This year, I have really struggled with homeschooling. I haven't found the passion I use to have. I've felt overwhelmed, tired, burnt out. It has been all school year that I have felt like this. Many people I know have put their kids in school this year. That has been hard for me as well. Yet, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we were not suppose to be doing that. I knew God had called us to homeschool, and He wasn't calling us away, just because He was calling others away. My husband so kindly reminded me that many people don't always like their jobs (in an office, etc), and I tried to find some solace in that.
I tried (That's the operative word here) to give up complaining for Lent. Ok, let's be honest. I tried to complain less for Lent. In doing so, I've really tried hard not to complain about homeschooling, or the 2yo that creates complete mayhem throughout our school day. And you know what has happened? My heart is shifting again.
I'm realizing the reasons I do love homeschooling. Like hearing H read to the toddler today. Or coming down stairs at 7:45 to find the older two are almost completely done with their individual work, and we can actually attend Mass at lunch time on a Tuesday. Or listening to them take in where Lebanon, Syria and Palestine are on a map, because that's where the Canaanites came from. Or jumping for joy because one finished Dr. Doolittle and another read Sarah Plain and Tall in one day. Or when I walk in to the living room like I did last week, and find everyone together, as they tell me "We're doing our school work". Like a picnic.
God has shown me this Lent why He has called me here, and I am where I belong.
I think some other things have helped as well. I found out I had severely low Vitamin D, and got that taken care of. Hello Germany and the land of no sun!
I also took on a position for an organization that I am very fond of. This organization has me working many hours doing what I love-administration work. It feels like a 'job' that I am able to do from home, while homeschooling, and it gives me that purpose that I felt I was missing. It's funny, because when approached about the job, I was very unsure, but I had a peace, I felt God was saying "If I've called you, I will make a way." And He has, and it has been one of the biggest blessings in my life this past year.
You know the verse in Ruth 1:16 "But Ruth said, 'Do not press me to leave you and to stop going with you, for wherever you go, I shall go, wherever you live, I shall live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God." She was talking to Naomi, who had a different God than her, but she was a dedicated friend to Naomi. I was reading "You Can Understand the Bible" last night and it said "Like Mary, Ruth was a kind of co-redeemer... Ruth's bond...expresses the same state of soul, the same essential core of the spiritual life, the same secret of sanctity, as Mary's fiat "Be it done unto me according to thy word." Both of these should be my prayer. Whatever God wants of me, let it be done. Even if that means homeschooling. I am so thankful and glad that He has helped me find the joy in homeschooling again, and that I am noticing more of the little reasons that I know this is where I'm suppose to be. It's still a struggle at times, but I"m definitely in a better place.
