. It was true, the Anniversary Mass had been changed to a funeral Mass, but the priest would love for Fr. N to stay. So we walked back in and retook our seats. My husband in a bright orange shirt, one of my daughters in a floral dress, and the rest of us in denim shorts with dark shirts, totally standing out against all the black pants and white and black shirts. I'm not kidding, black and white were the only colors there aside from us. All the while, we weren't understanding a single word around us. I never in a million years thought my first funeral Mass would be in German for a man I didn't know. I guess for the most part, it was just like a normal Mass like most people have told me, but I really couldn't tell if there was extra prayers or anything. In one way, aside from the fact that it was a funeral, it was hilarious. And awkward. As for the man that passed away... May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.